— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
The cans remain the same, the beer still tastes like Wednesday night at Bender's, and a twelve continues to cost a buck more than high life at the local bodega. Is the packaging refresh enough to stem the tide of Tecate ubiquity in the Mission? (History says probably not)
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Nothing is quite as appalling as seeing Yet Another Food Truck and ABC News setting up shop directly outside a general strike. Don't get me wrong—I'm all for ice cream on a hot day. But to drive up to sell ice cream to a bunch of people trying to shut down commerce for the day? Well, that's just tacky.
But in true activist Oakland fashion, “Treats for the Streets” is no San Francisco food truck. They have no website, Yelp profile, Twitter feed, Facebook page, Tumblr, Groupon deal, or daily 7x7 Magazine coverage and they give their ice cream away for free.
Everyone involved seemed a little too busy to give me the low-down on how this mobile gift economy scheme works, but I'm digging it.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
As the piss-drunk Jesus sitting next to me so dickishly exclaimed when I snapped this pic, “THAT'S THE WORST FUCKING MR. PICKLE'S I'VE EVER SEEN!”
… says a guy dressed in a toga and a shit-brown sash.
See, tackling a cylindrical Mission icon like Mr. Pickle is no fucking joke. You need two pepper-filled bandoliers, some way of mimicking his bloated, vinegar-riddled body without sacrificing mobility, and a hat the size of some small adults. Never mind figuring out a way to carry around delicious veggie Station 7 lathered in pesto without being accosted by every famished boy and girl in dire need of some hot sando action.
While all this truth was being broken down to shitty Jesus, Mr. Pickle remained cool and collected—staying above the fray, quietly guzzling bourbon while Jesus continued to hurl ineffectual insults. The tactic worked; eventually Jesus backed down and shifted his energy to molesting a bottle of zinfandel.
So next time Your Savior is tanked and talking trash, just ask yourself: What Would Mr. Pickle Do?
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Marina-based taco and tequila purveyor Tacolicious is going to great lengths to shed their freighting Chustnut Street image for their foray into the Mission, going so far as to employ the Mission's artistic weapon of choice to paint their new signage. And, as Eater reports, we have a lot more than shots of nondescript tequila and hard-shell tacos to look forward too:
The outdoor seating section will be sheltered by a retractable roof, there will be a designated phone area made out of 1950s and 1970s phone booths and—something new in these parts—tequila on tap.
While all that may sound needless and gimmicky, I'm all sorts of pumped that bars are recognizing the growing need for a quite place to yell at Siri.
Opening this November!
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Everyone already loves Uptown for its cheap drinks, bathroom art, and the various lifeforms growing on the furniture. But if you're one of the few people that needs a specific reason to visit the place, you can head over Saturday afternoon to put back whiskey-cokes and bro down with a mayoral candidate—The People's Candidate, no less.
The event promises learning about John's party-positive vision for San Francisco, which presumably involves pool, blasting Metallica, and key bumps in the bathroom.
See you there!
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
I know it's my job as a 'journalist,' or whatever the fuck people are calling assholes with websites these days, to “go to the source” and “ask the tough questions.” But I just want to know: what the fuck is up with this place?
Upon discovering this joint's signage at 2am one night while drunkenly searching for a bucket of salsa verde to shove my face in, I asked a few surrounding people what was with the name. “It sounds like a gay Hooter's,” was pretty much the most coherent answer given. Another person suggested it was a front for gun running and miserable grammar. Pretty much everyone assumed you could go there to lift weights and grunt a lot. Pretty much no one assumed you could buy actual food there.
Now, this shop has open for two months at 24th and Folsom and still does not have a single Yelp review, giving credence to the Pollos Hermanos theory, but I'm not convinced. Is it just a poorly-named sandwich and pizza shop opened by someone unaware of the area's history with gun violence, or the work of a witty entrepreneur trying to capitalize on faux local blog outrage?
Also, has anyone actually eaten here and will I die from ordering a hoagie?
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
I know we're all still mourning the loss of our dear friend/salsa bar El Tonayense, who was rudely evicted from their 24th n' Shotwell location after their relationship with their landlord went sour. But, our loss also appears to be our gain because Wise Sons Jewish Delicatessen is moving in.
For those of you who haven't spent a considerable amount of time on the east coast, Jewish deli's are home to bagels that actually taste like bagels, piles of lox, and, of course, cute Jewish boys and girls. Wise Sons is no different: their menu is packed full of vegan and non-vegan matzo ball soup, latkes, pickles, and crazy sandos, among other staples. And just look at their chocolate babka:
Cinnamon babka not available, with respect to Jerry Seinfeld.
Unfortunately we're going to have to wait until “early 2012” for them to finally open their doors/stuff our faces/tell us we don't visit often enough in exaggeratedly nasally voices, but that cake is worth the wait.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Perhaps not the most obvious partnership, but for the cost of five foil tubes of soyrizo paired with a thimble salsa, this thousand calorie log of intestinal mayhem could be what people see when you bust out a sick ollie or whatever.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
We're big fans of La Oaxaqueña: their banana leaf mole tamales practically melt in your mouth, the bowls of guacamole are as big as your face, their cup of hot chocolate is as thick as they come, they have some of the finest bathroom art in the Mission, you can carry in your own 24s of King Cobra and Four Loko, and a full meal for four will only set you back $30. But as many have lamented, they've been shut down for the last two months, forcing us to once again settle for the midnight tacos and burritos we've all become accustomed too.
Well, Eater brings us news that everyone's favorite Mission Street tamale parlor has posted a sign in the window promising an imminent comeback:
“Dear Customers, please have patience. We will re-open very soon. We have been busy restructuring and revamping our space and our New & Exciting menu!!! [sic]”
Eater is banking on the “new & exciting menu” being FDA and Health Dept. compliant, but let's hope they don't change a thing.
[Eater]
