— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Calm, cool and collected business casual giraffe has completed her interview skills workshop and is excited to speak with you about employment opportunities and how she may contribute to your team by reaching for the top shelf of the supply closet.
As seen on Valencia, next to some high-priced green restaurant.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Maddie the Coonhound, the tumblr celebrity dog famous for precariously standing on things and being rebuffed by Good Morning America, recently turned up to Homestead to stand on fixies and ward off bike thieves. And, we have to admit, the thought of adopting a mutt to guard our rides never occurred to us before. Not only do they come in a variety of colors to match your frame, they become more effective the less you feed them. Plus? So photogenic.
Look out for our Kickstarter in the coming weeks, the funds of which we'll use to test a variety of things, like 1) are they bolt cutter resistant? and 2) where does the poop go?
— By @BuffBro |
I'm going to preface this by stating emphatically that I'm not normally a fan of Boston Terriers. They have weird eyes, make rude fucked-up snortle sounds, and are too hyper.
Ollie is a bit of an exception. First of all, Ollie lives up to his name, little motherfucker can jump super high. In the pic above he got hella vert before snatching up that plastic shrimp thing. But also Ollie was fine to just chill out. Normally the intensity of a dog is inversely proportional to it's size, sort of a Boyle's Law of Thermodognamics. This guy was willing to ease off a bit though, which is a good quality, you don't want a dog who is just going to nag you constantly, you want a dogbro.
Final Verdict: A+++ Would Pet Again
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
The fine-looking badass pictured above is Daniel Quagliozzi, founder of the Mission's hottest cat behavior start-up Go, Cat, Go!:
Are you experiencing a cat crisis? Is your resident feline making you frantic? Solving your crisis is my mission. I can restore peace of mind to your home and help you rebuild your friendship with your feline friends. When your kitty is thinking outside the box, it’s time to call Go, Cat, Go!
Cats have a language all their own and it takes a patient and compassionate approach to unravel the message. I’ll help you see the world through your cat’s eyes, giving you the insight needed to decipher the message.
That's right, when your cat flips its shit and starts acting like a 2-year-old child, Daniel will come on in, set your cat's mind right, and give it a spider web tattoo when he's all done. And with a 10-year track record at the SF SPCA, you can be sure he know's what he's doing.
— By Zach Perkins |
Bernalwood just broke a story that's sure to be 'big news' for Bay Area crazies.
But, really, it’s true! Bigfoot WAS spotted today on Bernal Hill, and Neighbor Frank was there with a camera to capture the wild beast on camera.
…Neighbor Frank writes:
My wife and I were walking around the top of the hill just before noon today and spotted Bigfoot, or something like that, running up the hill near the top of Rosenkranz Street.
We thought that maybe Bernalwood was Bigfoot’s new habitat, but in the heat, Bigfoot removed his head and looked more like a person in a costume, surrounded by two photographers.
This is either an awesome prank with a homemade ghillie suit, or 'Neighbor Frank' stumbled upon the principle photography for a Zodiac re-boot about a disgruntled Marine Corps sniper who finds out the prolific serial killer was his biological father.
Bernalwood post: “BIGFOOT SIGHTING ON BERNAL HILL!! (FINALLY!!)”
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Frutilandia, that Puerto Rican joint on 24th that I always think is a nail salon, tore down their signage to expose this forgotten wonder. And maybe I'm alone on this one, but gazing into that dumb frog's dazed eyes has me unexpectedly itching to try their dinner.
— By @BuffBro |
People seem to shy away from big dogs but you know what? These people are assholes. Big dogs can be great when they have a good disposition. Take Fletcher here - a German Shep, big dog to be sure, but do you see a kinder more well behaved dog on the Panhandle?
Nope, sorry - your Bichon is a total piece of shit and your Australian Shepherd is nice but a total spaz (let's be honest).
In other news, there was a lot of fireworks up on the Panhandle, which was pretty awesome to see, but why the hell can't we buy any real goddamn fireworks up here? We have to have a connection in Chinatown to get any bottle rockets, or make the trip to Nevada to get anything more powerful than oversized sparklers. Maybe banning cool fireworks and delicious goose livers is all part of the plan for Nevada's tourism lobby? Either way, if you want to buy some good foie gras I know a guy in Chinatown with the good stuff.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
With Adobe Book set to close down at the end of August, everyone has been busy mourning the loss of yet another community book store and event space—a major bummer, indeed. But I can't help but be even more concerned about Lone Star Swan (real name John Ratliff) and the flock of pigeons that follow him.
The old Clarion Alley mural dedicated to John. (Photo/Pete Veilleux)
Chuck Moody sums up Lone Star Swan's tale:
He told me he used to be a reporter for the Associated Press. He has been a resident of the 16th and Valencia area for at least 20 years, I first met him in 1987. He writes very bizarre, rambling typewritten and xeroxed 'newsletters' which he hands out to everyone, donate what you will. He feeds the pigeons, mice and all creatures. He is a gentle soul but is not always there in the present moment. He ties magnets into the headband that he always wears. The kind folks at Adobe Bookshop on 16th and Valencia allow him to come in and use the typewriter, and have known him since they opened their store in about 1987.
With Adobe Books closing, presumably the new tenants won't be quite so friendly towards a homeless, schizophrenic poet hanging outside the shop and feeding hundreds of pigeons—never mind offering up a place to come in and write. So what will become of John and his flock? We're not sure, but we imagine one of the Mission's staple characters won't be calling that block home for much longer.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
As you may remember, a herd of motor ponies was spotted a Sunday Streets a month ago. Turns out this wasn't a fluke Burning Man art hellhorse test drive, but rather the realization of Mission Pony's quest to “bring horses back to the Mission District”:
Not so long ago, El Camino Real — the Mission Trail — brought people to San Francisco on horses.
Mission Pony aims to help people relive those olden days in a thoroughly modern — and totally fun — way.
Their thoroughly awesome website says they are in the midst of “building and plotting,” so I guess we can expect more of these beasts to hit the streets soon.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Simple!