— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
There was a whole bunch of good stuff at this year's “Harlem Shake”-themed Carnaval, including a blow-up sabre-tooth tiger covered in some sort of bacteria and the usual colorful array of dancers, but, yeah, this guy's necklace took the cake.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Who needs car insurance when you have a few hundred phone cases tastefully incorporated onto your vehicle?
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Is this a joke? An ingenious way to earn rent? The future of #swag? Either way, this acceptably-priced $80 tank top has quite the marketing pitch:
The rent is too high. You're too educated to ignore that you're part of the problem, but you're not about to move to Mountain View. Find solace in this high fashion accessory. Admit your Privilege, find release.
Given the photo looks like it was taken on some beat kitchen table, this is probably for real. So why don't you email your credit card information to some unverified gmail address? Coachella is only 11 months away…
Update: The folks behind Rent Raiser tell us the tanks are not American Apparel, but in fact “100% Vietnamese Sweatshop brand.” Be advised.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
To be fair, I hear the Civic Center BART platform is quite soothing after a long day.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
When future generations of American schoolchildren look back at 2012 in their history ebooks, San Francisco's greatest achievement will undoubtedly be remembered as Lyft's pink mustache—perhaps the most significant leap forward in automobile anthropomorphism since Lindsey Lohan sniffed her way inside Herbie the Love Bug back in 1969. But we aren't living in 1969, my friends. This is bronze age of iterative disruption, and Muni has taken Lyft's fist-bumpin' badge of whimsy and pivoted it into a sinister, alien-eyed autobus frontage.
That's right. Behold the future of Muni: these are the new electrohybridfuturebuses you'll be spending your anxiety-filled commutes in for the next 10-15 years, and oh how evil they look.
But it's a marvelous improvement, really. And when you consider the driver of said alien-eyed autobus won't welcome you with a fist-bump, but instead a glare and mumbled obscenity, pehaps Muni's newly personified face is a fitting representation the entire system.
[Photo by munidave | via Streetsblog]
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Proving that Valencia Street is the new LA, a tipster tells us the techie-adored and whimsically-branded online fashion pusher Betabrand has just signed a lease at 19th and Valencia. Betabrand's founder Chris Lindland confirms: “Yes. We're moving [into 780 Valencia]. Now awaiting city approval for a heliport & livestock permit.”
Finally, we won't have to fumble with our computers to get our gross hands on a $225 smoking jacket or socks so expensive that they come with insurance.
I kid. (Well, a little bit, at least.)
Betabrand is, perhaps, one of the least obnoxious upscale garbmongers to come to the Mission. They are headquartered in the neighborhood, and their clothes are manufactured in a San Francisco sweatshop, as opposed to an Asian sweatshop. Also, I couldn't find the word “artisan” anywhere on their website.
These, my friends, are the kind of corporate values you could bring home to your mother.
But, yes, their clothes are dorky as shit—dare I say, Marinaish. And I'm certain anyone with a modest income will ever be able to afford to shop there. But if the neighborhood demands seersucker, give the neighborhood seersucker.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Following last week's report that Jack Spade is pushing for Adobe Books' eviction, we just learned that the 25-year-old bookshop has been served its final eviction notice. A member of the Adobe Books Collective relayed the news, telling Uptown Almanac “the property owner of the Adobe space served [owner Andrew McKinley] an eviction notice for June 15.”
The eviction notice comes less than two weeks after Adobe Books raised $60,000 to cover a year's worth of rent increases.
The biggest unknown surrounds the future of the space. As you may recall, Jack Spade—a subsidiary of the Liz Claiborne conglomerate—sought a Letter of Determination from the Planning Department regarding the brand's status as a formula retailer last summer. But besides job ads and reportedly sizing up Idol Vintage next door, they've been completely silent about their plans. (To us, having your press person decline to confirm or deny you intentions is a de facto admission of ill intent. Alas.)
It stands to reason that Jack Spade is sprinting to open a location in the Mission, hoping to avoid a damaging fight with residents the likes of 2009's protest that kept American Apparel from opening on Valencia Street. As Jack Spade only operates 10 stores in the United States, they are one store shy of meeting the city's definition of formula retail, which is banned along the Valencia corridor. Their proposed location at 3166 16th Street would be that store.
A press release from earlier this month confirms Jack Spade's aggressive growth:
Jack Spade, Kate's little brother is more than ready to step out of his sister's shadow as the brand becomes a major focal point and potential growth driver for [parent company] Fifth & Pacific. The brand is now poised for broader expansion, as Fifth & Pacific's CEO William McComb said that Jack Spade 'can be a $100 million men's business with very high margins.” The company has invested heavily in the brand as it moves closer to attaining lifestyle brand status. The investment has taken the form of store expansions as the brand grew from three units to 10 stores. Those numbers are also expected to rise as retailers set its sights on domestic and international markets, notably China, according to vice president and brand director Cuan Hanl
It seems the purveyor of $495 lemon raincoats is trying to sneak their way into the Mission District before it becomes illegal to do so, skirting the intent of the city's anti-formula retail legislation. Adobe Books just happens to be a casualty in their pursuit.
We'll update if we hear anything else. If you have any inside knowledge of Jack Spade's plans, drop us a line at tips@uptownalmanac.com.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
All this talk of “homogenization” reminded me that Shotwell's has a mighty fine new t-shirt for sale that suspiciously reminds me of today's illustration in The Bold Italic. Similar color schemes and everything. Mmm. Weird.
Of course, we love Shotwell's rendering of their block. Also, it's a t-shirt, and we know you've been meaning to transition to wearing bar t-shirts full-time for a while now. So definitely do yourself a favor and pick one of these up before they're all gone (and try the new Almanac chocolate brew while you're at it).
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
I have no idea what the pile of bananas and other Dolores Park refuse has to do with this scene, but the past week's summer heat wave has left full-lengthed panted folks dismembering their jeans with unidentified cutlery, apparently.
(Also, is it too soon to start a city-wide conversation about the need for pant disposal receptacles on every block?)
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Yesterday, the beloved San Francisco Chronicle published an important look at the burgeoning “hypermasculine” haircut industry in the Bay Area (loosely defined as “establishments [that are] full of pre-1930s barber chairs, hand-powered barbering tools, folksy wooden touches, straight-razor shave kits, whiskey and, of course, the signature red, white and blue barber poles.”) Behind the trend are tech-savvy folks who find their barbers on Yelp (the benchmark of tech savviness), don't want to “sit next to ladies with foil in their hair,” and yearn for a time when “men used to take more pride in themselves.” They really want to look good!
However, it's not all about harking back to a time 'when men were men and women were in the kitchen' and there was a military draft, it's about being real. The self-described “founder” of Valencia Street's F.S.C. Barber (and curator of stunning lines) Sam Buffa explains in what could be the best line ever published in the Chronicle's 147-year history:
“This is about moving past the scraggly, long-haired hippie to something rugged and masculine and real,” says Buffa, who's interrupted by a friend bringing a quiche from Tartine.
You see, “San Francisco is ready for [real haircuts] in a way it wasn't before,” Buffa mansplains. “This city is not the people who used to be here.”
Namely, broke pussies.