Fashion

Around this time last year, Crate & Barrel was in Dolores Park (and outside the 500 Club, if we remember correctly) shooting a commercial for some products.  But nothing ever came of it, until now:

The Dolores Park Collection!  What fun!

The list of goods, from Mission Mission:

• Burger/bratwurst sauce
• Barbecue sauce
• Burger press
• Insulated cooler tote (not the first insulated cooler bag to be associated with the Dolores brand, by the way)
• Mini-grill of some Nordic brand

Yes, for $125.75, you're ready to BBQ in Dolores Park.  In style.  No need to press those burgers with your own hands.  No need to run to Safeway for some Sweet Baby Ray's.  Crate & Barrel has got you covered.

Now, all that's left is to wait for the unveiling of that commercial they shot last year.  And, hopefully, Martha Stewart's "Live From Dolores Park" episode (squeal!!!!!).

[via Mission Mission]

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• Dolores Park Star of New Crate & Barrel Commercial

In 2006, I watched a charming, somewhat 50’s-inspired young indie band play at what was then the Balazo Gallery on Mission. I bought an EP of theirs called Loose Change. The EP featured six short and sweet, excellently crafted pop songs and I came to love it for its simple elegance and likability. There was no “getting it” involved in the appreciation of these songs, they were just good.

That band was called The Morning Benders. Over the years, I enjoyed reading pieces about them every now and again and took pleasure in knowing that they were doing okay for themselves out in the world. In 2010 they released a much huger sounding and very produced record called Big Echo, which was also good and, despite the sonic maturing, it still had the same simple “songy” charm I enjoyed with their first EP.

Whatever, they were a band, I thought they were good. Cool? This is what they sounded like.

OK. Some of you may remember that at the end of March, The Morning Benders released a statement that they were changing their name because “Bender” means “GAY PERSON” in Europe and so they simply had to change their name to POP ETC (which they did) to protect gay people in Europe from being called gay. Or something. Really high-minded and forward thinking, The Morning Benders. Thanks for saving gay people!

So anyway, these kids changed a whole lot more than their band name. Rather than explain, I’ll just let you guys go ahead and take a gander at the video they just released:

Uh.... Cool, guys. Really cool.

So just off the bat, here are my thoughts.

1. This band totally made a big stink about “we’re changing our name out of respect for the gay community” when it was obviously just to promote their new, completely unrelated white (sorry, asian?) kid smooth RnB jam project.

2. Nice tank top.

3.  It’s hard for me not to feel like this dude didn’t just start making electronic music because it’s super “in”. This could just be because I really like guitars and stuff, but I feel like this music sounds really phony, joyless, uninspired, not super well-constructed, and contrived.

I’m not saying artists shouldn’t branch out and try new things, but putting out boring smooth jamz about “living it up” seems to me like a cop-out. Also, rock n roll is an important American art form that I don’t want to see die in favor of writhing pretty-boys in tank tops. Like, dude are you wearing lipgloss?

Here’s your moment of zen.

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• Eurodummies Call "The Morning Benders" Gay, Band Gets Hella Bent Out of Shape

After climbing out of a mid-90s LeBaron limo late last night, "The Pope of Trash" walked into the trashiest bar in the Mission while everyone pretended not to give a shit.  And after "not giving a shit" in hushed tones for a few minutes, everyone returned to their rapidly warming PBRs with the eager reluctance only faked nonchalance can inspire.

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• Trash-Fanatic John Waters Gathers Research on Muni
• Why John Waters Thinks 1970's San Francisco Was Gayer Than Today

Skipping out on yesterday's Hunky Jesus Competition was a mistake because you missed this:

That's right, it's Jesus.  It's Jesus and he's playing a giant cross guitar.  With a flask of whiskey in hand.

As you might imagine, Rock n' Roll Jesus had the competition won before he even plugged his cross into the amp and started jamming.  Hell, I'm pretty sure he had it in the bag before he even set foot in Dolores Park.  But as any one of the 10,000 people in attendance can tell you, he lit up the entire place as soon as his divine fingers hit the strings.

The competition would have been wise to throw down their crosses in defeat right then and there and bow down to their superior, but the contest dragged on without a single suitable challenger emerging from the whole lot of abs and man thongs.  And as the race for second place came to a close, the air of inevitability gave way to triumph as Rock n' Roll Jesus was crowned 2012's Hunky Jesus, proving once and for all that all the gym memberships in the world won't make you as good lookin' as some guitar lessons.

UPDATE: Our friend Ben caught up with Rock n' Roll Jesus backstage (Jesus' La Lengua apartment) for a private demo of the cross guitar:

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• Playable Electric Guitar Bicycle (And Other Functional Nonsense From Cyclecide)