This dream could be yours for $3,000 OBO!

Rental prices are going up.  Way up.  And with historically low vacancy rates and new millionaires moving into town, it's a landlord's market.  Take this new development in the world of renting apartments: having to bid upwards of $3k/month for an apartment on Valencia and Duboce.  Check it:

$3000/mo. 1 bd in Mission — ridiculous? Yes. Make offer, let's talk.

Ridiculous rent for a 600 sq ft one bedroom apartment in the Mission?

Even if you can have your pet?
Even if it has lots of natural light, a small working fireplace, claw foot tub, somewhat upgraded eat-in kitchen, including new fridge?

And here is the real deal: WALKING COMMUTE TO CIVIC CENTER AND MID MARKET!

Sounds like a good deal!  What do I need to do to get such a posh pad?

MAKE A BID BY RESPONDING TO THIS EMAIL:

(Your bid will of course be subject to your seeing the apartment).

Your bid should include the following (required):
-monthly rent you are willing to pay (water & garbage paid by owners),
-plus agreement to lease for minimum one year,
-plus your employer name with phone number to verify, and
-last 2 landlords with phone numbers, &
-how many people and pets will reside in the apt, &
-your phone number (we will only respond by phone, not email).
Not required but appropriate:
-info about your pet(s),
-plus info about you — your elevator pitch resume —
-and, if you wish,
—————offer of a signing bonus.
We will see who responds, evaluate the offers, then set up opportunity for top bidders to view the apartment some time between bid close and following week.

Alright, well for that kind of money and effort, what kind of palace are we looking at?

Looks great!  Where do I sign?

Oh, and one more thing:

Thanks for your interest in living in San Francisco's most awesome neighborhood.

Life is hard.  Black?  Blue?  Green?  What bin does your rage go into?

Fuck all that.  Just knock over the trash cans and go about your day.  In other words, “this is how we do out here, dude.”

[Vid by SATAN'S WEINER]

As we mentioned last week, a skeeball machine was spotted hanging out outside of Rhea's during Sunday Streets.  And this made us freak out.  Why?  Because we love skeeball, damnit, and we aren't particularly down with biking out to the Richmond to play.

Well, the machine's owner, noted skeeball champ Joey the Cat, has found a permanent home for it right in Dr. Teeth's backyard and they're celebrating its arrival with a cancer research fundraiser TONIGHT before Broke-Ass Stuart's party.  Joey fills us in:

Our dreams have come true and I found a home for the skeeball machine: Dr. Teeth. To kick off the machine being placed in the newly renovated backyard AND raise money for blood cancer research (who's not doing that right now?!), I'm hosting a Charity Skeeball Tournament with a bunch of prizes and fun.

Here are the details:
6PM registration / 7PM Tourney Starts / 9PM Trophy Ceremony
Prizes: Sol Republic Headphones (value: $99) - $25 Gift Card to Mission Bicycle - 3 Sony Dashes - One Free Skeeson of Brewskee-ball -  Other Goodies

The tourney is free to enter, but they'll be charging $1 per game (all of which is donated to blood cancer research, of course).  Also, THERE'S SKEEBALL IN THE MISSION NOW.

[Thanks, Joey!]

Dude.  dddduuuuddddeeeeee…… u lookin at this thing? It's like a metaphor for the Obamanati endorsing gay marriage. Right? Like, when he finishes suckin' down that jammer, wings will bust outta his fascist lil' cocoon and fly to the Middle East and end our imperialist wars for Israel.

Wait. Whoa. I think I might be wrong.  Like.  What's up with that Indian feather thing?  Is this a hungover hipster burrito?  Fuck dude, how'd it get that joint in its mouth when it has no arms? fuuuuccckkk are armless man-burritos comin' at our crops? Where's our pit bulls at dude?

im so high. i think im hungry for pizza

namaste.

[Thanks, WBTC!]