Guys, this is hella sad:

We have a matching gift opportunity at the Food Bank for our Morning Snack program. All gifts this week (up to $25k) will be matched by Keurig, Inc./Green Mountain Coffee Roasters. A lot of the schools we serve are in the Mission so I thought your readers might be interested to know what we do in the neighborhood. We want to provide in-class snacks to kids since a lot of them are underfed and can’t pay attention in class because they are hungry. This is why the SF Food Bank recently expanded its partnership with public schools to provide healthy morning snacks to schoolchildren – snacks such as fresh oranges, bananas, apples, granola bars, milk and more.

They even do a stellar job riffing on KFC:

The new San Francisco Food Bank’s Double Down: a one-of-a-kind “sandwich of opportunity” features a healthy school snack (a fresh piece of produce, cheese and healthy crackers with cheese) and the chance to give a hungry student a much needed bite to eat which will calm a hungry tummy at school! Double Down today and give the opportunity to excel! This opportunity is so rare, there’s no room for a bun!

Unfortunately I don't read my email enough so there is only one day left to donate, but it sounds like they could really use the money to feed hungry kids.  PLUS, this opportunity allows you to tell cute boys and girls at Dolores Park that you just gave $100 bucks to the Food Bank for the price of $50!  Killer deal!  Also, Zach says if you forward your donation confirmation email to holler@uptownalmanac.com before Monday, he'll post a list of readers (pseudonyms okay for sketchballs) who donated next week.  If no one donates, he'll instead post a hate-rant.  It's like a hostage situation!

Alright bums, donate now!