Downtown

There's a 6 Hour Line at UNIQLO Right Now

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

A hurricane of San Franciscan stereotypes made landfall on Union Square earlier this morning as our Asian fetish and love for standing in lines mixed with a Rainbow staircase and cool winds over the Pacific.  Unfortunately, people in the back of the line won't be greeted with a new iPhone or even some braised lamb cheek from Mission Chinese, but instead with cheap colorful cashmere sweaters that'll likely fall apart by nightfall.

Update: My friend working in the area went back around 4:15pm and said the wait is down to 45 minutes to an hour (which leads us to wonder if the 6 hour figure he was ballparked earlier was, ahem, slightly exaggerated).

[Photo by megnakamura]

Pi in the Sky

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

As the downtown lunch crowd most certainly noticed earlier today, a few planes were circling overhead writing some gibberish in the sky.  I assumed it was some iPhone 5 promotion gone awry, or at least a marriage proposal to a sex robot, but it turns out it's “Pi in the Sky”.  7x7 fills us in:

Midday Wednesday, a team of synchronized skywriters will encircle the Bay Area’s airspace with what, to most viewers, will appear a random string of rapidly fading digits. A select few, however, will recognize it as pi: 3.14159, and so forth a thousand places.

Artist ISHKY devised Pi in the Sky for the Zero1 Biennial, which kicks off today in San Jose. Titled “Seeking Silicon Valley,” the biennial includes a centralized exhibition as well as various public art projects that aim to bring the elusive nature of the valley into focus.

Cool!  Buttt it probably would have been radder if they wrote out “5318008” over and over again.

[Photo by WBTC]

Epic Blaze at Pier 29

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Local messenger Storts is out taking photos of a raging three-alarm blaze at Pier 29, site of the upcoming America's Cup.  Details are not readily available, but SFgate has a little on it:

The fire broke out shortly before 2 p.m. It has affected Muni service in the area, with the F Line historic streetcars being turned around at the Ferry Building.

The pier is part of an area being reconstructed to host next year's America's Cup yacht race. The building is believed to be unoccupied, and no injuries have been reported.

Zynga Hazes New Hires With Public Humiliation

— By Alissa |

Zynga is totally the worst, right? Looks like it wasn't enough for them to pollute our minds, iPhones and Facebook feeds with their insipid computer games. Now they've asked their poor employees to pollute our streets with bad acting and stage makeup to promote some game called Zombie Swipeout. I dunno. They sent us a press release about it. I'll be sure to tell my aunt, since I'm pretty sure she already beat Mafia Wars and Lady Gagaville.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

What Would You Do to Save The Lusty Lady?

— By Erika Kali |

We heard through the grapevine this morning that the famed Lusty Lady is in distress — their head Madam has quit, as have their entire Board of Directors, leaving them with no real direction or financial aid. Sandy Bottoms, a former member of the board/dancer, blogs about the situation going down:

Over the past few weeks a giant schism has formed within the cooperative regarding the future of our historic and beloved business, which is resulting in a wave of workers, including myself, walking away. I want it to be known that the Lusties leaving the Lady are NOT walking away from it's rich memory of camaraderie and perseverance during cooperization or landmark status of being the only unionized sex work business' within the United States, but simply from a disintegrating system and hostile working environment within a failing business model.

Sources close to the Lusty Lady and their cadre of Lusties say that to stay alive, they need not only some investments (ahem, $$$), but also some legitimate marketing and some new talent. So if you have some loose cash lying around, are good with Adobe Illustrator or hate your job and have always dreamed of getting naked and shaking your booty, please contact them via Facebook, and do what you can to save this one of a kind San Francisco establishment!

**UPDATE** You can donate directly to the Ladies of Lust HERE to help them with their cause.

Photo via Thomas Hawk

[Thanks, Joshua!]

SFPD Running a Sting on Cyclists Running Red Lights on Market

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Just a heads up: there were a few cops on motorcycles needlessly slowing down people's commutes at Market and Turk earlier this morning and, as much as it pains me to say this, it seems as though people were deserving of whatever shit came their way: I watched a half dozen people casually cruise right past a pair of parked cops and through a red light. Of course, one of The Keepers of The Peace immediate hit his siren and pulled one of the riders over.

The particular incident I witnessed ended without a citation—the rider used the classic “I was just following everyone else” excuse and cop let her loose—but he was sure to pull up to the growing pack of riders at the next light and tell 'em what's up:

5-0: Everyone here knows it's illegal for cyclists to ride through a red light, right?  You have to obey the same rules as automobiles.

Me: Hey, I stopped at the light.

5-0: I know, but I want to make sure everyone here knows that car drivers pay a $450 fine for running a red.  Cyclists pay half of that.

*All the other riders just keep looking forward and keep their mouths shut*

Me: Are you guys cracking down like you did back in August?

5-0: … I'm just out here looking out for your safety.

Uh huh. Sure.

Even though cops were just issuing warnings today, it's worth noting that they haven't been so kind in the past, so keep your eyes open this week…

UPDATE: According to The Wigg Party, SFPD is cracking down on cyclists not coming to a complete stop at stop signs in The Wiggle over the next 6 weeks.  As Morgan said, “this is outrageous and it will not stand.”

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

The OccupySF Raid That Never Was

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

WIth rumors of an epic showdown between Occupiers and SFPD circulating all day, the mood was undeniably tense at Justin Herman Plaza this evening.

At least a hundred people dedicated themselves to be arrested by SFPD, should they invade the camp, in an effort to protect the vital services that have been established over the weeks.  The medical tent found itself insulated by two waves of linked protesters while lines of linked Occupiers ran anti-dispersal drills nearby.

While the police never showed, the occasional fits of collective calm that would come over the camp rapidly morphed the relatively festive stratosphere into an anxious, eery gloom.  Resigned to being arrested, dedicated protesters would exhibit a zen-like calm between being educated in their rights and yelling “WE LOVE YOU” to any police officers who could possibly hear them.  Medical volunteers would tend to the front-lines, making sure everyone was prepared for the inevitable barrage of tear gas and beatings.  The National Lawyers Guild ensured everybody, regardless if they planned on getting arrested, had a lawyer's number Sharpied to their arms.

Then the brass band would kick it up again, and everyone seemed to forget, even if only temporarily, that six buses were filling up with SFPD's goons a little over a mile away.

(Sidenote: I'm not completely sure what this sign means, but I think it is subliminal messaging telling me to go eat an entire bag of chocolate-covered pretzels from Whole Foods.)

Anyway, enough with serious matters…

When it comes to media, this bum has the game figured out: he runs around the camp holding up an iPad that streams video and pushes around a shopping cart filled with batteries connected to WiFi equipment.  I think I saw a couple of empty beer cans in there.  But I digress.

If you've been watching the livestream of The Occupation, this intrepid lunatic and his pimped-out Safeway cart is to thank.

Elsewhere, this reporter from Telemundo had to stand a fucking box to report the news.

As it became evident that SFPD wasn't going to bloody up the unemployed, uninsured, and homeless, the scene began to focus on the politicians (who, to their credit, seemed to do a bang-up job of putting pressure on Mayor Ed Lee to not use Oakland-style Gestapo tactics to clean out the porta potties/acting as a human shield).  So Supervisors David Campos, Jane Kim, John Avalos, and Eric Mar posed for every journalist, photographer, blogger, and mediocre camera phone that wanted to documentent the spectacle.

And while the media was busy taking snaps of political quartet, they missed the real story: John Avalos smearing a partially-eaten Subway sandwich all over the back of Eric Mar.

(There's a better joke in there involving betrayal, Julius Caesar, and a controversial dry cleaning bill, but I'm too exhausted to think of it right now.)

Because city politics is basically a used car salesman's version of the high school cafeteria, the progressive clique didn't seem particularly keen on letting Senator Leland Yee and his hipster henchmen hang out with them (not that it slowed him down).

Speaking of politics, the lines to squeeze out a shit were hella gnarly.

Finally, I took a photo of this Angry Bird, should she be disappeared by the cops.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

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