Mission District

37 People Displaced Following Massive Fire on Valencia and Duboce

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

If things couldn't get any worse for Valencia Street residents and merchants this month, a 4-alarm fire tore through a building at the corner of Valencia and Duboce (kitty-cornered from Zeitgeist) this morning.  Mission Local reports:

Five people were injured and at least 37 others displaced when a four-alarm fire scorched two buildings at the corner of Valencia Street and Duboce Avenue.

The number of displaced residents could increase, the AP reports.

Four firefighters and one resident were injured. None of the injuries were life-threatening, and all were taken to San Francisco General Hospital. Two of the firefighters were injured when a staircase collapsed. [Read on]

[Pic via Reddit]

Celebrate Cinco de Mayo by Seeing Some Stand-Up Comedy

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Host Chris Thayer delivers the pitch:

What better way to celebrate Cinco de Mayo than to completely ignore it by attending a makeshift comedy show at a used clothing store?

Other than dialing up a mariachi band from a glorified cab company and/or going to Chevys (p.s. - I love Chevys), I can't think of anything that could possibly top this.  8pm at Afterlife Boutique, people.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Wells Fargo Donating $25k to Help the Businesses 'Vandalized by the 99%'

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Following all the damage done to some 30 Valencia Street businesses on the May Day Riots, Wells Fargo (a bank known for foreclosing homes of San Francisco residents) is donating $25k to aid the businesses vandalized in said riot.  SF Weekly reports:

Tired of being the 99 percent's enemy, Wells Fargo released the money along with this statement from Michael F. Billeci, president of Wells Fargo's San Francisco Bay Region:

“As San Francisco's hometown bank, Wells Fargo is passionate about supporting the communities where we live and work, and it's important to help our local merchants make the repairs they need to reopen for business and serve their customers again. Helping small businesses right here in the Mission is a win for everyone in the community.”

No matter how angry they are personally with Wells Fargo, merchants were pleased with the bank professionally. In fact, some merchants went as far as to call the big bank “caring,” and “generous.”

“Many small businesses in the Valencia Corridor don't have the cash reserves to handle unexpected expenses like vandalism,” said Deena Davenport, president of the Valencia Corridor Merchants Association.  “Wells Fargo's generosity will provide timely access to capital to help our merchants open for business again.”

Good on Wells Fargo for helping out, but the fact they're injecting politics and public relations into a community issue is a tad unsettling, if not disingenuous.

[Pic by Justin Beck]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

The City of San Francisco Piles Onto Weston Wear's Woes

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Weston Wear isn't just going to be closed down for a week following the May Day Riots.  No, The City felt it necessary to deliver one last “fuck you” to a business ransacked by savages by citing them for graffiti on their boarded up windows:

Way to support local business, dude.

UPDATE: CIty Hall gained a conscious and backed down.

[Twitter | Thanks to everyone who sent this in!]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Dear Mom, I Hate You

— By Sam Bartos |

Since the Mission District was established by urban explorer Straüs VanMission Sløot in 1989, no bar within the jurisdiction of its confines has inspired such polarizing opinions from people as Dear Mom. Built from the ashes of El Rincon, the mere mention of Dear Mom elicits such a dichotomous emotional response that it threatens to tear the native Caucasian community of the Mission District apart. 

If you've been there before, you left with one of two statements rolling off of your tongue: “Hey man. I found this really cool bar. You should come out, I'm having all of my birthdays there forever.” Or “Yo, fuck this place. Get my Segway. I'm going back to NOPA.”

At the end of the day, all we have are facts. And here are the undisputed pros and cons of Dear Mom, which are all very real and none of which based on conjecture. 

Pros:

  • Ample standing 
  • The Bar is co-owned and managed by Neil Diamond's son Brad Diamond
  • Interior lit exclusively with artisan lightbulbs hand-crafted by estranged Latvian light-psychics
  • Over 4 different kinds of canned beers
  • Sports attractions such as football, pool and flannel olympics
  • The bar is made of cocaine-mâché 

Cons:

  • The staff make fun of you if you order a drink
  • Brad Diamond will throw you out if you joke that he's “Your Friend in the Diamond Business”
  • Getting stabbed on Folsom as you walk home
  • No designated coke room (handicapped bathroom)
  • Every record in the jukebox is the new Beach House record
  • The bar is exclusively populated by shitheads

These are the facts as they stand. But seeing as nightlife is a wild, frenzied, subjective medium, it's left to you to decide. You, the plumbers, the joe twelve-packs, and the freelance art directors that give the Mission its gritty, working class spirit. What do you think about Dear Mom?

[Photo via The Bold Italic]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Uber to Dispatch Squad of Mexicans to Your Start-Up in Borderline Vulgar Cinco de Mayo Stunt

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Remember Uber? That awful Town Car cab 'start-up' that charges you $50 so you can pretend to be Larry Ellison on the way to brunch? The ones that did the stomach-churning “Hipster Thursday!” promotion?  Well shit just got real:

THIS IS WHY PEOPLE ARE SMASHING GENTRIFIED STORE FRONTS ON VALENCIA.

Sorry, give me a moment to calm down.

…

Okay.

So, Uber's team of marketing eyerolls dreamed up the brilliant idea of shuttling around an “instant fiesta” in “three SUVs” (why not Ford Fiestas?) on May 4th for the low-low price of $100.  Oh yes.  For the cost of two ostentatious joyrides, Uber will delight crowds of dreamy Zynga employees with one mariachi song…whicchh strikes me as just a tad tasteless.  There's a line Mission 'transplants' dare not cross, and they're crossing it.  Sure, it's one thing to evict the Latino community and take their homes, but overtly exploiting them for a marketing lulz?  That's just poor form.

Anyway, have you guys seen my post about Edward Burritohands?

(But seriously, am I justified feeling sick about this, or am I just suffering from a nasty bout of San Franciscan white dumbie political correctness?  I mean, they're getting paid, right?)

[via SFist]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Pages