Dolores Park

Aggro Football Players Pummel Picnickers in Dolores Park

Scoring a point for the perception of football players, it seems as though a rather one-sided fight broke out on Tallboy Terrace yesterday around 6pm when some people asked a group of terrible players to move along, according to a thread on Reddit:

So, I was in Dolores Park today, and I was sitting on the north side, near the center, beneath the trees. I was with six other people, three girls, three guys.

Some guys had been throwing a football around all day, but they were throwing it right by us and they kept hitting us with their football. We'd asked them to move but they just waved us off. Eventually, when one of us got hit with the football again, we told them we'd only give it back if they promised to move down to the field so they wouldn't be hitting us (and everybody near us) every time they missed a catch. They didn't respond to this, they just started wailing on me (I was holding the football when they started). Two of the guys I was with got up and started fighting back, but we were no match for these guys. I was hunched over and they were kicking and punching me on the ground.

About 5 minutes after they left, the cops showed up, took my statement, all that, but they just left.

The victim got a black eye and a bloody nose and claims the attackers were a couple of buff dudes in flat-brimmed hats.

Ranch Dressing Commercial Demonstrates Need to Leash Dogs in Dolores Park

Some commercial documenting the petty feud between ketchup and ranch dressing concludes itself with a harsh view into the four-legged chaos running savagely through Dolores Park.  How much longer are we going to let this stand?  It's only a matter of time before some adorable little hellhound bites into my bottle of Frank's and we're all doomed.

[h/t Mission Mission]

New Trend in Street Food: Serving Bánh Mì From a Hotel Maid Cart

I can't lie; I've never seen a certifiable Sketchy Motherfucker serving $3 sandwiches from a device used to haul around trash and “fluid”-stained sheets that I've been so inclined to trust with my nourishment and long-term health.  I mean, he really seems like he understands the whole essence of street food, no?

(Also, he's offering up five dollar non-Freudian psychotherapy sessions right from the grill, should you be feeling a little down while waiting to eat.)

Mayor Ed Lee to Get Tough on Dolores Park Hooligans

Our democratically-appointed executive mustache has had enough of the vandalism of late in Dolores Park's new playground, and he's not taking it anymore.  According to Mission Local, Mayor Lee outlined plan to combat vandalism in Dolores Park at yesterday's Board of Supervisors meeting:

  • The Parks and Recreation Department is working with food vendors and bicycle rental companies to offer “happy park uses.”
  • The San Francisco Police Department will hire nine park patrol officers (citywide.)
  • The police chief will tell his officers to enforce property crimes.
  • Once arrested, [the DA] will work to prosecute these criminals to the full extent of the law,” Lee said.
  • Work with judges who dismiss vandalism cases and educate them on the importance of prosecution. “I see far too many [cases] dismissed,” he said.
  • A graffiti specialist is currently developing leads to apprehend the vandals.

This sounds very similar to SFPD's plan to curb the so-called “out of control” behavior in Dolores, so draw whatever conclusions you will about this new anti-vandalism drumbeat.

[Photo by Mysteriosio]

Dancing Robot Has Better Dolores Park DJ Judgment Than Most Humans

When I first saw this Beat Robot, I feared he'd be yet another burnout blasting weird electropop dubstep skrill ex-girlfriend stuff.  Wrong!  Not only does he have a sterling finish, but this robot is programmed to listen to Cake! Fuck! I haven't listened to Fashion Nugget in forever.  I think I still have a tape of that pleasantly stupid album somewhere…

Anyway, this rad rockin' robot is both Twitter and Geocities-equiped, should you want to follow this young robot's journey through San Francisco.

Now, your Moment of Zen:

[Photo by Athlex]

Yoga Gets Riotous on Tallboy Terrace

Further proof that the rents are too damn high, you guys! These days even your local neighborhood yoga teacher dude can't even afford a brick and mortar location for his practices! What you're looking at here is a self-proclaimed Yoga Riot, which you can now find in Dolores Park on Saturday mornings.

“Hey guys, I tricked all these people into thinking they're exercising!”

Kudos to these folks for remembering to bring their $45 “yoga mats” (aka flaps of recycled plastic) to protect their bums from the residual urine and malt liquor that fertilizes the grasses of Dolo. But what is this, synchronized sunbathing? They're doing what we do at Dolores every weekend, only they're doing it on colorful little squares, and way earlier in the morning. Any time the SFPD wants to crack down on these public displays of “inner zen” or whatever is fine with me. 

SFPD Details New Stepped-Up Policing Strategy for Dolores Park

After a spring season of aggressive policing in Dolores Park (including at least 17 arrests, bothering folks for smoking and drinking, undercovers badgering lounging picnickers for heroin, and an alleged campaign to harass gay sunbathers), Dolores Park Works was able to get the word from Mission Station Captain Bob Moser at a community meeting as to what's going on:

Moser told the group he does not have the resources to completely eradicate alcohol from Dolores Park. He instead is focusing on enforcement of illegal alcohol sales, drug sales, public intoxication and underage drinking.

This subtly implies that the goal is to eventually “eradicate” alcohol from the Park, which obviously no substantial constituency is interested in.  But SFPD is making inroads on that situation regardless:

Starting at the end of April, Moser has increased police coverage in and around Dolores Park.  This involves radio squad cars, gang enforcement and plain clothes officers.  Captain Moser said he has directed all shifts of radio patrol cars to include Dolores Park and the surrounding neighborhoods in their patrols. In May, radio cars logged 413 “passing calls” or visits.  Success from this increased enforcement operation includes gang officers spotting and arresting known gang members, plainclothes officers making buys and issuing citations for the sale of psylocibe mushrooms, pot, Jello shots and beer.  Plain clothes officers are also being sent into the park at night and extra officers are patrolling the park during peak weekends and issuing tickets for keggers that “get little bit out of control,” Moser said.  On the perimeter of the park, officers have made arrests for public urination and auto burglary.

Keggers?  Well, in all the countless afternoons I've squandered in Dolores, I've never once seen or heard of anyone hauling a barrel of brew in the park.  But, hey, I guess it's possible that multiple keggers just spontaneously started happening over the last few weeks.

Anyway, the city's park rangers report that they are also in the midst of stepping up their patrols in the park, stating that their priorities are shutting down loud late parties, “underage drinking, tents, drug and alcohol sales and illegal venders.”

[Pic by Prolly Is Not Probably]

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