Parks.  Man, they grow up so fast these days.  It feels like just yesterday that young Dolores could drink from when the fog burned off until it rolled back in.  But not anymore.  Oh no.  Now her metabolism has slowed down and she has to exercise to maintain her sleek 96-year-old body.

First it was yoga in the park, a convenient way to be social and stay buff without having to spend money on a studio and icky stuff like that.  More money for cold beer and maybe cold water, amirite?

But yoga wasn't quite cutting it.  We got rid of the weed dude so we'd stop eating three dinners a day, but the pounds we still piling up.  So here comes Critical Ass, a spandex-inspired dance class on Sundays throughout our summer.  It even includes Doritos:

It's not entirely clear when this sweaty 80s-inspired shitshow starts, but it's either this or next Sunday at 3pm.

How about this new video from The Fresh & Onlys?  I'm not going to go so far as to say this is the best video produced for an SF group this year (because that title obviously belongs to Toast), but the video for “Presence of Mind” features an old dude behind the wheel of a bus flying through space n' stuff, reanimating dogs, and stopping the zombie apocalypse.  I mean, it combines the wonder of Back to the Future with George Romero and real life Muni experiences (that is, someone holding a dead animal and a methy dude throwing up a geyser of blood)—this is some choice youtube.

Anyway, if you're looking for more, the group's new album Long Slow Dance is out next Tuesday and they'll be performing at The Independent Saturday the 8th.

[via Amoeba]

You all know Robot Dance Party—the hulking silver robot that wonders into Dolores Park, blasting some ancient Cake track you forgot existed.  Well, the robot, who's apparently a guy in a costume or something, is looking to make some upgrades, including a lighting system, a tablet for people to select songs, and karaoke machine.

To pull it off, it's going to cost the robot $1,500—a lot of money for a robot with no job prospects, unless he has some holes we don't know about.  So it's turning to Kickstarter to raise the money.

Now, we typically don't encourage people to donate to Kickstarters because they're usually for wolf shirts and whatever, but we struggle to think of a better cause than being able to terrorize a playground full of children with a sick rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody while a Robot bounces by your side.  So do consider donating.

[Photo by Julie O Test]

I couldn't believe it: just hours ago, I was standing outside of Taqueria Cancun getting dancing tips from some wobbly crackheads when all the sudden water started bubbling up out of the concrete.  It sputtered and stank, as if it had been guzzling Pabst and Royal Gate Vodka all night and pissed itself in a moment of pure fuckititude.

Anyway, further proof that our government is full of communists trying to take our jobs.