Fashion

Retired Belts

Terry B., hands down my favorite SF amateur bike and skateboard photographer, recently snapped some pics for Retired Belts, which could be a worthy replacement for the current piece of nylon and repurposed spoke wrench I presently call a belt (works real well!  Only cost 2 bucks to make!  Really ugly!).  Anyway, they use recycled touring tires, which is great for the earth and aesthetic authenticity, but I have no idea why the hell someone would ride their tires this long.  Retired is truly seeking out the flat-changing masochists of the touring world.

Available now at Box Dog Bikes! (link)

The Mission on a Messenger Bag

Spotted this Richshaw bag over at Mission Bikes the other day.  Neat bag, even if it is lacking SVN, Folsom, Harrison, Potrero UPDATE: and got the order of Dolores and Guerrero wrong.  Hopefully the next bag they design is a map of Bum Chutes because, goddamn, there's nothing like dodging mountains of needles on your daily commute to the Dogpatch.

Cool Kid Fashion: PETA Hoodie

If just last week you had told me I'd be seeing some skateboard industry dirtbag rocking a PETA hoodie at a competition at Potrero del Sol, I would have laughed at you and bet you I'd start eating meat again if the sight was seen.  Well, what the fuck, four dancing bunnies spotted within feet of Potrero's bowl.  Does this mean it's cool to wear your veganism on for back or is PETA the apex of hooded irony?

Do Skechers Shape-Ups 4realz Shape You Up?

                 Will Skechers Shape-Ups bring Joe Montana out of retirement?

                 Will Skechers Shape-Ups bring Joe Montana out of retirement?

I’ve been noticing a growing trend of women clad in sweat pants and Skechers Shape-Ups around the city and I think that someone needs to say something about it.  I probably shouldn’t be writing this post as I’ve been saying that I am going to join a gym for, well, 6 months now.  But fuck it.  This is why people have blogs amirite?  So we can be dicks about stuff without any self reflection?  Or maybe that’s just why I blog.  In either case, August is a slow bloggin’ month for me and Uptown Almanac has become a focal point of guilt/obligation/obsession because of this.  So, I think the only cure for this self-imposed guilt is to take a moment to hash out my growing despise for women in Skechers Shape-Ups!

I didn’t really think about the whole Skechers Shape-Ups phenomena until recently when I was dropping off Zach at some liquor store near our friend Clark’s house a few weeks ago.  Approaching 23rd and Mission, it hit us.  Is there 4realz a Skechers store in the Mission that’s actually still in business?  WTF?  Seems like that space should be some sort of Toms mega store where trustafarians can purchase ugly footwear by the bulk, and subsequently feel like a saint becuz every horrible Toms fashion choice is a great choice for humanity! Meaning, every pair of Toms shoes purchased means another pair of Toms shoes for some kid in a developing country.  Win win, but I’m really digressing from the point here.  Point is, why is there a huge Skechers store in the Mission, and why do women wear Shape-Ups?

I get the idea of being lazy and getting fit at the same time, it’s the American dream!  But, isn’t there another way to be lazy and get fit that doesn’t offend my eyes?  The other day I was in the gallery that I work in when some lady strolled up in her Shape-Ups, decked out in some sort of ensemble with an elastic waste, acrylic nails, and comically accessorized her work-out fit with A BIG GULP acting like she owwwwned the place.  THESE are the people wearing Shape-Ups you guys.  I approached her, and in the best Dumb and Dumber impression I could possibly muster I said, “big gulps, huh?” and proceeded to ask her about her Shape Ups.  “Are they toning your butt and flattening your abs?”  The woman, the unsuspecting victim of my boredom just kinda looked at me, said she had a long day, and turned to leave.

Did I offend her and her Big Gulps?  Or was she simply trying to prove a point by walking out with her firm ass in my face. IDK, cuz nothing seemed too firm cept the Big Gulp in her hand.  But do Shape-Ups really shape you up?  The Huffington Post reports that according to the American Council on Exercise, ‘simply no evidence to support the claims that these shoes will help wearers exercise more intensely, burn more calories or improve muscle strength and tone.’ Skechers (and Joe Montana!) disagrees.

Do you have Shape-Ups?  Are your eyes offended by Shape-Ups?  Do you think that after a year of wearing Shape-Ups, Joe Montana will come out of retirement?  Who is buying Skechers in the Mission?  If you were going to buy Shape-Ups would you do it in the Mission?  If Skechers gave away a free pair of Shape-Ups to kids in developing countries for every pair you purchased would you buy Shape-Ups? Or would that be fucked up because kids in developing countries are already skinny?  Want to go get Big Gulps later?  Huh?

Crafternoon Delight?

 Illustration by Kate Sutton

 Illustration by Kate Sutton

Like handmade stuff but (like me) are too lazy to actually DIY? Want to buy some hand-crafted goods and impress your Etsy loving friends? Want to support some waspy chicks that turn garbage into art? Need some DIY tips from over 225 vendors from all across the nation? If you said yes to any of these, then this weekend you're in luck! Starting this Saturday July 31st, San Francisco's 3rd annual Renegade Craft Fair will be taking place at Fort Mason Center Festival Pavilion. You can get crafty from 11am to 7pm and hyphy until 2am at any local bar! Just don't forget to impress all your new friends with the beanie baby earrings you made at the Accessorize with Toys! Workshop.

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