Being Cool

Is it Time to Stop Encouraging Cyclists to Wear Helmets?

I don't wear a helmet in San Francisco.  It's part laziness (carrying it around is annoying and locking it up will most certainly get it stolen) and part vanity (helmets make me sweaty and gross, and helmet hair is awful and my sex life is such that I cannot afford anymore handicaps), but it's in no part stupidity.

I wear helmets when it counts: mountain biking, when I'm plenty apt to crash into a tree or eat dirt due to general imbalance and ineptitude, or while heading out for a long road ride in Marin, when loose gravel, high speeds, and crazed BMW motorists have a knack for creating unsafe situations (also, I don't care how my beautifully-sculpted hair looks after any of these activities).  But in SF while getting back and forth from work?  Nope.  Between lower speeds on both mine and the drivers part, coupled with straighter roads, bike lanes, and the sheer number of bikes on the street increasing our visibility, the risk factor just isn't there.

That's not to say I don't hear about my choice.  The city's metermaids that are required to wear exceptionally dorky bike helmets while riding around in their fun lil' Cushmans are particularly vocal, smugly telling this non-revenue generating rider that “I should be wearing a helmet.”  The San Francisco Bike Coalition is similarly in rider's faces, demanding that members bring helmets to the organization's events.  I even once dated a girl who told me she wasn't sure she could date someone who “didn't value his life” because I don't strap on a lid before riding 5 blocks to Dolores Park.

But, it turns out, that San Francisco's bike advocates might be doing themselves a genuine disservice in promoting helmet usage, as helmets actually discourage people from getting on a bike.  And for a city that aims to have 20% of all commuters on a bike by 2020, despite only 3.5% do so today, we could use all the help we get.

The NY Times opines:

In the United States the notion that bike helmets promote health and safety by preventing head injuries is taken as pretty near God’s truth. Un-helmeted cyclists are regarded as irresponsible, like people who smoke. Cities are aggressive in helmet promotion.

But many European health experts have taken a very different view: Yes, there are studies that show that if you fall off a bicycle at a certain speed and hit your head, a helmet can reduce your risk of serious head injury. But such falls off bikes are rare — exceedingly so in mature urban cycling systems.

On the other hand, many researchers say, if you force or pressure people to wear helmets, you discourage them from riding bicycles. That means more obesity, heart disease and diabetes. And — Catch-22 — a result is fewer ordinary cyclists on the road, which makes it harder to develop a safe bicycling network. The safest biking cities are places like Amsterdam and Copenhagen, where middle-aged commuters are mainstay riders and the fraction of adults in helmets is minuscule.

Pushing helmets really kills cycling and bike-sharing in particular because it promotes a sense of danger that just isn’t justified — in fact, cycling has many health benefits,” says Piet de Jong, a professor in the department of applied finance and actuarial studies at Macquarie University in Sydney. He studied the issue with mathematical modeling, and concludes that the benefits may outweigh the risks by 20 to 1.

As San Francisco moves to install its 50 station/500 bikes bike-sharing program, the issue of helmets could be the difference between its success or failure.  In cities where helmets are mandatory, participation in the program is low (just 150 rides a day in Melbourne, Australia), whereas it soars in cities were it is optional (5,000 rides a day in Dublin).  As a biking coordinator in Minniapolis said, “I just want it to be seen as something that a normal person can do. You don’t need special gear. You just get on a bike and you just go.”

[NY Times | Photo by Mathew Wilson]

Magazine Known For Ranking Wealthy Americans Now Ranking Hipster Neighborhoods

According to fancy rich businessmen, this is what a hipster looks like.

Forbes, a fancy magazine known for putting together lists of Americans who can afford the most yachts and Russian stripper pool parties, has decided to take up ranking “America's Best Hipster Neighborhoods”.  Now, this isn't the first time some faltering magazine put together some pointless asinine list about the best places for hipsters, however, it's maybe worth nothing that the Mission has moved up from from third place to second, meaning we only have to open one or two more coffee shops until we're the best place to not give a shit in America.

Forbes writes:

“What we love about The Mission is the amazing diversity and lack of pretense in this historically hip neighborhood,” says Dabney Lawless of Nextdoor.com. Restaurants, bars, coffee shops, and food trucks abound in San Francisco's oldest hood. It also has the largest concentration of street art and building murals in the city.

Of course, you're probably wondering who beat us. (You are, right?)  Shockingly (or not), Williamsburg finished behind us in third—Silver Lake in LA took the top prize.

[via Curbed]

What I Learned at The Armory Club's Opening Night Party

I somehow managed to get into The Armory Club's exclusive opening night party this past weekend (read: I showed up at the door and asked if I could come in) and got to check out first hand what they're up to.  First of all, Kink.com spared no expense in making the place look like Rickhouse.  They took a beer bar that basically amounted to a dude's garage with a pool table and turned it into a glowing oasis that tricks you into paying $9 for a cocktail and putting on pants that aren't cut off at the knees.  I mean, just look at their stunning new ceiling:

See?  Fancy.  Also, their bathrooms are clean and their cocktail menu is made out of metal and could easily be used to bludgeon various small animals to death.  But, moving on…

I don't know a lot about cocktails, nor do I ever really go to cocktail bars.  Needless to say, I'm not completely clued into foodie mixology trends.  So when they served me a drink with three ice cubes that happened to be the size of SpongeBob's grotesquely inflamed testicles, I was fucking outraged.  Only three ice cubes?  What the fuck is this shit?  I paid nine dollars for this goddamn thing, I expected to get my money's worth.

As I angrily signed up for a Yelp account, the man sitting to my right put his hand in his date's face and turned to me:

Bad Date: Not to interrupt, but big ice cubes are really “in” right now.

Me: What?

Bad Date: Yeah, bigger ice cubes are a sign of elegance.  There was more thought put into these ice cubes.

Me: I think I want my money back.

Bad Date: See, the thinking is one larger ice cube will melt slower than a few smaller ice cubes because there is less surface area in relation to volume.  You know, thus not watering down your cocktail as quickly.

Me: Oh.  Yeah, melting ice cubes isn't a problem for me.

Bad Date: Why?

Me: Never mind.  I need another drink.

Bad Date: But square ice cubes are on their way out, the real hotness right now is ice balls.

Me: Jesus.

Bad Date: Yeah, a real classy place has a heated metal device that costs around $300 and melts a giant ice cube into a circular ice ball.  See, that way there is even less surface area than an ice cube because there are no edges.  They'll just plop one giant ball in your class.

Me: Makes sense.

Bad Date: The whole thing is stupid anyway, because if the ice cube theoretically melted slower, it wouldn't be keeping your drink cool.  In reality, they melt all the same, it's just that the bigger cubes last longer.

We went on chatting about cocktail culture for a few minutes before I reminded him he came to the bar with someone and our conversation came to an end.  But, yeah, look out for giant ice balls in the Mission!

(Oh, and here's a bonus picture of a piece of artwork on The Armory Club's wall:)

The Mission: "The Neighborhood Facebook Built"

Because of my sick fascination with what travel writers have to say about our beloved neighborhood, I tend to read a lot of trite puff pieces from the likes of the Los Angeles Times and the San Francisco Chronicle.

These hotel folk often see things about cities and neighborhoods that their inhabitants don't spot.  While we're too busy discussing the details, they see the bigger picture, identifying emerging pop urban trends before any of the locals even know what the hell is happening behind the wheel of the Urban Safari.

With that, today's blurb from Oregon's MIX Magazine is a real doozy:

The Neighborhood Facebook Built

Once upon a time The Mission was the “Mexican neighborhood.” It was known for its cheap bars, big burritos, and the guys on the corner who sold bacon-wrapped hot dogs or baggies of chile-dusted mango slices.

The hot dog slingers are still there, but things are definitely changing. Brooklyn-ization is in full swing. The commerce of cool is booming. Rents are skyrocketing, partly because everyone wants to live in the newly trendy Mission, and partly because of its proximity to Silicon Valley. On weekday mornings, large luxury buses equipped with deluxe seats and Wi-Fi park in strategic locations, ready to truck tech workers south to Apple, Facebook and other high-profile companies each day. The people on those buses are mostly young and are supposed to be wicked smart. They have ample cash flow and highly discerning taste. They’ll wait for hours for a table at a hip Jewish deli, pay $13.50 for a gourmet Reuben sandwich, and then tweet about the experience: “To our right, babies slurping matzo ball soup. To our left, a family speaking Hebrew. Behind us, a pair of transvestites. @wisesonsdeli.”

I know, I know, my initial reaction was to tell her go the fuck on back north, too.  “The neighborhood Facebook built?”  Puh-leeeease.

But once I choked my rising bile back down, I got to thinking that this crazy foodie globetrotter isn't all that wrong.  Is the Mission really a “Mexican” neighborhood anymore?  Well, no.  At least, not if you look at the clientele almost every new business is targeting.  Sure, we still have murals, festivals, hot-dog carts, Spanish-speaking businesses, and, as the author put it, “it’s still possible to get a great burrito in The Mission.”  But things are “definitely changing.”

Does this mean The Mission has graduated from “Latino/hipster neighborhood” to “urban 'suburb'”, adding another chapter to its Native American villages/settler farmland/industrial center/Irish-German neighborhood history?  Perhaps it's too soon for that (I mean, we still have places like The Roxie and Bender's and Clooney's and Casa Sanchez punk nights and art collectives, right?), but this is increasingly how the outside world perceives us.

No Cuts For Mark Zuckerberg at Wise Sons

Mark Zuckerberg, the infamous founder of Facebook worth $20 billion (or whatever half of that is), has been waiting in line for brunch at Wise Sons Jewish Delicatessen for the last 30 minutes.  According to Uptown Almanac's Jewish sources, his appearance is underwhelming in the wake of Woody Allen's recent meal at the establishment.  This is only further illustrated by the fact that Woody skipped the line, care of a special reservation the restaurant gave him, whereas Zuckerberg was left to stand in line like a chump.

“I mean, this is no Larry David sighting at Canter's,” one Jewish source noted, “but it'll do.”

Note: as of press time, Mark Zuckerberg was still in line.

The Hip Sameness of Brooklyn and the Mission

As you might have heard, Rosamunde is opening another Mission Street-style sausage bar on Williamsburg's ever-popular Bedford Ave later this month.  While this news doesn't really seem to impact us here in San Francisco, Olu Johnson opines that this trend of bi-coastal urban neighborhood gems could be worse than the “endless drag of chain dining” found in bland suburbs:

When Blue Bottle, Mission Chinese, Rosamunde, (and to a lesser extent 826 Valencia) open up in Brooklyn and Austin, (and Detroit? Capitol Hill?, U Street?)- it creates a parallel urban universe of hip sameness. And worse, it means there is no more reason to travel. Why go to Billy'sburg or Red Hook if i'm just going to see the same bands, eat the same food, drink the same coffee, and be surrounded by graduates of the same 30 institutions, that I am when I'm in Lower Noe (aka Hayes Valley East aka the Mission)?

Maybe Olu's right—who needs Blue Bottle when there's Second Stop? Or Rosamunde when there's Bushwick Country Club serving complimentary Cheetos?  Brooklyn is obviously a world-class bohemian sandbox that doesn't need San Francisco institutions to make it worthwhile. (Although, as someone who recently spent a lot of time in Williamsburg, to say it's starting to look like the Mission because of a few restaurants is a huge stretch.  They still have a thriving street art scene, and warehouse parties, and a music scene.  Also, no one there wears messenger bags.  So, yeah, pretty different.)

But on the flip side, there's always that sameness, that comfort, people seek out when traveling.  Like how we gravitate towards the same 10 restaurants every time we pull off the highway, who wants to risk a questionable meal at some unknown Bedford hotspot when the tried-and-true Rosamunde is Right Down The Street?  If anything, Rosamunde is saving us from the risk and horror of experimentation while on the road, all while getting us drunk on “fun sausagey cocktails.”

[Butterfly Stories]

NYT: Bacon Isn't Manly

The New York Times recently shared their thoughts on bacon and manliness (with a little commentary on facial hair mixed in for good measure):

I've seen more mustached lips on the street and more bacon-wrapped-fried anythings on menus than ever before. And the Internet tells me that facial hair and pig fat is manly, so it's possible we are. But, I don't think any of that stuff makes you manly. A mustache, on most of you, makes you look like the kind of guy who has a suspicious locked room in his basement, and bacon in every meal makes you a gluttonous fatso. Both of these things seem kinda dumb to me, along with all the other nonsense guys are taking part in because it helps them hark back to the days of manly men.

I've long thought that bacon has become fetishized by self-esteem-deprived men looking to Prove Themselves in ways their job, environment, and general scent just doesn't otherwise allow.  Then again, I'm a vegetarian who is constantly cooking up veggie bacon in pans full of peanut oil because that shit tastes so good.  So maybe chowing down at the Bacon Bacon food truck is less about compensating for a cushy job, a college education, and growing up with loving parents and more about taste?

Plus, there's some decidedly questionable sexual benefits to having facial hair.

[Photo by eb78]

New Trend in Street Food: Serving Bánh Mì From a Hotel Maid Cart

I can't lie; I've never seen a certifiable Sketchy Motherfucker serving $3 sandwiches from a device used to haul around trash and “fluid”-stained sheets that I've been so inclined to trust with my nourishment and long-term health.  I mean, he really seems like he understands the whole essence of street food, no?

(Also, he's offering up five dollar non-Freudian psychotherapy sessions right from the grill, should you be feeling a little down while waiting to eat.)

"Instagram: The Beer" Coming to San Francisco!

Rarely do we here at Uptown Almanac get truly excited about a new product being sold in San Francisco, but rarely is such a product “the most hipster beer in the world.”

Oh yes.  Starting this month, Churchkey Can Co., the new beer from Entourage mega-hunk Adrian Grenier and “some dude who used to work at Nike,” will “rollout” to the Bay Area following a couple months of intense product incubation in the drunk and rainy cities of Portland and Seattle.

However, its appeal isn't coming from its association with actors, its army of Facebook and Zynga executive investors, nor its nice, instagrammy script title font on the side of every steal can.  Rather, it's gaining steam in the tech press because everyone is clamoring for its hot new vintage 1930s-era can design that requires you to open the lid with a primitive tool known as a “church key”.

“Church key?,” you ask?  Well, here's a promotional video teaching all you “dumb young fucks” how to open a real beer:

Of course, even to the most casual observer, this looks extremely similar to Miller Lite's latest gimmick, in which you “crack open your brew” with Very Manly Objects like wrenches, shark teeth, fishing lure, dice, and the reservoir tip of a filled condom:

Miller Lite's competing product aside, this new old product is going to fuck up the beer industry as we know it.  Just read this objective press release posted on TechCrunch about TechCrunch's investment in the product:

After a short beer tasting hosted by CrunchFund founder and former TechCrunch editor Michael Arrington, the obvious first question asked by Siegler, who is also an investor in the company through CrunchFund, was about why there is a beer company at Disrupt and why tech investors are interested in investing in a beer company. Churchkey, Siegler noted, had one of the best pitch decks he had ever seen. Investing in Churchkey, he said, was an easy choice because it has the potential to disrupt the beer industry with its new design.

So get ready, San Francisco.  You best be freeing up some room on your carabiner for some church keys.

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