Whimsical Bullshit

Nice Evening in the Richmond

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Last night I had the particular misfortune of being in the Richmond, which is some neighborhood that isn't the Mission.  Instead of being full of taquerias, dive bars and snarky internet assholes with iPhones, it was populated with Chinese restaurants, Chase banks and people generally aware of their surroundings.  Awful.  Anyway, after sneering at the lack of vegan options at the pizza place I went to, I looked up in the air and realized it was pretty outside.  Lucky for you, I had my trusty 7-year old camera that I still don't know how to operate on me at the time.

Of course, if my grainy photography isn't enough to wet your whistle, here's an HDR shot of Dolores Park, the view from the Presidio, and, the most stunning of all, a shot from the Berkeley Hills.

16th, Valencia Turns Into High-Five Alley

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Almost immediately after the Giants won the Series, I took off toward 16th and Valencia to see what was up back in my neighborhood.  Turned out to be pretty joyous at first: crowds storming 16th and Albion, high-fiving cars, Munis and even firefighters.  Sadly, SFPD took it upon themselves to repeatedly drive through the crowd and demand that everyone return to the sidewalk, which obviously only pissed everyone off.

However, at some point, SFPD recognized the futilities in trying to contain a mob of Giants fan was an incredibly stupid waste of time and took off.  Eventually another crowd gathered in front of Casanova and some drunk kid with dreadlocks dropped the fire escape so everyone could climb up to the roof.

My Day As Zombie Cold Beer! Cold Water!

— By Brizz |

My favorite day in Dolores Park, ever. Went down dressed as Zombie Cold Beer! Cold Water!. For those of you not from San Francisco, “Cold Beer! Cold Water!” is a man who walks around Dolores Park with a cooler bag selling, well, yeah…. cans of PBR (sometimes Simple Times) and water. Here are some photos of him. And while he’s not wearing this outfit in any of those shots, I promise this is pretty damn close to what he wore most days this summer.

I can do a pretty good impression of his call, and he kind of sounds like a zombie anyway, so I went with it. I had my zombie walk on, and set out hollering… over and over and over… “Cold beer! Cold Water!” Some people had no idea what was going on, but most people recognized who I was supposed to be. And THREE different people mistook me for the man himself, all saying something like, “Oh, my god! He dressed up for Halloween!” One man was convinced I stole CBCW’s shirt. Ganja Treats took my photo! I sold twelve beers and four waters (though I gave away like half of them). But where was the OG CBCW?

I got up to leave after a couple hours, carrying my cooler, continuing the zombie walk and yelling his call, when suddenly, I heard him. He was only fifty feet or so away from me. “Cold Beer!” he yelled. “Cold Water!” I responded. People were cracking up, and one woman came running after me demanding I go after him and take a photo. I was on my way out though and having never talked to dude in my life didn’t know if he’d really appreciate my costume and I chickened out. Still, I had a blast. 

Photos by Erin Steach.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Cool Kid Halloween: Crappy Camera Coverage Edition

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Ever wanted to know what a Mission District Halloween looked like through the lens of a 7-year-old camera from Sears?  You're in luck.

“Two Turntables and a Microphone” clearly took home the prize for “most culturally relevant costume.”

In an ocean of delusional people believing wearing a Giants jersey and a beard was a costume, one man knew how to not suck at Halloween.

Ordinarily a Jesus holding an 18 of Tecate is not noteworthy, but this cool kid was walking down Mission Street barefoot.

A giant burrito strapped to a messenger bag?

Best UPS driver costume I saw all night.

Lady Gaga riding a demon horse-bike.

FInally, I'll leave you with a snap of a horse making sweet, sweet love with a zombie.  Time to start counting down the days to Santacon.

Now You Can Be Frank Chu

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

This life-size, headless cardboard Frank Chu was recently spotted at Google's SF offices, allowing bored engineers to photograph themselves as a homeless man infinitely more famous than they are.  Also of note, Chu's sign indicates that when Google is bored, Google googles itself.

I feel like there has to be a Bing joke somewhere in there…

(photo by kkr)

I LOVE WINE

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Scott Cox recently uploaded a whole mess of shots of mobile murals around The City.  While this Park Merced truck was easily my favorite of the lot, his pic of a guy selling pumpkins out of a back on Harrison was truly the masterpiece of the collection.  It is one of those rare scenes that actually make the city look like it has a New England autumn, even if the illusion was entirely created by “urban blight” and a half dozen or so fruits.  (link)

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