Fashion

I'm Never Having Babies, Part 52

— By Laura B |

I spotted this ensem in a baby store on Valencia and I call it, “MY VAGINA/SPIRIT IS BROKEN AND I CAN’T HAVE SEX AGAIN SO WHY NOT?” Alternately, “Two for the Road!” Or optionally, “3.5% of Heterosexual Men are Saving This Image For Later.” I could go on and on and on. 

I’m sorry, what exactly is being advertised here? The duel-action breast pump (ugh) or the totally inappropriate dress? What is it about maternity that brings out the no shame factor? It’s like all of a sudden these ladies think they can whip this shiz out in public and we’re all supposed to be like, “Oh the miracle of birth, so special.” This should be used in an abstinence campaign because congratulations, I’M NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN. 

All I’m saying is, if there was a God, he would have taken my uterus/eyes by now because I can’t deal with this. 

(p.s. i wish i could say the best thing about this photo is the ghost on the mannequin’s crotch but really that’s just my boyfriend being appalled!)

You Sir Are No Lady Gaga

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that it is extremely difficult to look your best while walking your fixie down Valencia St. without a pair of Ray-Ban stunners on, but maybe this is just taking it ‘too far’?  But, really, why the hell am I surprised?  Fashion always seems to be more about one-upsmanship than practicality.  So, what’s next?  Tattooing Apple ear-buds and cables to your face and chest?  An iPhone to your palm?  A giant doormat on your forehead?

Anyways, does anyone know where I can buy a flannel shirt made out of Cabbage Patch Kids?

(video proves this is not bullshit)

San Francisco: Get an HIV Test While Shopping for High-Waisted Jeans That Your Mother Owned

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I had one of those “fuck you, there’s no way they sell coffins at Costco” moments yesterday when my roommate told me you can get a 20-minute HIV test at Out of the Closet thrift stores.  Well, turns out he wasn’t lying (although it is only available at the Polk St. store).  Fuck ya, San Francisco.

(pic by GraeArea)

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