It Maybe Might Rain And Here's a Kinda Not Really Story About It

Rain Won't Delay Dolores Park Construction, Says Examiner Story Warning of Rain Delay to Dolores Park Construction

With a bold headline declaring “El Niño winter could delay renovation of Dolores Park, other projects,” today’s San Francisco Examiner story about potentially heavy El Niño rains hitting the city warns that the onslaught of water could further delay already delayed construction projects—“including the renovation of Dolores Park.” And then, after spending ten paragraphs exploring this troubling possibility, in a feat of journalistic jiu jitsu the article drops the following bombshell dismissing the entire premise of the story:

However, should strong storms hit The City, Dolores Park may actually be among the least impacted projects because its construction will be nearly done by then, Chan said. The second half of the park is expected to reopen in early 2016, meaning much of the renovation will most likely be complete before winter.

So, in other words, there’s basically no chance that heavy rains will impact the Dolores Park construction because it will already be done by the rainy season. OK. Got it.

[Photo: Matthew Roth]

Mission Fires

Overnight Fire on Shotwell Street Damages Home for the Elderly

A two-alarm fire broke out last night on Shotwell Street between 20th and 21st, shutting down the surrounding block and destroying at least one building in the process.

Mission Local reports:

The fire burnt out the top floor of 628 Shotwell St., which is a residential care facility for the elderly, and damaged the exterior wall of 634 Shotwell St. next door, but no significant injuries were reported.

Fire Department Assistant Chief David Franklin said the fire started on the top floor of 628 Shotwell St. and that one resident of the building suffered from smoke inhalation. He said the fire is under investigation but that “the top floor is pretty well damaged.” […]

“At least” eight people would require placement from the Red Cross, he added, including the six elderly residents of the senior care facility.

San Francisco Fire Station 7 is located on the corner of 19th and Folsom—mere blocks from last night’s fire.  

[Photo: Jared Joiner]


The Dark Room Theater Farewell Show Is Tomorrow Night

The Dark Room Theater is closing. The wonderful (and tiny) Mission Street venue is throwing a farewell show this Saturday as a goodbye to the community of artists and audiences it served for the past twelve years.

From the event page:

[Saturday] at 8PM and 10PM we will be performing a staged reading of The Batman TV Show Parody. Please come and help us say goodbye to the Dark Room while having a good chuckle Dark Room style at Batman’s expense! Door sales only.

[Photo: Save Me, San Francisco]

Party Party Party Party

Armory Drill Court to Become 4,000 Person Venue

Everyone’s favorite porn palace, The Armory, just announced that they’re turning their huge drill court (pictured above) into a full-time event space. From the press release (emphasis added):

After nearly a million dollars in upgrades, San Francisco’s former National Guard Armory will launch as a full-time events space, The Armory, under the control of San Francisco nightlife luminary Audrey Joseph. […]

An earlier incarnation of the venue, The Armory Community Center, opened in 2013 and hosted book fairs, theater events, and several Pride and New Year’s parties. But the 40,000 square foot space still needed work if it was going to compete with more established venues. When Joseph took the helm at the beginning in 2015, she immediately began capital improvements to make it a world-class venue that could attract major event promoters.

Now, alongside its signature 80-foot domed ceiling, The Armory boasts heavily soundproofed walls and windows, brand new bathrooms, a coat check and floating hardwood flooring. The Armory holds up to 4,000 people, making it one of the biggest venues in the city. Boasts Joseph: “It has the best dance floor in San Francisco.” […]

“The space is ripe to tickle the imagination of any creative event planner and promoter,” says Joseph. “And the building itself, this incredible castle, evokes an almost erotic curiosity. It’s a destination space right in the heart of the city.”

According to the press release, the venue is in talks with LiveNation and Goldenvoice about booking “a more aggressive schedule.”

[Photo: The Armory]


The Elbo Room to Remain Open Until End of The Year

It seems the Elbo Room will not be closing this November after all. This is according to Aidin Vaziri, a music critic for the Chronicle, who says the venue will stay open until at least then end of the year. 

While it is definitely welcome news that the Elbo Room will be with us a little longer, there is little doubt that this is merely a temporary delay in the plans to raze the building to make room for condos as originally planned. 

[Photo: Stephanie GA]

Dolores Park Crackdown

Life In The New Dolores Park: We Spent an Hour Following Around a Park Ranger

Since the northern half of Dolores Park reopened this past June, the city has stepped up enforcement on minor quality-of-life issues under the guise of reducing littering in the park. And so, when we noticed a park ranger at Dolores this past Saturday, we thought it would be interesting to follow him around for a bit and see his enforcement priorities for ourselves.

After warning a group for the crime of having a table, the ranger took a moment to hassle these guys about their amplified sound (apparently they hadn’t gone to the trouble of getting their speaker personally OK’d by Supervisor Scott Wiener).

He then meandered over to this guy and told him that having glass in the park could land him a $192 fine.

And in what had to be the most bizarre interaction of the day, the ranger then approached a clown and his sidekick who were at first too busy painting the faces of children to notice the ranger’s arrival. The clown’s tiny speaker (playing children’s tunes) needed an amplified sound permit, apparently. It seems spreading joy to children has no place in The New Dolores Park ().

Having harshed the clown’s mellow, the ranger made sure this smoker knew he was sitting on dangerous ground. Smoking in Dolores is illegal, don’t you know?

Sipping wine quietly while you causally smoke a cigarette? That’s a double warning.

Standing around drinking a Trumer Pils? Don’t think so.

Oh yeah, and this table on the sidewalk has got to go.

It’s like no one saw the giant flashing road sign warning of $192 fines for having glass. This guy didn’t:

Nor did these ladies:

Nor this guy:

Nor these women:

And definitely not these women:

What’s that? You’re brown and smoking a cigarette?

Yeah that will cost you a ticket.

And again, no glass in the park.

Bros, seriously with the table? What were you thinking.

And the ranger practically chased this woman from the park for the crime of smoking a cigarette.

It’s important to remember that all of this occurred in the span of an hour and ten minutes, and by no means is the entirety of encounters between the ranger and parkgoers. Incidents not pictured include the ranger grilling a tourist for having sparkling water, and telling a twenty-something he couldn’t drink iced tea (the man looked totally dumbstruck for a second, and then gave the ranger the finger).

And while it’s upsetting that the city apparently now deems it an enforcement priority to have a ranger nanny-stating his way through the entire park, this is the obvious outcome of our elected officials repeatedly calling for increased policing in the park.

The park ranger’s actions this past Saturday left us wondering: is the real goal behind this crackdown curbing littering, or is there a larger desire to remake the park’s culture? Because if our representatives truly wanted to see increased police presence without stomping on park culture, then they could have worked to repeal the laws that criminalize that culture. Instead, they ensured the park was hit with more of the same broken windows policing that has failed to keep the park clean for years.

Dolores Park Crackdown

Now In Dolores Park: Flashing Highway Sign Warning of Steep Fines for Glass Bottles

The latest move by city officials to reign in the free-spirited place that is Dolores Park was unveiled earlier today. A tipster sent Uptown Almanac the following photo and explanation this morning:

Saw this sign from the back and thought it was going to say “Pack yer trash, bitches” but instead it’s this. Hard to read since I don’t know how to iPhone, but it flashes between “NO GLASS” and “FINE $192”. Better warn the troops to opt for the Tecate Tallboy Triple Pack over the High Life 40oz.

That’s right, according to a giant flashing sign, you will now be ticketed $192 for having a glass bottle in the park.

Update August 17th, 10:38pm: You can see video of the sign in action here.

[Photo: Tipster]

Street Art

Trump Has His Eyes on The Mission

Having successfully taken the piñata world by storm, we should have known the Trump-mania wouldn’t stop there. And indeed, it seems some tortured artistic soul going by Renneker has decided that what the Mission needed was a little more Trump. The imposing chalk piece, which sits on east side of Florida Street between 22nd and 23rd, allows the casual pedestrian a chance to stare into the eyes (and step on the face) of the Republican presidential candidate.

The entire piece is a thing to behold, and attributes the following quote to Trump:

I’m building a fence at the border with adjustable holes that only allows in illegals as I need them.