— By Laura B |
I spotted this ensem in a baby store on Valencia and I call it, “MY VAGINA/SPIRIT IS BROKEN AND I CAN’T HAVE SEX AGAIN SO WHY NOT?” Alternately, “Two for the Road!” Or optionally, “3.5% of Heterosexual Men are Saving This Image For Later.” I could go on and on and on.
I’m sorry, what exactly is being advertised here? The duel-action breast pump (ugh) or the totally inappropriate dress? What is it about maternity that brings out the no shame factor? It’s like all of a sudden these ladies think they can whip this shiz out in public and we’re all supposed to be like, “Oh the miracle of birth, so special.” This should be used in an abstinence campaign because congratulations, I’M NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN.
All I’m saying is, if there was a God, he would have taken my uterus/eyes by now because I can’t deal with this.
(p.s. i wish i could say the best thing about this photo is the ghost on the mannequin’s crotch but really that’s just my boyfriend being appalled!)
Comments (13)
Awaiting deluge of comments which should fall neatly into the following categories (let me know if I missed any):
- Grow up
- STFU
- You’ve clearly got issues/get over it
- So that’s what boobs are for?
- I’m with you. Nursing moms is nasty.
perhaps you missed:
“defensive breeder” (neatly holds first three categories you suggested)…that could also be, “what? the world needs more kids! there aren’t millions of them sitting in foster care or anything!”
ooh also:
“i adopted/used a surrogate so i miss out on that THANKS FOR SHOVING IT IN MY FACE”
That things bears a remarkable resemblance to a similar device for guys that I bought from the back of a magazine a few years back.
No but seriously folks, there is a new lactte place on the Mission!
Thanks for keeping us abreast of all the latest developments.
The ones they sell in Pacific Heights have special silicone-safe architecture…
and so on.
I was gonna say, the mysterious face in the crotch looks so familiar!
+1 for Grow Up, tho admittedly visually horrendous and debasing. Mom’s got to work (or sleep) and baby’s got to eat. Silver lining: you get one of these: http://harpersue.com/
but its vegan!
I see your creepy dress and raise you a breastfeeding-related story that will make you cry.
creeptastic
Oh, I use one of those breast pumps (WITH the pumping bra), and I can tell you from experience, it is akin to torture.
As for the public “whipping out of yer goods” thing, I haven’t done it often for a few reasons: 1) the baby won’t stop kicking because he’s too distracted to eat and 2) it’s no fun giving the local homeless man a free peep show. If I’m going to let people see these milk jugs, I should at least get a few bucks for it.
KIDDING. Or am I?
I was there the day Natural Resources put this display together. I wondered how long it would take before some local blogger freaked out about it. Answer: about two weeks.
Sorry, but nursingwear and breast pumps are reality for lots of mamas. In fact, not nearly enough mamas, because so many women are discouraged from breastfeeding, often by hospitals who are in the pockets of formula companies. Milk is good for babies, breastfeeding is good for mamas AND babies, and if we could just be a little more relaxed about public nursing we’d have many healthier babies out there. And lower health care costs. And so on.
“It’s like all of a sudden these ladies think they can whip this shiz out in public”
I’ve never seen breast pumps being used in public, but hey, this is the Uptown Almanac and I only live in the Mission. Maybe that shit happens like all the time in Noe, or wherever the fuck it is you’re going to some day write about that will make this blog like seriously different from Mission Mission.
Jonas’ “appalled” face looks remarkably like his “nonplussed” face. Also, BARF.
First time hottie cranked this up, she mentioned the Folsom St. fair.
Although this picture looks ridiculous, I bet that they sell a lot of those things. Mom’s of small children will buy just about any breastfeeding gadget.