Pets & Animals

Hippie's Bite Worse Than Dog's Bark

KRON's resident voice actor and all around wonderful human hater Stanley Roberts received his inevitable assault this week.  However, it wasn't from his vilified rabble-rousing Wiggle cyclists, but instead from a crusty pair of dreaded Telegraph Ave. gutterpunks.

After they harassed him for a few minutes during the filming of one of his beloved and helium-pitched “People Behaving Badly” segments, one of them attacked him from behind. From the Oakland Tribune:

“I never saw it coming,” he said.

When the first man attacked, Roberts said he turned around, grabbed him by the throat and pushed him up against a wall, telling him to not touch him before he let him go. Roberts then said he tried to walk away but that the men followed him and attacked again.

Sleeping Bear” Stanley Roberts then woke up from hibernation and fought back, but the resulting brawl left $6,000 in equipment broken, his press pass stolen, and his back sprained.  The condition of the dog is not known at this time.

And, of course, this isn't the first time a subject of his creepshot journalism lashed out at the noted vlogger, as old school fans will recall this rather brilliant verbal assault from 2011:

(Thanks Patrick and Amanda for the tips!)

Miserable Band Dude/Cat Owner Seeks Roommate With Moderate Income

Sure, this sounds like the makings of a ~tOtAlLY zAnY~ A&E reality show reboot, but this is probably cheapest room listed in neighborhood since we gave away tax breaks to companies with animal logos. no Joke.

(Thanks Nicole!)

Neighbor Seeks to Block Dolores Park Renovations—Because of Childhood Obesity

Despite the park's praised reputation as a boundless off-leash dog park and enhanced adult recreation emporium, a lone neighbor wants to further delay Dolores Park's already drawn-out renovation project.  For The Children.

According to an appeal filed last week by Dr. Claudia Praetel, the planned two off-leash dog play areas “are by no means acceptable to many families with school-aged children who are using this park.”  She elaborates:

Serious concern for loss of open space for children: Dolores Park is adjacent to 2 schools and has more than 8 other schools near by - desperate need for open space for children to run and play in order to stem childhood obesity pandemic.

The Mission has a very high to higher density of children aged 6-12 per net acre, a large park with open space is paramount to their healthy development in an inner city setting, were other parks may not be accessible to them.

That's right, with dozens of pugs let loose across the park, our so-called future won't have space to beat back their looming rotundity.  The only way to spare their waistlines is to hold up the entire park renovation.

Or, at least, that's the claim.

The appeal is willfully oblivious to the park's current popularity—as if blocking the renovation and a second “legal” off-leash dog area with it will magically disperse the hundreds of adultish people littered about daily.  But even so, no matter how wildly absurd the protest is, the city has to take it seriously.

“Unfortunately, right before the deadline, an appeal was filed of the Mitigated Negative Declaration for the Dolores Park project,” a legislative aide to Supervisor Wiener wrote Friday. “This triggers a hearing at the Planning Commission and could delay consideration of the project by the Recreation and Parks Commission.  A further appeal is then possible to the Board of Supervisors.”

What's even worse is this loner appellant could effectively derail the community-driven consensus redesign process; one that involved dozens—if not hundreds—of park users over the course of two years, specifically to avoid leaving anyone out.

“Did we not have an exhaustive community process to try and settle this? Now 'a concerned citizen' will hold up the much needed and truly vetted Dolores Park renovation,” Robert Burst, co-founder of Dolores Park Works, told us.

“This is not democracy, it's harassment.”

Below, the entirety of the appeal's text, for your amusement and grief:

[Photo by Niall Kennedy]

Hunters & Gathers, a New Paleo-Themed Bar and Grill From FSC Barber

A tipster writes in with the news:

FYI it seems the folks from FSC Barber bought the old [Groger's Western Store] building on 25th and Valencia and plan to turn it into a paleolithic bar or something. They're calling it “Hunters & Gathers.”  If you head over there quickly, you might be able to catch em. They're dropping off some reclaimed sheetrock and dusty taxidermy now.

We sprinted over and got the word.  According to the dapper and generously mustached man we spoke to, they're hoping to recreate the survivalist dinning experience, with wild plants and animals “routinely stocked” throughout the restaurant.  Patrons will be given a quick crash course on safely foraging for edibles by the door guy before being handed a machete, wicker basket, and loaner tweed sport coat and told to “go catch some dinner!”

“This is about moving past the boring, safe fusion food we've dealt with all our life and doing something rugged and masculine and real,” he added before sitting down to eat a quiche from Tartine.

They will be converting the parking lot behind the bar into a wood-fire rotisserie, gutting station, and small-batch beer garden, allowing customers to oversee their dinner's entire preperation and engage in forced, banal banter with the cooks.

FSC also plans to sell American Apparel t-shirts printed with the bar's logo for only $55.

Good Donkey of the Week: Jeremy the Donkey

Why was there an adorable and fairly bummed out-looking donkey hanging out on a Mission street corner yesterday?  He was in town for Rock Bar's 1st birthday party, of course!

Fortunately for all us who missed the donkey show, Lindsey was on the scene to get his story:

His name is Jeremy, 25 years old, came from 30 miles west of Yosemite.  Can't tell ya much about the event though cause I just went for the ass.

Hopefully someone gave that poor lil' guy a Xanax.

A Cat's Map of San Francisco Coincidentally Looks Like the Human Map of San Francisco

Cats!  They're fussy and lazy and snobby eaters and arbitrarily hate people and often killed by aloof motorists.  That's to say, they're just like us (but four-legged and more or less annoying, depending on the cat).  And further strengthening this point is Wendy MacNaughton's brilliant new map, San Francisco As Seen By A Cat, As Imagined By A Cat Owner.

Yes, it's a map of how cats interact with our city.  But really, take any Joe Schmoe Mission District human inhabitant, force them to get around on Muni, and this is basically their life.  Food on Valencia, homeless camps in the southeast corner of the neighborhood, loud kids and small dogs in Bernal, and a host of risk and terror anywhere outside the neighborhood.  Plus, Dolores Park is pretty much where everyone goes to reunite their wayward and feral friends.

UPDATE: Wendy just dropped us a note, altering us that this map is apart of her and her partner Caroline's new book, Lost Cat: A True Story of Love, Desperation and GPS Technology.  The short of it is their fine cat took a 5 week long vacation in the streets of San Francisco, and through GPS technology, they were able to “stalk” it until their eventual rejoining (or, as Wendy more concisely puts it, “It's all about technology, cats and SF. Yes, seriously.”)

It comes out April 9th, complete with a launch at The Booksmith that night!

[Wendy MacNaughton]

Good Dog of the Week: Bulldog Bros


Just look at these little guys.  They look like they sneak out at night, put on little police caps and solve crimes riding around in an adorable tiny police cruiser.  The Chief doesn't like it but well… there's no rule on the books that says a dog can't be a police officer!


Maybe they already made that show?