When ROA wasn't busy drawing a giant rabbit on the side of Hemlock Tavern the other week, he was on 15th and Valencia painting this gnarly rat and getting harassed by no less than 6 squad cars.  Unfortunately it got splashed with paint before he could finish it.  Bummer.

I came across this spraypaint fortune cookie while dining at Atlas Cafe and felt compelled to share.  As an individual with a lot of hater hate (not to be confused with KKK-style hate) running through my veins, I find masturbation to be a fine way to soothe the snark and bring out my inner Dalai Lama.  Take seeing a terrible movie in theaters: you could just bail, but then the $15 you could have put towards your next weed purchase would have been completely wasted. Alternatively, you could shit on the flick the entire time, but that'd just enrage the sweaty overweight guy sitting next to you who REALLY THINKS Tron: Legacy captures the magic of the original.  So rather than snarking your way through the 2-hour mistake, why not just lean back in your seat and polish off your member so you can watch the film in a state of unadulterated serenity?  Masturbation: a fine alternative to hating.

Also, I sincerely advise you to never take my advice.

Once again, Sunday Streets proved to be a solid community event in which San Franciscans were begged to imagine what Valencia and 24th could look like without traffic and given the opportunity to complain about the wind's affect on their collective haircuts.  Unlike Sunday Streets in years past, in which the event was dominated by art bikes, kids going ape-shit with boxes of chalk, and music, a few politicians were out there not letting you forget 2011 is an election year.

Perhaps the real highlight of the whole day had to have been our human-mustache hybrid mayor, Ed Lee.  There he was, walking down the middle of Valencia with two or three innocuous bodyguards with his head slightly down and a Giants cap and sunglasses hiding most of his face.  Gavin Newsom, this man is not.  Rather than making the entire event about how he attended the event, Lee generally kept to himself, yet kindly offered to chat with people and crack a wide smile for a photo when approached.  He didn't even seem to give a shit when a bunch of kids holding brown bags and Red Stripes ran up for a photo.

And like every quality Ed Lee photo-op, the scene turned into a high-five party.  Joined by Phil of Philz Coffee and mountain bike pioneer Gary Fisher, the mayoral crew began 'giving skin' to passersby:

Then, sensing an opportunity to be hip, President of the Board David Chiu ran up to the scene like a high school math nerd who was just waved over to the cool kids' lunch table, dolling out slaps, fist bumps, and immediately making the situation kinda awkward.  That's not to say I don't like David Chiu—I'm sure he's a fan-tastic guy—it's just if you're going to throw up your sweaty palms with the mayor, you best bring your A game.

Shortly after the high-five party crash, David Chiu mounted his conference bike, cranked up “Hey Ya!” and rolled down the street while a girl dressed in pink shaggy carpet blowing bubbles acted as sweep.  Gutsy music choice.  On one hand, it's a Top 40 hit safe with families and Noe Valley, but on the other hand, it wasn't Gucci Mane.  We'll give him a pass on this.

Supervisor Avalos was also there, who's apparently trying to ride 'Giants Fever' all the way to the ballot box.  From what I can tell, he really impressed the hulking dude in camo shorts holding a hula-hoop with his vision of San Francisco.

Thankfully, the event wasn't all politicians and awkward high-fives.  For example, this local badass was riding down the street on a bike fashioned to look like a deer.

There were also some dudes that didn't realize Cinco de Mayo was last week.

And some shirtless people practicing yoga amongst broken bottles and hungover people who really didn't need to see this.

This pigeon had a shitty Sunday Streets.

Anndddd… scene.

I realize it's not fully clear what is going on in the above photo because I haven't yet grasped the art of framing a photo, but some kind person at 19th and Guerrero has made every lazy person's job a little easier this Mother's Day by offering up a box full of free, pre-stamped Mother's Day cards.  They even put the stack of cards right next to a mailbox.  All you have to do is remember where your parents live, draw some hearts, and drop it in the bin.  Convenient!