If you have a few million bucks lying around that you don't want to spend on the Dolores Park Church and would rather spend on a lame bar, Mission real estate owner/enemy of Buddhists Gus Murad is apparently selling off all his property on Mission St.  According to Mission Loc@l, Value Giant is pending a sale that's the equivalent of 4.5 million bottles of $1 dish detergent, Medjool and Elements Hostel is listed at $7.1 million, and the New Mission Theater is apparently being sold to “a very hot group from New York” for a measly $2 million.

That hot group is rumored to be the owners of Brooklyn Bowl, which means the Mission could be getting a bowling alley hella soon.  The realtor of the space tells Mission Local, “Let me tell you, you think the Mission’s hot right now, but if this deal goes through the Mission is going to explode.”  That's basically positive proof that we're getting a bowling alley, because the only things that could make the Mission explode are a nuclear holocaust, bulldozing Valencia, or a bowling alley.  My money's on the bowling alley.

As for Medjool?  Hopefully the new owner burns it to the ground and starts anew.

UPDATE: Turns out Mission Loc@l totally botched the story.  Neither Value Giant nor New Mission are up for sale.  Curbed has the correct info.

(link | photo by Joshua Dickens)

I stopped into Doc's Clock yesterday for a quick pint and round of pinball and this note was passed to me from down the bar.  Yep, some guy tried to order an “Oly,” as the bar formerly referred to the beer, scribbled this note in protest of their decision to stop carrying the beer, and bounced.  Now, Olympia might be the highest-rated cheap beer by Mission cool kids, but I really think you're splitting hairs when it comes to comparing Hams [sic] to just about any other beer that costs two smacks at a bar.  That said, I can only think of two other Mission bars that still carry Olympia (Gestalt and Homestead) soo…… market opportunity!

Reader Neb hips us to this Craigslist post on the subject

I was at the Laney College flea market yesterday, and there were many, many Brooks saddles to be had, black & brown, sprung & unsprung, most in great shape, and most with the post still attached. Of course, the bikes were no longer attached, and the sellers did not appear to be avid cyclists. I asked a couple sellers and the price seems to be around $50-60.

This seems to an industry in bloom - Invest in a saddle lock, but if and when your saddle is stolen, you'll know where to find it!  

Coincidentally, my buddy Ben, he of getting-his-bike-stripped-outside-of-Doc's-Clock-then-losing-it-off-his-bike-rack fame, had two, that's right, TWO Brooks saddles stolen last month.  He built the bike up on Christmas Eve, taking all the usual precautions (chaining the saddle to the frame and wrapping the chain in a tube).  Yet, he still had his new saddle stolen 36 hours later while his bike was parked on Market outside the Westfield.  His conclusion was to buy a third, crappier saddle and take it with him every time he parked his bike.  My conclusion was that fate intended for him to be a rollerblader.

The picture above was part of the chain-breaker that the thief left at the scene of the crime, suggesting our city's crackheads have caught up to our anti-theft tricks.  I guess all that's left to do is either outfit your bike with shitty, worthless parts or, if you really want to irritate yourself, stuffing all your bolts with tinfoil and hot wax.

Local mission residents gathered to celebrate the glory of Christ late December 25th. Trenton Davies, 31, attended the event after a facebook event notified him that Marcie Graves, 22, was attending.

Trenton Davies, far left, celebrates the birth of the Baby Jesus

”I was surprised, it's entirely different social circles. I only met Trenton once at a bar in the Marina”, says Graves. “I have to admit, when I added him as a friend, I was pretty drunk.”

Trenton arrived to the dinner fourty five minutes late, shortly after everyone sat down to eat. He had brought a bottle of Delicato Merlot, which he opened in the hallway. He asked everyone what was “sup” and sat himself at a place reserved for Thomas Hanes, who had excused himself to use the restroom. When he returned he found Trenton at his seat, filling his wine into Hanes' glass.

“I didn't know what to think. I assume he just made a mistake. It wasn't till later that I found out he was a jackass,” said Hanes.

Dinner conversation was sparse. Trenton was sitting uncomfortably close to Graves when he asked, “so seriously, we should hang out, you know?”

After being rejected by Graves, Trenton turned to the group of single, male members of the party for support located in the kitchen.

Trenton, far left, joins as Hanes, far right, welcomes him to the group.

Tensions eased when a mutual interest was shared: shots of Jameson whiskey. One man in a Mission themed t-shirt was heard to say, “..and that is the true meaning of Christmas or whatever.”