Mission District

Martuni's: A Piano Bar in a Karaoke World

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

For this week's cover story, the SF Weekly took a long look at Martuni's, the delightfully dark, drunk and oft-forgotten piano bar on the corner of Market and Valencia. The article goes at length talking about the personalities inside the bar, and what the last remaining piano bar in a city that used to be littered with them does to stay in business.

“Nothing ever changes,” notes the Weekly's Joe Eskenazi. “A customer can sit at the same table and order the same drink from the same bartender, year in, year out. This is why [Martuni's] won't switch to plastic glasses or revamp décor regulars affectionately refer to as 'Disneyland's Haunted Mansion.'” (The bar even spends $200 a week replacing glassware as a consequence.)

But the real story here, in my not so humble opinion, is the contrast between piano bars and karaoke:

[The Great American Songbook] is now perceived as anachronistic, as are the piano bars where it was celebrated. And the market for anachronisms is limited. For all but a few souls, the only remaining outlet for public singing is karaoke, a musical drinking game. Karaoke patrons doing “My Way” are not actually doing it their way; they're singing along to whatever inflexible arrangement is programmed into the machine. There's a striking difference between following the bouncing ball for a machine and a professional musician following you, accentuating your strengths and covering up your weaknesses; it's painting vs. paint-by-numbers. But, for most people, the distinction between karaoke and piano bars is something they either don't see or don't care to. Karaoke bars, in this and every city, are plentiful. Piano bars are dinosaurs.

All that is probably true, but I couldn't help but think of DJ Purple's saxophone-infused karaoke shitshow.  He may not be “a professional musician following you,” but just one night listening to him light up the room with thundering sax solos between verses will make every other karaoke night in the city just seem… boring.  It may not be as intimate as listening to a piano man and vocalist fill a candle-lit room—and I don't see Jack's tossing out their pool table in favor of a parlor grand anytime soon—but it's hard not to look at karaoke, a musical medium defined by its approachability, accompanied by live instrumentals as the future of bar entertainment.

Piano bars may be dinosaurs and karaoke might be an unworthy and rigid successor, but the hunger for the unpredictably and energy of a live musician is still there.  They just need, as the article suggests, to adapt.

[SF Weekly]

Blue Fig Gets a Parklet

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

There it is, the makings of a new parklet for Blue Fig and After Life vintage.  And, in conjunction with Freewheel's and the 'Deepistan National Parklet, this will make this stretch of Valencia the only block in the city with three parklets lining it.

It's worth pointing out that this is shaping up to be a parklet dominated by commercial restaurant seating (think Cafe Revolution's and Crepe House's), rather than one of the more architecturally stunning works found at Fabric 8 or Farm:Table.  But a parklet is a parklet, amirite?

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Foreign Cinema Protested for Trying to Turn the Eagle Tavern Straight

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

As you might have heard, the eviction of The Eagle Tavern has been quite the controversy to both the LGBT community and lovers of good bars in general.  To some, the closure was yet another tragedy in the assault on gay culture in the ever-gentrifying SoMa neighborhood; to others, another casualty in the erosion of San Francisco's character.

But plans by area queer businesspersons to pay the $15,000/month rent and re-open the Eagle offered up an encouraging glimmer of hope—until an owner of Foreign Cinema came in to open a “high-end restaurant” in the space.  Feeling burned by the landlord and Foreign Cinema for playing the role of quasi-homewrecker, activist-types picketed the restaurant on Sunday chanting “our space, queer space” and something about how good their bloody marys are.

Here's what the protest organizers had to say about the situation:

A valiant team of queer business owners have been trying hard to reopen the Eagle over the last year. After many months of hard work, they got the landlord to agree to a contract, signed it and sent it to him to sign. They didn't hear back from him for weeks.

The landlord deliberately dropped the potential gay business owners in order to pursue business with five straight guys. This is the third or fourth time that the landlord has purposefully dicked around with gay business owners. Could this be a pattern of homophobia?

These five straight dudes want to open up a high-end restaurant where our beloved Eagle used to be. One of them is a part owner of “Foreign Cinema” the $20+ per plate restaurant that lies at the heart of gentrified mission. These straight guys insist that they can support our gay community just as well as any gay owner. That's bullshit.

Now, the landlord who has refused to let a gay business owner come back to the Eagle is trying to slam through a liquor license transfer to the space. They're hired well connected consultants to get it through lightning fast - the City Operations Committee that first supported it spent a whopping 7 minutes for the entire meeting.

The “homophobia” bit sounds like the stretch, but it sounds like they have a point on the landlord being a bit of a greedy shithead wise entrepreneur.  Regardless, does it really make sense to drag Foreign Cinema into the mix?  Can you really blame 'em for taking advantage of an opportunity to serve yummy $6.75 pop-tarts to more people?

[h/t SFist | Photo by Bob Horowitz]

These Pickled Eggs Are Like an LSD Trip

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

That there is the $3 curried pickled egg plate from St. Vincent which, according to Chronicle food blogger Michael Bauer, is so good and technicolored, “you'd swear you were on an LSD trip.”  From eggs.

(That said, the rest of the menu was apparently pricy and not that awesome, but the portions are “as if the restaurant were situated in a logging camp in Montana rather than in the heart of the Mission.”  But, whatever—those eggs will make you trip balls, bro.)

[SFgate | Photo by GrubStreet]

Mission Possible: The Mother Lode of Mission Maps

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Cartography students from UC Berkeley's Geography Department have just dumped the mother lode of Mission maps upon us—22 data-filled maps of everything from racial population shifts to missed connections during the lunar cycles.  From The Atlantic Cities:

Darin Jensen is the UC Berkeley professor behind this project, and he argues that the maps provide distinct lenses through which the neighborhood can be experienced or understood.

“One's perception of a place is guided or framed by the thing they're looking at. So if you're looking at the coffee map, that's what you think is going on in the Mission, because that's the map you have in front of you,” Jensen says.

“What we wanted to do in this series is show people that, yes, there are coffee shops and you can pick a coffee shop based on its price per cup. But turn the page and you'll also see that there's gang territory in the mission or you can turn the page again and you can see how many children under six years old live in the Mission,” Jensen says. “It's a way to show all these parallel universes, if you will.”

You probably noticed that north is west and south is east—in other words, the map is all twisted and Dolores Park is suddenly out North Pole. TAC explains:

Jensen says north-oriented maps reinforce a kind of northern hemisphere centrism, and that orienting this set of maps to the west was a deliberate choice to break with that convention.

Gotcha!

Here' a few more:

See the rest of the maps at Mission Possible,

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

This is What Affordable Housing Looks Like

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Some scofflaws, who apparently spend more money on nice plastic “RENT IS THEFT” banners than rent itself, recently took up squatting the burnt-out remains of 502 Capp Street.  Let's take a look at what they're getting:

Like to host dinner parties?  Well you're in luck!  This beautifully refurbished dine-in kitchen comes fully stocked with a gas stove, plenty of granite counter tops, and a dish washer to help you keep everything clean.

The bedroom comes furnished with a lamp, dresser, and a queen bed with two pillows.  Perfect for stretching out after a long day of smashing the state.  No bed bugs!

Ample closet space.

Sometimes you just gotta relax.  Why not have your friends over for a round of Apples to Apples while sampling on some cheeses from Bi-Rite?  Additional seating can be found in the pile in the middle of the floor.

Washer/dryer in-unit.

I know, I know—I know what you're thinking: the bathroom is kind of a mess.  But there is absolutely no mold!  Think of it as your canvas—this bathroom can become whatever you imagine it to be!

In short, with cheap digs like this, I'm sure these kids will have no problem recruiting people to join the cause.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Tartine is Bull-Shheet

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

That's what Starbucks' Pascal Rigo has to say about everyone's preferred morning bun purveyor in a rather mouthy interview with SF Magazine:

“[San Francisco] is the only place in the world where a bakery will make money by having bread at five o’clock in the afternoon. And it’s what—40 or 50 loaves, and each one costs seven bucks? It’s good, yes, but to call it a bakery … it’s bull-sheet.”

Read on for his thoughts on foodie bloggers, his “fuck nos” to the seasonal/locavore/organic-types, and other such nonsense.

[via Grub Street | Photo by Zoe Banks]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

New Farina Pizza Corner Unveiled

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Crews tore down the plywood yesterday to unveil this bumpy, white-walled pizza spot/70s coke den at the corner of 18th and Valencia.  One of the construction workers said it was to be on outpost of Farina (its main location just up the street) and, by the looks of it, they are intending to sell a lot of wine.

(Also, is this actually news?  Come to think of it, I've never even been to the old Farina.  I don't think anyone's ever been.  Are they still in business?)

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