Mission District

Hot New Microhood: "Valencia Bottoms"

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

While on the topic of expensive fashion, The Bold Italic has been running wild with the naming new neighborhoods trend and recently dubbed the area around Valencia and 14th/15th as “Valencia Bottoms.”  I'm not exactly sure how they got that name, considering it's near the top of the street (perhaps because there are a lot of shops that sell pants? Valencia Gardens is home to the bottom segment of income earners?), however TBI asserts the two-block stretch is “going through a full-fledged renaissance” and becoming “becoming a destination unto itself.”  To further hype up the “new” microhood, The Bold Italic gives us a full tour of the hotest businesses on the block catering to the upwardly-mobile. Check it.

Parking Drama

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I haven't owned a car in years, so I'm pretty oblivious to the scarcity of parking in San Francisco.  However, I guess parking in the Mission is quickly turning into a big pain in the ass: Willie Brown bitches about it,  SFMTA says that 30% of cars driving on SF's roads are actively looking for parking, and I've been seeing more people holding spots than I have in years past.  Then there was this scene the other night, which actually required some third party peace negotiators to mediate the parking fight.

In short, the girl holding something like 5 handbags and wearing bright white shoes was standing in a spot outside of Beauty Bar, holding it for her friend. The driver of the Aztec showed up and began to park his car as if the girl wasn't there.  The girl, generally indifferent, looked up from her iPhone as his bumper inched closer to her to yell “I'm standing here!,” and then went back to thumbing her cell. The driver lowered his window, yelled back “I'm parking here!,” and the back and forth went on from there. Eventually a delegation of space savies experts rolled up from the sidewalk and convinced the guy to move along, asserting that it was her space because she was standing in it.  However, it took a few minutes of the guy protesting about “how hard it is to park around here.”

Glad I learned how to ride a bike.

No Hope For Gitmo Detainees

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I love it when street art gets political and I'm not exactly sure what the artist is getting at.  Is this a criticism of Obama not closing Guantanamo despite his campaign promises to do so?  That detainees don't have any hope of seeing a fair trial(or a trial at all)?  That the artist hopes to get their master of fine arts?

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Now the Mission is Home to a Cat Hotel

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

SFist alerts us to the opening of a new cat hotel at 18th and Treat, Mission: Cats.  From their about page:

Mission: Cats offers a cat-only experience that ensures you come home to a happy, healthy kitty. With a powerful HEPA air filtration system clean air moves through our over 1200 sf space. Kitties are given purified water and kept well supplied with their favorite toys and treats. We never charge extra for playtime and cuddles. We house a small number of cats, enabling us to give each cat the attention and admiration it deserves. Our staff is certified in Pet First Aid and CPR through the American Red Cross. We are insured by Kennel Pro. We have a security cameras (and even better, kitty cams!), as well as a sprinkler system. We are located two blocks from the 24 hour San Francisco Veterinary Specialists.

This is truly magical. Air filtration, purified water, a security system, and free cuddles? For the bargain price of 25 bucks a night, these cats are living a better life than I do. Hell, they probably don't even have fleas.

Shit Wasted Hipsters Say in The Mission

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I'm not big into blogging the whole 'overheard' thing, but this particular gem I heard during my late night bar travels this past weekend is worth noting:

I’ve come up with the next viral internet meme. So you know how terrible and unexpected things happen in your life like your friend dying in a fire or in a violent car crash? Well, they inevitably send someone their last text message. So why not get that text tattooed on the back of your neck?

The guy went on to talk about starting a blog of all the tattoos, leading to a book deal and some sort of regular income.  Best of luck!

Modern Times Bookstore Evicted From Valencia, Moving to 24th

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

After 20 years on Valencia and 20th, Modern Times was booted from their current location by their landlord, who opted to not allow the bookstore renew their lease.  According to the shop, the landlord-forced move was not all that bad, as moving gave the shop an opportunity to downsize and refocus their energy on community events, helping them stay nimble in the internet age.  The only problem was they hadn't secured a new space ahead of their April 30th eviction.

Well, the shop just secured new digs at 2919 24th, the muralized building vacated by Live Fit Gym adjacent to Wonderland:

Terrific news for Modern Times, no doubt.  But what does it say about Valencia Street that a 40-year-old Mission business with two decades of history on Valencia has to pack up and head to 24th for refuge?  Probably that 24th will be facing similar problems in 10-20 years, but whatever.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Lots of Opportunities to Eat Pancakes This Weekend

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

If there's not enough starch and Aunt Jemima in your diet, this weekend is full of opportunities to reverse your dietary misfortune and crush some stacks of flour.  First up is Friday's “Pancakes & Booze,” a cheap ($5!) all-you-can-eat pancake bar that also happens to have an adjacent art show, live music, body painting and %#@.  While I don't know what artists and musicians will be present, I do know that pretty much everybody is capable of putting back five bucks worth of pancakes so it ought to be a decent time.

Also, if you manage to peel your ass out of bed early on Saturday, Leonard Flynn Elementary on César Chávez and Harrison is hosting a pancake breakfast fundraiser for the PTA.  Reader Josh fills us in on the details:

Pancake breakfast, Saturday April 16, at Leonard Flynn Elementary in the cafeteria from 8-11AM. It's $5 per person for pancakes, coffee, bacon, etc…

A great way to work through all the pbr from Friday night and at the same time support your local Mission public elementary school. All the money goes to the PTA and then gets used to buy pretty basic stuff (like dry-erase markers) for the teachers.

So there you have it: pancakes, art, raising money for school supplies, live music, and %#@!  Enjoy!

Put A Bird On it

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Someone had to explain this tag to me the other day, because I generally need things explained to me.  Apparently the popular children's television show Portlandia made the observation that people put birds on things to make everything more artistic.  Perhaps this is true, although Mid-Market is full of pigeons and than place is a shit pit.  Regardless, street artists have taken this concept and run wild on Clarion Alley's murals.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

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