Mission District

Painted Feathers

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

One of my favorite things about biking back from downtown is all the goddamn painted light posts on Howard.  They are, like, pretty and stuff.  Anyways, some soulless vandal hellbent on bringing down property values took it upon themselves to paint this post on 23rd and Capp.  If gramps didn't already send this person to jail for their violent assault against this light post's right to be, I hope they paint more of like this.  It's, like, pretty and stuff.

Block Party to Raise Money For a Community Market Yo!

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

If there were a farmer's market off of 22nd st., I probably wouldn't have scurvy.  Let's do it people!  Go eat pizza!  Go drink wine on the sidewalk and get Revolution's beer/wine permit revoked!  Let's get those veggies!  Mark your calendars because this is a little ways off!  Exclamation point!

(link)

Is the Inner Mission the "Hipster Ditch?"

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Curbed SF is declaring “that part of Inner Mission” full of nu-restaurants like Flour + Water should be called “Hipster Ditch.”  (R.I.P. “Media Gulch”).  Clearly the real estate agents, with their evil neighborhood renaming tactics, won't let that name stick, but is it a good one?  Obviously, the word “Hipster” is so over and that part of the Mission seems to my untrained eye to be more hispanic than PBR, but what do I know.  (Link)

(photo by The London Boil)

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Do Mission Bars Need Their Own iPhone App?

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I'm not 100% sure why this app exists with Yelp and what not, but if you're new to town or bad at filtering out the noise, someone made an app “Mission Bars.”  Because I don't understand iTunes, I cannot give you a link to the app.  Anyways, there are so many bars off the list, perhaps it is just editorializing which are the best?  Mission Bar, Make-Out Room, The Attic, Clooney's (the bar of 2010), Dovre Club, Zeitgeist (not that they need to be put on any more lists), El Trebol, the JayN' Bee Club and many others are all off the list.

That said, the brief descriptions of each bar are generally honest.  Unlikely everyone who denies Doc's Clock is a North Beach/Marina bar, they call out the obvious.  Oddly enough, they don't mention that Delirium is a coke bar.  Shrug.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

BREAKING NEWS: Hipster-hating gets way too real

— By Zach Perkins |

(DRAMATIC RE-ENACTMENT, PRETEND THE TRICYCLE IS A CAR)

(All legit info bitten directly from the 'professional' journalists at KTVU; read some real news coverage here)

KTVU (try saying that out loud without following it up with a “FOX 2!”) is reporting that a motorist went on a rampage in the Mish and Potrero Hill tonight.  Four cyclists were the victims of consecutive hit and run attacks, presumably by the same aggbro.  Emergency response units were first called in at 9:45pm.  SFPD Lt. Lyn Tomioka told KTVU that the assaults occurred at the following locations:

  1. 2700 block of Harrison.
  2. 2800 block of 24th.
  3. Intersection of 23rd and Pennsylvania. 
  4. 17th and Missouri.

Three of the cyclists have been hospitalized and all are expected to survive.  The perp fled on foot like a little bitch after the 17th and Missouri assault.  Alright Mission, grab your pitchforks and find this douchebag, he's out there hurting people and giving us armchair haters a bad name.  Feel free to submit any sketches/artist renderings of the suspect to us at mailto:holler@uptownalmanac.com

In light of these events and out of respect for the victims I'm asking for a moment of silence, a 40oz of Colt 45 to be spilt at each location, and a full 24 hours without any 'fixie' jokes.  I'm looking at you Kevin.

(Author's note: In all seriousness, I hope everyone is okay.   Let's hope this fucktard gets caught and prosecuted quickly.)

Weird Fish Brings Back Most of Their Old Menu

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I love that Bender's is trying to bring back the seitan but, honestly, I just miss the deep fried seitan of pre-2010.  Well, Weird Fish figured out that people hated their new menu and almost completely reverted.  Waco Tacos, Buffalo Girls, Seitan Fish n' Chips and sweet potato fries.  FUCK YES.  I was so excited, I ate 4.5 burritos / 13 PBRs / 2 track bike chains worth of food.  WORTH IT.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

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