Uptown Almanac

Everybody says that we’re in the middle of standup comedy boom. New media has opened the floodgates of ways to discover and enjoy comedy. Not all comedy is for everyone, but if you don’t avail yourself of this moment to go out for live comedy, you will have only yourself to blame.

Don’t be that guy, who in 40 years, when you’re living in Burlingame and your children ask what amazing comedians you saw when you lived in the City during its creative ferment, has to say that you missed out.

Fortunately, I’m here to steer you with recommendations, and I know the fuck of what I speak. What the fuck of I speak. You can follow my recommendations on KALW 91.7 fm public radio during my segment FSFSF, which airs every Tuesday during All Things Considered. FSFSF shines on spotlight on great Bay Area comedians past and present.

First, and foreleast, you can see me live on Saturdays at Cynic Cave, the regular Saturday show at Lost Weekend Video. Lost Weekend is now the beating heart of San Francisco’s alternative comedy scene.

On Wednesday, September 9, go to the Punchline Comedy Club to see Jacob Sirof. He’s an SF native who was a class ahead of me in comedy when we started. He likes jokes and likes to be a bit of a dick.

Then on Friday or Saturday, Ali Wong is headlining Cobb’s Comedy Club. Ali and I started out in the open mics together. We all knew she would be famous right away. She came out of the gate as a fearless unstoppable prolific comedian and never looked back. These days she’s writing for Fresh Off the Boat, which stars her old pal Randall Park, and is about to tape a standup special. I expect it to be funny and dirty.

Here’s a deep cut of a sketch she did way back in 2007 with her then-boyfriend Chris Garcia. They’re both recently or about to be married to other people, but you can see why this was a, ahem, fruitful collaboration:

Finally, on Saturday night, if you stubbornly refuse to watch me at Cynic Cave or Ali Wong at Cobb’s, try Doc’s Lab to see Set List. Set List is a show where comedians are given their set list when they go out on stage, and have to improvise the act on the spot. Eddie Pepitone is coming up for this one, and he makes me laugh every time he speaks.

Go see some comedy.

Nato Green is a comedian who apparently makes a living arguing about housing with libertarians on twitter. Join the fracas @natogreen.

[Photo: Cynic Cave]

A two-alarm fire broke out last night on Shotwell Street between 20th and 21st, shutting down the surrounding block and destroying at least one building in the process.

Mission Local reports:

The fire burnt out the top floor of 628 Shotwell St., which is a residential care facility for the elderly, and damaged the exterior wall of 634 Shotwell St. next door, but no significant injuries were reported.

Fire Department Assistant Chief David Franklin said the fire started on the top floor of 628 Shotwell St. and that one resident of the building suffered from smoke inhalation. He said the fire is under investigation but that “the top floor is pretty well damaged.” […]

“At least” eight people would require placement from the Red Cross, he added, including the six elderly residents of the senior care facility.

San Francisco Fire Station 7 is located on the corner of 19th and Folsom—mere blocks from last night’s fire.  

[Photo: Jared Joiner]

Everyone’s favorite porn palace, The Armory, just announced that they’re turning their huge drill court (pictured above) into a full-time event space. From the press release (emphasis added):

After nearly a million dollars in upgrades, San Francisco’s former National Guard Armory will launch as a full-time events space, The Armory, under the control of San Francisco nightlife luminary Audrey Joseph. […]

An earlier incarnation of the venue, The Armory Community Center, opened in 2013 and hosted book fairs, theater events, and several Pride and New Year’s parties. But the 40,000 square foot space still needed work if it was going to compete with more established venues. When Joseph took the helm at the beginning in 2015, she immediately began capital improvements to make it a world-class venue that could attract major event promoters.

Now, alongside its signature 80-foot domed ceiling, The Armory boasts heavily soundproofed walls and windows, brand new bathrooms, a coat check and floating hardwood flooring. The Armory holds up to 4,000 people, making it one of the biggest venues in the city. Boasts Joseph: “It has the best dance floor in San Francisco.” […]

“The space is ripe to tickle the imagination of any creative event planner and promoter,” says Joseph. “And the building itself, this incredible castle, evokes an almost erotic curiosity. It’s a destination space right in the heart of the city.”

According to the press release, the venue is in talks with LiveNation and Goldenvoice about booking “a more aggressive schedule.”

[Photo: The Armory]

Since the northern half of Dolores Park reopened this past June, the city has stepped up enforcement on minor quality-of-life issues under the guise of reducing littering in the park. And so, when we noticed a park ranger at Dolores this past Saturday, we thought it would be interesting to follow him around for a bit and see his enforcement priorities for ourselves.

After warning a group for the crime of having a table, the ranger took a moment to hassle these guys about their amplified sound (apparently they hadn’t gone to the trouble of getting their speaker personally OK’d by Supervisor Scott Wiener).

He then meandered over to this guy and told him that having glass in the park could land him a $192 fine.

And in what had to be the most bizarre interaction of the day, the ranger then approached a clown and his sidekick who were at first too busy painting the faces of children to notice the ranger’s arrival. The clown’s tiny speaker (playing children’s tunes) needed an amplified sound permit, apparently. It seems spreading joy to children has no place in The New Dolores Park (™).

Having harshed the clown’s mellow, the ranger made sure this smoker knew he was sitting on dangerous ground. Smoking in Dolores is illegal, don’t you know?

Sipping wine quietly while you causally smoke a cigarette? That’s a double warning.

Standing around drinking a Trumer Pils? Don’t think so.

Oh yeah, and this table on the sidewalk has got to go.

It’s like no one saw the giant flashing road sign warning of $192 fines for having glass. This guy didn’t:

Nor did these ladies:

Nor this guy:

Nor these women:

And definitely not these women:

What’s that? You’re brown and smoking a cigarette?

Yeah that will cost you a ticket.

And again, no glass in the park.

Bros, seriously with the table? What were you thinking.

And the ranger practically chased this woman from the park for the crime of smoking a cigarette.

It’s important to remember that all of this occurred in the span of an hour and ten minutes, and by no means is the entirety of encounters between the ranger and parkgoers. Incidents not pictured include the ranger grilling a tourist for having sparkling water, and telling a twenty-something he couldn’t drink iced tea (the man looked totally dumbstruck for a second, and then gave the ranger the finger).

And while it’s upsetting that the city apparently now deems it an enforcement priority to have a ranger nanny-stating his way through the entire park, this is the obvious outcome of our elected officials repeatedly calling for increased policing in the park.

The park ranger’s actions this past Saturday left us wondering: is the real goal behind this crackdown curbing littering, or is there a larger desire to remake the park’s culture? Because if our representatives truly wanted to see increased police presence without stomping on park culture, then they could have worked to repeal the laws that criminalize that culture. Instead, they ensured the park was hit with more of the same broken windows policing that has failed to keep the park clean for years.