Downtown

WIth rumors of an epic showdown between Occupiers and SFPD circulating all day, the mood was undeniably tense at Justin Herman Plaza this evening.

At least a hundred people dedicated themselves to be arrested by SFPD, should they invade the camp, in an effort to protect the vital services that have been established over the weeks.  The medical tent found itself insulated by two waves of linked protesters while lines of linked Occupiers ran anti-dispersal drills nearby.

While the police never showed, the occasional fits of collective calm that would come over the camp rapidly morphed the relatively festive stratosphere into an anxious, eery gloom.  Resigned to being arrested, dedicated protesters would exhibit a zen-like calm between being educated in their rights and yelling "WE LOVE YOU" to any police officers who could possibly hear them.  Medical volunteers would tend to the front-lines, making sure everyone was prepared for the inevitable barrage of tear gas and beatings.  The National Lawyers Guild ensured everybody, regardless if they planned on getting arrested, had a lawyer's number Sharpied to their arms.

Then the brass band would kick it up again, and everyone seemed to forget, even if only temporarily, that six buses were filling up with SFPD's goons a little over a mile away.

(Sidenote: I'm not completely sure what this sign means, but I think it is subliminal messaging telling me to go eat an entire bag of chocolate-covered pretzels from Whole Foods.)

Anyway, enough with serious matters...

When it comes to media, this bum has the game figured out: he runs around the camp holding up an iPad that streams video and pushes around a shopping cart filled with batteries connected to WiFi equipment.  I think I saw a couple of empty beer cans in there.  But I digress.

If you've been watching the livestream of The Occupation, this intrepid lunatic and his pimped-out Safeway cart is to thank.

Elsewhere, this reporter from Telemundo had to stand a fucking box to report the news.

As it became evident that SFPD wasn't going to bloody up the unemployed, uninsured, and homeless, the scene began to focus on the politicians (who, to their credit, seemed to do a bang-up job of putting pressure on Mayor Ed Lee to not use Oakland-style Gestapo tactics to clean out the porta potties/acting as a human shield).  So Supervisors David Campos, Jane Kim, John Avalos, and Eric Mar posed for every journalist, photographer, blogger, and mediocre camera phone that wanted to documentent the spectacle.

And while the media was busy taking snaps of political quartet, they missed the real story: John Avalos smearing a partially-eaten Subway sandwich all over the back of Eric Mar.

(There's a better joke in there involving betrayal, Julius Caesar, and a controversial dry cleaning bill, but I'm too exhausted to think of it right now.)

Because city politics is basically a used car salesman's version of the high school cafeteria, the progressive clique didn't seem particularly keen on letting Senator Leland Yee and his hipster henchmen hang out with them (not that it slowed him down).

Speaking of politics, the lines to squeeze out a shit were hella gnarly.

Finally, I took a photo of this Angry Bird, should she be disappeared by the cops.

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• OccupySF Takes Over Dolores Park

This three-wheeled party-capturing, soul-stealing beast is a product of Burning Man, which means you'll instinctively hate it and the acid-fueled Lex Luthor who birthed it, but you really shouldn't.  It bombs around the Bay Area, parking itself outside of parties, festivals, popular parks, and open-air gnargle urinals, dishing out free photobooth action that we all know and love.  And just look at some of the results:

Photoboof!

The Snitch reports:

​The hefty cop with the handlebar mustache had a problem with a handlebar of a different sort. "Look," he yelled at the despondent fixie-riding hipster he'd just flagged down, "do you have brakes on this thing or not?"

This didn't happen just once. At least one rider tried to explain that, like Fred Flintstone, his legs served as brakes. That answer didn't cut it.

Cyclists traversing Market Street this week have noticed an uptick of riders being flagged down and cited for rolling through red lights or stop signs -- or, as in the case above, not having handlebar-mounted brakes. Apparently cyclists don't read San Francisco Police Department press releases -- as, on Aug. 5, the cops were kind enough to announce they'd be doing this throughout the week.

The story goes on suggest blame the recent ticketing stings falls on bicyclists themselves, claiming that recently accidents in SOMA has forced SFPD's hands.  And while the checkpoint of sorts at 5th and Market will be winding down soon, SFPD suggests they'll keep up enforcement.

Idaho's laws sure are looking nice these days....

[SF Weekly | Photo by rmcnicholas]

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• SFPD Cracking Down on Cyclists in Lower Haight

We all know that photographing bike thieves is nothing new.  The Mission has unmasked Bobby the Bike Thief (who's rumored to have moved to the hilltop oasis of Bernal Heights), mid-Market has its share of crack fiend and pony-tailed thieves, and this stunning beauty was recently exposed by local photographer Adumb Egan.  While SFPD might never make bike thieft a priority, it's always rad to hear about people watching out for these guys and getting people their stolen property back, as Austin Kamps was recently able to do:

Ran into this guy today. I watched him creep around Montgomery street for a while from a distance, until he found “his” bike.

He finds a bike and then pretends to talk on the phone for a few minutes, then takes his tool out and hides it behind his phone while he unscrews and yanks the seat/post. This happened about a block away. After he did that, I followed him a bit and snuck up to him/scared the shit out of him and ripped it from his hands as he was trying to put it in his bag, then i gave him a “nudge” into the street with my foot. We went back and forth for a bit then he ran off. I ended up getting it back to the owner when he came out a few minutes later.  Saddest part was that there were 4 people around him watching him do it, they knew what was happening, they did nothing. If you see something bad happening do something, put your life on hold for a second and help out if you’re able. Don’t let creeps like this ruin someones day.

Word.

[Skinny Fists | photo by Adumb Egan]

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• Bobby the Bike Thief and His Truck
• "Mob of Folks" Go After Bobby the Bike Thief