Judd sends us word of his plight, accompanied by the above descriptive illustration of the situation:

So, on the offchance anyone on here is fuming about having a bike stolen in the Mission by Bi-Rite the other night (or knows someone that matches this description), you might be in luck. I've tried Craigslist, SFFixed, a few email lists and I'm going to be leaving a note by the pole in question, but long story short someone decided it would be a good idea to lock up their beater basket bike by u-locking it to my frame.

Yeah, you read that right. I waited a while, then unlocked my bike and hauled both bikes back to my apartment, where they now sit, both still locked to each other. Anyone have any leads? Its a blue bike, “well loved”, old Shimano 600 components, wire basket, swept bars with white track grips. It was last seen at 18th and Oakwood (in between Guerrero and Dolores) around 9:30 pm or so, locked to my track bike.

Anyone?

Judd is about to take an angle grinder to the lock and turn the bike over to Eris, but if you recognize the bike, you still have some time to save it.  Comment here and I'll put you in contact with your bike's captor.  (Side note, who the hell does this?)

Apparently the basement of the “Castle on the Park” has been converted into the “yes gallery,” which strikes me as slightly more appropriate use of the space than the obvious choice of a bodega or paid bathroom.  In all honesty, I was more interested in checking out the inside of the building than the art, but last I heard, they were trying to rent out the basement to start-ups for the lofty sum of $10k a month, so I guess this means it's some damn nice art (or at least expensive enough to pay the bills).

When I started eyeing the staircase to sneak upstairs to check out the rest of the building / find a place to pee that wasn't a portapottie, some official-looking dude sitting at a table complete with a matching MacBook shot me a death stare that screamed “if you do it, I'm going to beat you over the head with a three thousand dollar paper cylinder.”  So yeah. if you want to know what it would be like to ludicrous amount of cash and live in a church, might I suggest devising a way to distract the staff first.

Last Friday Guerilla Guac, a pop-up late night guacamole vendor, appeared late night out front of Grand Coffee at 2663 Mission St.  Guerilla Guac was serving up tortilla chip bowl fulls that were so good I would have thought they were awesome regardless of being drunk or not.  The proprietor, Richard, was joining another pop-up vendor, Soup Dup, who had started slanging his goods late night at Grand Coffee the week prior (last time it was a bomb corn chowder, but he rotates his menu every week).  

Tonight, Guerilla Guac and Soup Dup are set to return to Grand Coffee from 9:30pm to 1:30am.  If all goes well tonight, they might be back again next Friday.

Missionites; get your drunk munchies on. 

Guerilla Guac tears it up by candlelight.

Sup Dup brings the chowda.

Guys, this is hella sad:

We have a matching gift opportunity at the Food Bank for our Morning Snack program. All gifts this week (up to $25k) will be matched by Keurig, Inc./Green Mountain Coffee Roasters. A lot of the schools we serve are in the Mission so I thought your readers might be interested to know what we do in the neighborhood. We want to provide in-class snacks to kids since a lot of them are underfed and can’t pay attention in class because they are hungry. This is why the SF Food Bank recently expanded its partnership with public schools to provide healthy morning snacks to schoolchildren – snacks such as fresh oranges, bananas, apples, granola bars, milk and more.

They even do a stellar job riffing on KFC:

The new San Francisco Food Bank’s Double Down: a one-of-a-kind “sandwich of opportunity” features a healthy school snack (a fresh piece of produce, cheese and healthy crackers with cheese) and the chance to give a hungry student a much needed bite to eat which will calm a hungry tummy at school! Double Down today and give the opportunity to excel! This opportunity is so rare, there’s no room for a bun!

Unfortunately I don't read my email enough so there is only one day left to donate, but it sounds like they could really use the money to feed hungry kids.  PLUS, this opportunity allows you to tell cute boys and girls at Dolores Park that you just gave $100 bucks to the Food Bank for the price of $50!  Killer deal!  Also, Zach says if you forward your donation confirmation email to holler@uptownalmanac.com before Monday, he'll post a list of readers (pseudonyms okay for sketchballs) who donated next week.  If no one donates, he'll instead post a hate-rant.  It's like a hostage situation!

Alright bums, donate now!