(Editor's Note: this was authored by reader Neb, resident of Alamo Square, “The land halfway between the Mission and the Marina.”  Frankly, I'm surprised anyone reading this blog would have gone to Union St. Fest, but whatever.)

Having the cultural depth of an MMA arena crowd in Ed Hardy shirts, the Union Street Festival managed to degrade my expectations of the SUV Strollerfest of babies who were conceived at Circa. Held just blocks away from the Marina, the bridge and tunnel crowd gave the people of Fremont an excuse to rival the Jersey Shore cast in the daytime. Rushing over 5 hours earlier then their normal blowout voyage in a race to the bottom, proving Union Street as the most pointless Festival in San Francisco.

While the rest of San Francisco was enjoying the sunshine by biking through Golden Gate Park, debating the merits of bros icing bros while drinking equally lame New Belgium in Dolores Park, or perfecting their papercraft wizardry of blunt rolling, B&T managed to cram together in Gary Coleman-sized, walled-off beer gardens in the middle of the street.

Outsourcing the arts directive to Sausalito photography galleries with the appeal of new tourist markets, the booths consisted of crafts too American Apparel for Indie Mart, Yupster corporations targeting people with actual jobs, and a get your picture taken with Gavin “Batman” Newson photo op. The rest of the tents consisted of generic overpriced festival food found at any event but this time hungry patrons were only constrained by their muscle shirts, not Outside Lands border fences.

A Marina acquaintance described their turn at the overrun, Union Street shit show as “horrible. So overwhelming with drunken douchebags.” (Her words, not mine).  Look for next year's festival to be sponsored by orange spray-on tanfriendly zero percent interest rate ING. See you next year, Circa 2011.

So there’s an art opening at Cafe Royale this Thursday called “Hipster Apocalypse,” and reading about it I’m just like….ughhhhhhh. I mean, read the description:

Ironically, although hipsters have existed in one form or another for decades, the hipster movement has become more main stream, influencing the American status quo by supporting alternative art, music, and fashion. Like an epidemic of entitlement, the hipster condition has spread across America and over the seas to Japan and other countries susceptible to American culture. We see hipsters every day riding their fixed-gear bicycles on their way to studying film at local art schools. They drink the most expensive coffee and the cheapest beer. Imagine a world where alternative culture is pop culture; a world where Vampire Weekend plays the half time show at the Super Bowl instead of Bruce Springsteen; a world where stores selling used records and clothing are as large and as common as Walmart. The purpose of this show is to create awareness of the hipster way and the rise in demand for outrageous moustaches, vacuum sealed jeans, high-school sports tee shirts, and the over-consumption of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Now, (TAKING ALL OF MY STRENGTH TO OVERLOOK THEIR USE OF THE WORD IRONIC) I don’t generally drink Pabst because I have taste buds, but I do a lot of hipstery things like not eating meat and loving boys with ironic facial hair. And I’m just tired of the term “hipster”.  It feels like 20-somethings are divided into “hipsters” and “bros and beezies,” and they’re supposed to hate each other and be condescending towards each other and blah blah blah.  And at this point I'm like WHO CARES. We all grew up with a sense of entitlement because most of us were born to upper middle class white people who coddled us and told us we were “special” while rearing us in suburbia and sending us to SAT prep classes because we were “destined to succeed.” Some of us embraced this upbringing, moved to the Marina, and continued to live off of the emotional and financial support of our parents. Others were like, “wait, but I’m different and I want people to know I’m different and SO not like my parents,” so they moved to the Mission and liked the same things everyone else liked, like second-hand flannel and oversized glasses, while continuing to live off of the emotional and financial support of our parents. So I guess my whole point is…don’t point the finger at hipsters for this culture of entitlement sweeping over the helpless nation “like an epidemic.” It’s my whole goddamned generation, and you created us.

That said, I'm sure it's all very lovely art (UNICORNS! RAAAAAINBOWS!!), and the reception goes from 8pm-midnight. make up your own minds, you goddamned conformists.

Remember the time your parents were all proud of you and put the sticker of your college on the back of their Taurus but you were 'wicked embarrassed' because you graduated from Holyoke Community College?  Well, now this douchedad is gloating about where his little semen stains work.  Steve Jobs, you made a father proud.

(via tumbledore)

(Rome Ramirez of 'Sublime with Rome' via Hipstamtic Prints?)

The last Live 105 BFD concert I went to was in 2000.  It was a bizarre, tumultuous time for music during which people thought it was a really good idea to have a band like Stone Temple Pilots OPEN for Limp Bizkit. Since then, BFD has continued on as an annual fixture in the lives of mainstream music lovers, occasionally even slipping in a new/legit act (Spoon, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, etc). 

This year, possibly to mark the tenth anniversary of having THE MOST EMBARRASSING BAND EVER headline (FYI: Limp Beezy is back with a new single yall!!) Live 105 has decided to out do themselves with the most mind boggling douchetard lineup conceivable; proving to everyone that they're all still stuck in the worst parts of the mid to late 90s.  Let's examine the three headlining acts:

1. Sublime with Rome:  This post-mortem/zombie jam revival band began as a collaboration between original members Eric Wilson and Bud Gaugh when they realized they were broke and lacked transferable job skills (apparently Enterprise Rent-A-Car doesn't favor resumes that list 'tolerating strung-out lead singers' and 'taking mad bong hits'.)   They recruited some Sublime-obsessed kid named Rome Ramirez (I use the term kid quite seriously; dude was born in 1988, the same year that Sublime was originally formed) to front the band and immediately got sued when they tried to use the 'Sublime' moniker in 2009.  The original Sublime played their last Live 105 concert as an opener for BFD in 1995.
2. Hole:  Yes, as in Courtney mother fucking Love, Hole.  This travesty of a band's last Live 105 show was Not So Silent Night 1998.
3. Deftones:  They're still a band???  Their last Live 105 show was Not So Silent Night 2000. Not only are Deftones still a band, but are apparently coming out with some sort of comeback album.

('Guerilla' marketing for Deftones outside of Madrone Art Bar, via Alyssa.)