Being Cool

This bike has been parked at my office a lot lately.  I have no clue what kind of bike it really is [EDIT: mud flap says 'Honda'], but I give the owner mad props for being infinitely cooler than all the middle aged bikers in my building who ride boring ass BMW road bikes and Ducatis. 

In all my years of reading Craigslist ads, I believe this poster found "the ultimate Craigslist formula":

You are looking at one sexy BBW of a bike. Her name is Bertha and she loves to ride. I bought Bertha a year ago and she has been my moped on steroids. I only ride her around the city when I need to get somewhere fast. Dual disc up front on this bitch because fat chicks don't stop on a dime, they stop on big wet burritos. One fork seal is blown. Clear coat on the tank is coming off. But just like any hot fat chick you date they have problems so what do you expect?  Give her love and she will get you laid.  Starts up right away on the first time but then she needs to sit there while she gets her juices flowing.  If you are some skinny mission hipster/trustafarian this would be the perfect bike for you to hide your wealth behind, and mitigate your outrageous 5k collection of apple products you can't even use but to browse the internet and post pics of you facebook playing the same three cord on your guitar with some stupid scarf on your neck. This truly is a poor persons Honda. The only problem with hipsters is you are probably too weak and pot saturated to wield such a big bitch; Hipsters are used to women who starve themselves on cigarettes, cocaine, bottled water, and tofu patties. I think a 50cc Buddy would be really up your ally. If you have any questions let me know. If they are funny and not entirely stupid I may answer. If you actually want to buy this thing I will probably in all likely hood respond. If there are no buyers I will ghost ride this bitch into a wall for 500 and you can video that shit and put it on youtube or digg if you are one of those.

If a motorcycle-riding, 33-year-old Shakespeare wrote Craigslist posts, I think this is what we would have studied in high school.  I mean, it took a mere 7 words for this author to compare his bike to a fat chick.  That's not grammar school bullshit, that's untapped genius.  Let us review this author's formula:

1. Compare product to a fat chick
2. Tell potential buyers that their fat friend will get them laid
3. Inform potential buyers that they'll need to perform cunnilingus on the product for it to function properly
4. Make fun of hipsters
5. Make fun of hipster's girlfriends
6. Tell people you probably won't answer their questions
7. Inform people that if they are too stupid to buy what you're selling, you're going to make said product 'go viral'

Take my money, good sir.

Man, what a Sunday.  In what had to have been the first sunny day in San Francisco since 1997, there was an endless supply of great things to do.  A nice bike ride along Ocean Beach during Sunday Streets, checking out the vendors and bands at Rock Make in the Mission, rocking out to They Might Be Giants and Rouge Wave at Stern Grove, maybe just a peaceful, albeit traffic infested bike ride along the coast in Marin.  Or you could have, yet again, just hung out with thousands of your coolest friends in Dolores Park to witness to the day's ultimate freak show.

Letter from my neighbor:

Hey guys-