Mission District

Improv Comedy Comes to the Mission, SF Improv Scene Upgraded To Alive

— By Jon Skulski |

Starting this Thursday, the kids over at Endgames Improv are moving to the Mission.

Every week, we've got six opportunities to spend zero to ten dollars and laugh our little heads off. The shows are at Stage Werx Theatre, between 15th and 16th on Valencia. If you've got an itch, they also have some very fine classes starting at the end of the month. I think it's all very hella neat and I'm giddy as hell.

Full disclosure: I like these people and I'm taking classes there and I think they do very fine work that is on the level of NYC or Chicago and I also think you should come out to see these shows. So here's the schedule:

Thursdays:

  • 7:30 ($5) - Harold Night
  • 9:00 ($10) - The Showcase
  • 10:30 ($1) - The Improv Jam

Fridays:

  • 7:30 ($5) - Free Range Fridays
  • 9:00 ($10) - Confessions
  • 10:30 ($0) - F!#&ing Free Fridays

Murdered Owl in a Mason Jar

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I'm not sure how this owl done did someone wrong, but he's stashed in a mason jar outside of Z-Space with tears running down his face, a bunch of arrows piercing his body, and some pills scattered about to make it look like a suicide.

[Photo by Soundwaves]

A Look at Craftsman & Wolves

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Proving that a food's instagrammability is more important than taste, 7x7 is GUSHING about Valencia's latest bakery with a “designer's eye”, Craftsman & Wolves:

The stylish brainchild of pastry chef William Werner, the bakery is the first project from Outfit Generic, his boutique hospitality group that includes graphic designer Josh Chen. Styled more like an atelier, the space juxtaposes a palette of blacks and grays with clean lines against brick walls. One glance at the pastry case—that looks straight out of Gucci—and ordering five items is justifiable. Will it be the savory pain au cochon (with prosciutto layered inside) or a chocolate brownie loaded with salted caramel? There are also deeply flavorful croissants, inspired éclairs, white shoyu (soy sauce) caramels, and savory bites like salmon rillettes and sandwiches.

I've wondered about this place, 7x7 was a little light on reviewing the actual food (which they describes as “flavorful” and “a sweet substitute for buying jewelry”).  So I reached out to a couple of friends who've stepped foot in the Gucci-ish basic bitches bakery:

  • “It was really good.  And very pretty… in like a cold, exposed industrial kinda way.”
  • “The sandwich I had was good, and they have a veggie and meat option daily, but it was pretty expensive.  I guess I might go back there sometime.”
  • “Dude, fuck 7x7. They've got an EGG INMUFFIN. That's right, an egg INSIDE a muffin.  Fuck everything else, it's the shit.”

There you have it! Egg InMuffin! Fuck everything else!

[7x7 | Photo by Athlex]

Critical Mass Opens Up A Pop-Up "Welcome Center" at 16th and Valencia

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Since Critical Mass is having their big 20th anniversary ride on Friday, the leaderless, spontaneous, semi-anarchist group ride opened up a pop-up “Welcome Center” along Valencia earlier this week.  Their hours are somewhat limited (12-5), and it closes down Friday afternoon, so they aren't really going for people with jobs to check the place out.  But, from the looks of it, they're selling a bunch of Critical Mass-related merch and hosting daily group rides and meet-ups from the space.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Pig & Pie Say Goodbye

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

A packed house.

I've never seen more than a couple people in there at once, and the one time I walked in, I took a look at the menu and said, “This looks good.”  Then I looked at the prices and said, “Let's go to Rosamunde.”  So it's no surprise that Pig & Pie's chefs packed up their pie tins and bailed, despite being open less than three months.

Eater SF has the scoop:

Now three months in, chef Nate Overstreet has left he building along with his “ladyfriend,” chief pie maker Ashly Amador. Owner Miles Pickering writes with an update on the status quo:

“We are looking for a replacement but his leaving was pretty sudden so we're still in the process. I'll cite irreconcilable differences for the separation, the chemistry was bad. As I'm sure you know, opening a restaurant is a stressful process and it seldom goes exactly as planned. This is a bump in the road and we'll get over it, refocused and better for the experience.”

To be clear, the restaurant hasn't closed up yet or anything.  But last month, we had a couple of nice Christians tell God he could “have Pig & Pie back” because, really, we weren't using it.  I guess this means he's working his miracles?

[Eater | Photo]

Dog Eared Books Turns 20!

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

If you're not already hip to these guys, they're one of Valencia Street's finest shops selling these things called books, which are basically newspapers that are actually interesting and can maybe teach you something.  Real vintage shit.

Anyway, 20 years is a long time to sell anything, especially something that doesn't award you badges or involve disgruntled avian guerrilla warriors.  So they're celebrating this Wednesday with booze and music and discounts on every book in the place.  If you're not totally sure what to buy, the shelves are lined with quality staff recommendations that can get you started.  Don't get any of the thick ones because it's premiere season on TV and you're going to want something you finish fast.

Happy 20th, Dog Eared!

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Rite Spot Cafe: Reopened, But Not Remodeled

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

As we first learned last fall, the Health Department decided they were sick of the roachs and rats that had become regulars at The Rite Spot and shut the place down.  Despite being closed for 9 months, leading some of us to doubt it would ever return, the bar quietly reopened Tuesday night.

Fortunately for us, the bar hasn't changed much at all: there is still a piano player filling the place with tunes, the drinks are just as cheap as they ever were, the food is still reasonably priced and of unexpectedly decent quality, fries continue to be served in red plastic trays lined with fancy doilies, and the space itself looks completely the same.  Even their Funny Shits comedy night is returning on Sunday.  The only real noticable difference were the floors were no longer moving and the bathrooms are completely redone.

It nice, as always.  Do check 'em out.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

What I Learned at The Armory Club's Opening Night Party

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I somehow managed to get into The Armory Club's exclusive opening night party this past weekend (read: I showed up at the door and asked if I could come in) and got to check out first hand what they're up to.  First of all, Kink.com spared no expense in making the place look like Rickhouse.  They took a beer bar that basically amounted to a dude's garage with a pool table and turned it into a glowing oasis that tricks you into paying $9 for a cocktail and putting on pants that aren't cut off at the knees.  I mean, just look at their stunning new ceiling:

See?  Fancy.  Also, their bathrooms are clean and their cocktail menu is made out of metal and could easily be used to bludgeon various small animals to death.  But, moving on…

I don't know a lot about cocktails, nor do I ever really go to cocktail bars.  Needless to say, I'm not completely clued into foodie mixology trends.  So when they served me a drink with three ice cubes that happened to be the size of SpongeBob's grotesquely inflamed testicles, I was fucking outraged.  Only three ice cubes?  What the fuck is this shit?  I paid nine dollars for this goddamn thing, I expected to get my money's worth.

As I angrily signed up for a Yelp account, the man sitting to my right put his hand in his date's face and turned to me:

Bad Date: Not to interrupt, but big ice cubes are really “in” right now.

Me: What?

Bad Date: Yeah, bigger ice cubes are a sign of elegance.  There was more thought put into these ice cubes.

Me: I think I want my money back.

Bad Date: See, the thinking is one larger ice cube will melt slower than a few smaller ice cubes because there is less surface area in relation to volume.  You know, thus not watering down your cocktail as quickly.

Me: Oh.  Yeah, melting ice cubes isn't a problem for me.

Bad Date: Why?

Me: Never mind.  I need another drink.

Bad Date: But square ice cubes are on their way out, the real hotness right now is ice balls.

Me: Jesus.

Bad Date: Yeah, a real classy place has a heated metal device that costs around $300 and melts a giant ice cube into a circular ice ball.  See, that way there is even less surface area than an ice cube because there are no edges.  They'll just plop one giant ball in your class.

Me: Makes sense.

Bad Date: The whole thing is stupid anyway, because if the ice cube theoretically melted slower, it wouldn't be keeping your drink cool.  In reality, they melt all the same, it's just that the bigger cubes last longer.

We went on chatting about cocktail culture for a few minutes before I reminded him he came to the bar with someone and our conversation came to an end.  But, yeah, look out for giant ice balls in the Mission!

(Oh, and here's a bonus picture of a piece of artwork on The Armory Club's wall:)

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

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