Sad Times

Tireless Thirst Quencher, Cold Beer Cold Water, to Depart for Warmer Waters

Nothing gold can stay. It is with a heavy heart, one laden with sorrow, that we bring you this news: Cold Beer, Cold Water (AKA “James”) is leaving us. The Dolores Park mainstay, who has brusquely quenched our varied thirst for years, is moving to Hawaii.

That this tragic news was first brought to our attention by the cheeriest person in the park, Hey, Cookie!, makes it no easier to swallow:

When reached for comment, CBCW confirmed the report, and told Uptown Almanac that his date of departure is the 11th of August. Cold Beer, Cold Water explained that his Hawaii expedition is, in essence, an exploratory one.

“I’m going to check it out and see if I like it. I’ll see what happens over there—it’s all hit and miss. […] If I like what I see I’ll stick around.”

It seems that Dolores Park isn’t as welcoming to CBCW as it used to be (although CBCW definitely ran into some trouble in the old park, as pictured above)—an ice cold reality which played a “small factor” in his decision to move. When asked about his place of soon-to-be-former business, CBCW said “it’s not pleasant to have police there every minute.” CBCW continued, “[the police] are over there every day—bugging people for trampolines, playing music, smoking cigarettes. Just harassing people.”

And while maybe we should have seen this move coming (that damn Hawaiian shirt he was always wearing!!!), we can’t say it doesn’t break our hearts a little anyway.

Fare thee well, Cold Beer Cold Water. May the warm waters of the Pacific welcome your refreshing soul with open arms.

Comments (23)

Based on the lack of responses, I guess everyone who even knows who he is anymore has also moved on or been forced out. 

Ha everything has to be taken so dramatically in the mission.  Maybe we just don’t care

I don’t care either. But historically, any news about Dolores and its regular cast of characters garnered a lot of response. Now it’s just full of people who spell it “Delores” 

Once again that’s just being dramatic and I doubt you could actually point to an article where that happened.

Furthermore who gives a shit if people are new to this city.  That’s been a chronic problem since I moved here for college in the early 2000s.  Just everyone calm the fuck down, it’s just a location to live in.  If it’s no longer working for you please investigate other cities, I’ve lived in Austin, Portland, and to a greater extent DC over the past decade and they’ve all been more than adequate.

Do you know what “dramatic” means? 

you made your point.     You take cities like hotels and have lived in 4 of them in the last years.    You are a rolling stone.   You come to town with a carpet bag, you don’t get attached to where you live.  You will probably be living in a fifth city soon, but you think your opinion about Dolores Park should be announced repeatedly, and  command others to adapt your “calm the fuck down attitude.”

The ones you reference in your “carpet bag” reference, that is. Many were motivated by a genuine desire for reform, and they brought valuable resources - physical, intellectual, and cultural - to the region which they came.

Which is why it’s entertaining to hear San Franciscans toss around that term as a pejorative.

Just … entertained by that.

Maybe. Or maybe it’s just because Kevin got lazy/bored/distracted and put up no new posts for ages, eventually handing it off long after lots of people gave up visiting.

This. I used to check UA every day or 2. Now I look once a week and most times there’s nothing new. 

Agreed. At least the few things that do get posted have some substance. Mission Mission has become almost completely vapid.

Thanks, I guess?

Your efforts are appreciated, Jack, but Kev left the tank empty when he handed you the keys.

I took a job at Gawker and had been planning on shutting the blog down entirely before Jack offered to take it over (and he’s been doing a great job with it!).

It wasn’t so much ‘tank left empty’ or anything else other than I didn’t want to continue having day job to support my writing any longer.

As mentioned above, Kevin was planning on closing Uptown Almanac down when I approached him about taking it over. I genuinely love the blog, and was/am a huge fan of all the work Kevin has done over the years. I believe UA to be an unique and important (yes, really) voice in the community, and I thought it a shame to just shut it down.

That being said, it’s true that I haven’t been able to maintain the same frequency of posts that Kevin (and all the other wonderful UA writers) did over the years. This is something that I’m constantly working on.

Anyway, in conclusion, thanks for reading.

For what it’s worth, many of your posts have been pretty top quality for a neighborhood blog. Infrequent, yeah, but generally with a little more depth that I appreciate.

It’s such a bummer that valleywag collapsed in upon itself. 

Generally better than Allan Hough’s endless navel gazing over on mission misson. 

Mishion Aborted.

 Indeed. Your grasp of The Journalisms is much better than our old pal Kevin, Mr. Morse-cusson. But, you can’t post new content once every 5 days or so and expect the clicks to keep coming. More bar/restaurant reviews? Kev-Mo style  rants to fire up the crazies? Just don’t bring back the tagging/graffiti picture shoutouts. F those guys. 

Also, safe travels, CBCW. Thank you for your service.  And, Gods bless Hey, Cookie!, even if she is trying to give me diabetes.

I’ll miss James, he was a good guy with interesting stories

It will be sad to see Cold Beer, Cold Water go, but he seems very excited about his next chapter.

I say bon voyage drinks are in order.  Cold Beer Cold Water loves the Homestead, and so do we! I’ll check to see when James is free. Save a date for Dolores Park’s favorite bartender.  ;)

Thank you for your blessings, Jay! ❤️