Bicycles

Lo-Fi Super PAC "Coalition of Native San Franciscans" Wants Cyclists to Self-Deport

Following last week's Kinko's-based attack on locally bloggers, the “Coalition of Native San Franciscans Against the Influx of Transplant Douchers” has began fliering some neighborhood called the Inner Richmond, urging its invasive population of stem-pushers to relocate to Oakland.  And maybe they're on to something?  Cheaper rents, superior warehouse culture, flatter roads, and almost non-lethal air quality—a cyclist's paradise.

[Photo by PD Bird]

The Power of The Wiggle

The NY Times (teaming up with illustrator extraordinaire Wendy MacNaughton) took a look at the Wiggle yesterday, teaching East Coasters how we manage our elevation problem:

The first time I set out along the Wiggle, I carried a wrinkled receipt with the street names scrawled in blue ink on the back: Fell, Scott, Haight, Pierce, Waller, Steiner, Duboce. Through the first few turns, I checked and rechecked my cheat-sheet, but by mid-Wiggle, I realized that no cheat-sheet was necessary. The flattest route was obvious — in fact, it was marked on the pavement with faded arrows — and more important, the flow of bikers was thickening.

This, even more than its flatness, is the power of the Wiggle. It’s a funnel. I rode my bike to work most mornings after that, and I always looked forward to the effect. I’d start out alone, pushing up that shallow grade. Next I’d curl through the corner of Golden Gate Park and into the long green strip of the Panhandle, where I’d pick up a few fellow travelers. And then, the thickening: I would zigzag through the Wiggle, gaining new companions block by block, and emerge onto Market Street in possession of a posse, an impromptu bicycle gang, a protective cohort.

Read on.

Keep Your Bike Warm and Secure

I think this guy has got the optimal bike locking strategy all figured out.  U-Locks are a bummer because they're bulky and heavy and pull your pants down while you ride, exposing your undies and unsightly ass-crack to the world behind you.  Cable locks are equally unwieldy and pretty lousy at keeping your bike secure.  But the fleece hoodie knotted around the seatpost—my, oh my—it's lightweight and wearable, will confuse a hacksaw-welding thief, and, should your bike and hoodie still be there when you leave the bar, provide warmth and comfort as the summer temperatures climb into the low 60s.

KRON's Stanley Roberts Sticks His Dick in a Beehive Again

Following Tuesday's controversial report on cyclists running stop signs on the Wiggle, KRON's “sleeping bear” Stanley Roberts returned to the scene of the shoddy journalism to instigate cyclists once again.  And, adorably, Stanley was somewhat surprised by reaction he got from the crowd.

Apparently, he wasn't all to pleased with the LASHING he got on Twitter and Uptown, so he went back to the Wiggle to get bent out of shape all over again.

Exhibit A.

After complaining about being labeled anti-bike (he is) and taking issue with people telling him to start picking on cars, he brushed off his detractors by saying, “What is this, the fifth grade? Why is everyone pick-in' on meee?

Now Stanley is showing the middle finger meanies who's boss with a renewed war on bikers: no more headphones or ear buds because they're unsafe (or maybe not)—“end of discussion.”  And this sleeping bear, woken up by the pokes of Wiggle riders behaving badly, is putting these hardened criminals on notice:

Lurky Guy On Valencia Stealing Bike Lights, Creeping Folks Out

According to the Facebook of Nooworks shopgirl/designer Gwen, there is a man on the prowl along Valencia St. for some new bikes and/or accessories to add to his collection:

LOOK OUT: so this morning when I arrived at the shop there was a weird dude is a baseball cap that appeared to be sizing up an adult and 2 kids bikes locked up to the rack. I stopped and stared at him for a while. Then he asked me what I was looking at and told me he wasn't going to rob me. I said I was wondering what it was he was up to. I stood and watched him as he continued to ding the bell on one of the bikes. Finally he got spooked by me mad dogging him and he walked away. He then tried to come back 15 minutes later but I scared him off again. When the owner of the bikes returned I talked to her and sure enough he had gotten her lights, but that was all. Anyway he is around the mission with a black baseball cap black gloves and a black cane but he is probably only 40 years old or so. He is wearing a yellow shirt. I am just mad I didn't call the cops immediately.

Be on the lookout for this sketchtoid, and remember to take your lights with you and lock up your shit real tight!

Valencia Street is Now "SF Bicycle Route 45"

Sometime over the last few weeks, the cartographers over at Google came to the sensible realization that Mission streets are for bikes, not cars and horse-drawn carts.  And with that realization came the slow abandonment of those old, dated street names in favor of new, proper bike-centric street names that are just as confusing as our Muni lines.

Rejoice!

World's Most Amazing Voice Covers Cyclists Running Stop Signs on the Wiggle

Oh here we go again: the notoriously anti-bike and generally stodgy Stanley Roberts was out again filming “People Behaving Badly.”  This time? The two-wheeled locusts bombing through the Wiggle's stop signs, displaying a general disregard for law and order as they aim to plow over dogs and other helpless pedestrians.

Stanley boasts the number of $300 tickets SFPD issues to these miscreants as the victims of a broke police force point out SFPD probably has better things to do.

As you may remember, SFPD bicycle officers have a troubled relationship with stop sign laws, often treating them as yield signs themselves.

Towards the end of the video, around the 1:20 mark, Stanley goes on to interview an 'angry' pedestrian who rails against the recklessness of cyclists while numerous automobiles run the stop sign in the background.

SFPD did not pull any of those vehicles over.

Update: Victims of the Zeitgeist Bikepocalypse Can File Insurance Claims

Following up on Saturday's accident at the Zeitgeist bike corral that saw 30+ rides wrecked, the SF Bike Coalition learns that victims can go to Mission Station to file an insurance claim:

The SF Bicycle Coalition has confirmed with the Mission Police Station that the driver of the vehicle did stop and provide their insurance information.  If your bicycle was one of the bikes damaged in the crash, go to the Mission Police Station and provide a description of your bike. You will receive a case number and details to file an insurance claim.

Now we get to wait and see if the city will bother to replace the month-old corral, or just chalk it up to bad planning.

Car Plows Through Zeitgeist's Bike Rack, Multiple Fixies Injuried

Fellow UA author Erika is on the scene at Zeitgeist where a car just barreled through Zeitgeist's bike rack:

“A car just plowed through the bike rack at Zeitgeist and hit a person.  Bike parts everywhere.  At least everyone got drink tickets as emotional compensation.”

Upwards of 30 bikes were destroyed in the accident and the person is “okay” with a broken leg.

More grisly crime scene photos below:

Searching for survivors.

New Terrible Thing That Can Happen to Your Bike in the Mission: Tire Slashing!

Anyone who's biked in this city for more than a week knows that basically our bikes are fucked no matter what we do. No matter how many locks and chains and cables you carry around, someone can still steal it if they really set their mind to it. Either that or they'll disassemble it for you in your absence.

Anyway, last Saturday night I left my bike parked on 15th & South Van Ness for about 90 minutes and someone slashed my rear tire. That's the start and end of the story. I know you're all probably going to be like “Oh well you should've known, leaving your bike parked there! You shouldn't have left it!” but come on, sometimes you just can't bring your bike inside with you. Sometimes you need to park it on the street for a little bit while you go drink jungle juice with your coworkers.

So there you have it - the age-old spirit of this meaningless, stupid and randomly malicious crime is alive and well in the Mission!

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