Whimsical Bullshit

Politicians Take Over The Mission During Sunday Streets

Once again, Sunday Streets proved to be a solid community event in which San Franciscans were begged to imagine what Valencia and 24th could look like without traffic and given the opportunity to complain about the wind's affect on their collective haircuts.  Unlike Sunday Streets in years past, in which the event was dominated by art bikes, kids going ape-shit with boxes of chalk, and music, a few politicians were out there not letting you forget 2011 is an election year.

Perhaps the real highlight of the whole day had to have been our human-mustache hybrid mayor, Ed Lee.  There he was, walking down the middle of Valencia with two or three innocuous bodyguards with his head slightly down and a Giants cap and sunglasses hiding most of his face.  Gavin Newsom, this man is not.  Rather than making the entire event about how he attended the event, Lee generally kept to himself, yet kindly offered to chat with people and crack a wide smile for a photo when approached.  He didn't even seem to give a shit when a bunch of kids holding brown bags and Red Stripes ran up for a photo.

And like every quality Ed Lee photo-op, the scene turned into a high-five party.  Joined by Phil of Philz Coffee and mountain bike pioneer Gary Fisher, the mayoral crew began 'giving skin' to passersby:

Then, sensing an opportunity to be hip, President of the Board David Chiu ran up to the scene like a high school math nerd who was just waved over to the cool kids' lunch table, dolling out slaps, fist bumps, and immediately making the situation kinda awkward.  That's not to say I don't like David Chiu—I'm sure he's a fan-tastic guy—it's just if you're going to throw up your sweaty palms with the mayor, you best bring your A game.

Shortly after the high-five party crash, David Chiu mounted his conference bike, cranked up “Hey Ya!” and rolled down the street while a girl dressed in pink shaggy carpet blowing bubbles acted as sweep.  Gutsy music choice.  On one hand, it's a Top 40 hit safe with families and Noe Valley, but on the other hand, it wasn't Gucci Mane.  We'll give him a pass on this.

Supervisor Avalos was also there, who's apparently trying to ride 'Giants Fever' all the way to the ballot box.  From what I can tell, he really impressed the hulking dude in camo shorts holding a hula-hoop with his vision of San Francisco.

Thankfully, the event wasn't all politicians and awkward high-fives.  For example, this local badass was riding down the street on a bike fashioned to look like a deer.

There were also some dudes that didn't realize Cinco de Mayo was last week.

And some shirtless people practicing yoga amongst broken bottles and hungover people who really didn't need to see this.

This pigeon had a shitty Sunday Streets.

Anndddd… scene.

Free Mother's Day Cards Makes it Easy to Appreciate Mom While Walking to Dolores Park to Get Day Drunk

I realize it's not fully clear what is going on in the above photo because I haven't yet grasped the art of framing a photo, but some kind person at 19th and Guerrero has made every lazy person's job a little easier this Mother's Day by offering up a box full of free, pre-stamped Mother's Day cards.  They even put the stack of cards right next to a mailbox.  All you have to do is remember where your parents live, draw some hearts, and drop it in the bin.  Convenient!

Amazing Shit Everywhere

Just three gems I discovered while trying to take care of shit on the internet today.

1) How to/How not to take passport photos, a pictorial instruction from the Bureau of Consular Affairs. I want to meet both of these people just so I can shake their hands. Also, what if that dude's head and neck just looked like that? Hella racist, passport office.

 

2) Yo, Oxi Fresh has the best company name and a fake phone number. Also, that lady loves her clean carpet!

3) Finally, the California DMV knows you were a total nerd burger in highschool:

 

And so concludes our tour of the glorious internet! Thank you and goodnight! (I know it's 2 pm, I keep odd hours.)

WHERE'S THE PINBALL AT?

While we're on the topic of maps, I'd like to take this chance to remind everyone about this necessary Google Map project some dude named Timothy is running.  He's out there mapping all the pinball machines in SF the eastern half of SF, which is a crucial set of data for assholes like me with washer and dryer in-unit and an excess of quarters.  All the bars are fairly up-to-date with reviews of the machine's condition and cost breakdowns.

Check it.

Things I saw at SXSW

yeah it's been a few days but I had to recover a bit from all the drinking. Somethings I did at Sxsw this year involved throwing a trash can at the audience, smoked brisket tacos, a black eye, lost voice to the point when I yelled it sounded like the death rumble in my throat, throwing a beer at a girl's feet for rocking toe shoes in the club (I mean come the fuck on son!), fried pork sandwiches, starting a pit at OFWGKTA, chilaquiles, stood in lines, threw a dude into the wall for trying to mess with my wife, yelled at bands I liked, yelled along to Hard In the Paint by myself, peeing in some fucking police garden, who knows what else.

The best shit though had to be Trash Talk at the Fader Fort, motherfuckers where not prepared. Fader is probably too scared to ever do that shit again seeing as how they won't post the videos or photos of the performance. People were fucking crying because they didn't know how to deal with a hardcore band in the midst of their bullshit ass afternoon of caring more about free beer day parties than actually listening to fucking music.

anyways here is a list of artists I saw.

  1. Young L & Stunnaman
  2. Erk Tha Jerk
  3. Roach Gigz
  4. Mistah FAB
  5. Freddie Gibbs
  6. Bless & Eso
  7. Big K.R.I.T
  8. Killer Mike
  9. Trae
  10. Trap Them
  11. YOB
  12. Zoroaster
  13. Bird Peterson
  14. Telephoned
  15. Dillion Francis
  16. Surf Club
  17. Rapid Ric
  18. Big Freedia
  19. G-Side
  20. Toy Selectah
  21. Masakari
  22. Trap Them again
  23. All Pigs Must Die
  24. Spark Dawg
  25. B. Bravo
  26. Prison Garde
  27. Salva
  28. Buck 65
  29. DJ Eleven
  30. Lecherous Gaze
  31. Wormrot
  32. Trash Talk 
  33. Brenmar
  34. Starks & Nacey
  35. Toy Selectah
  36. Big K.R.I.T. with a band
  37. OFWGKTA
  38. Katey Red
  39. Vockah Redu

Something Happened in Glen Park

There's not much to Glen Park.  There's an Osha Thai place, but then again, there's an Osha Thai place everywhere.  They have a Corneta Taqueria, but so does the Mission.  I hear coyotes are occasionally spotted the neighborhood park.  I think there's a bar there.

Today there was a rainbow over Glen Park, marking the second time I've ever been motivated to stop what I was doing to take a picture while in the neighborhood.  Five minutes later, it was pouring rain.

An exciting place, no doubt.

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