Eats and Beers

Escape From New York Pizza, The Club

— By Zach Perkins |

After the security guards graciously informed me that “Sir, you're standing in the middle of the street,” they went on to tell me that this was in fact an open and operating Escape From New York Pizza during the day.

Seriously? Just how fucking big is it in there??  As crackin as the scene may have been, I didn't pay the cover to find out.

And so I invite you, dear readers, to caption this photo.  Here are a few to start you off.

 a.) Two topping minimum.

b.) Cover costs more than a slice.

c.) Greasiest stripper poles on the West Coast.

d.) (…fill in the blank with your comment…)

 a.) Two topping minimum.

b.) Cover costs more than a slice.

c.) Greasiest stripper poles on the West Coast.

d.) (…fill in the blank with your comment…)

Do Mission Bars Need Their Own iPhone App?

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I'm not 100% sure why this app exists with Yelp and what not, but if you're new to town or bad at filtering out the noise, someone made an app “Mission Bars.”  Because I don't understand iTunes, I cannot give you a link to the app.  Anyways, there are so many bars off the list, perhaps it is just editorializing which are the best?  Mission Bar, Make-Out Room, The Attic, Clooney's (the bar of 2010), Dovre Club, Zeitgeist (not that they need to be put on any more lists), El Trebol, the JayN' Bee Club and many others are all off the list.

That said, the brief descriptions of each bar are generally honest.  Unlikely everyone who denies Doc's Clock is a North Beach/Marina bar, they call out the obvious.  Oddly enough, they don't mention that Delirium is a coke bar.  Shrug.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Free Donuts on National Donut Day... except in San Francisco?

— By Kristen Haney |

 

Today is National Donut (or Doughnut, if you're fancy) Day, which wouldn't be all that exciting since almost every single day of the year honors some kind of food, but I got excited because Krispy Kreme and Dunkin' Donuts are getting in on the action! Krispy Kreme is giving out free donuts (buyer's choice!) at participating locations, which was great when I thought I remembered a Krispy Kreme at Pier 39 from childhood field trips, and sad when I looked at their site and they said the nearest location was in Daly City—1575 Sullivan Ave., to be exact. Dunkin' Donuts is requiring a little more monetary effort on your part, and will only let you wrench a free donut from their grasp once you cough over enough for an iced coffee. I thought surely, there had to be a Dunkin' in SF but nada! zilch! America may “run on Dunkin,” but apparently San Francisco only runs on over-priced brunches, fog, and a loathing for public transportation. What gives with the lack of donut chains in SF? Are independent donut purveyors slanging out free deliciousness? Dynamo at least acknowledges the holiday, but doesn't seem to be jumping on the free donut express. If you know of anywhere spreading their sugary fried holes of love fo' free, holler in the comments section.

If the City Really Cared About the Environment / Cleaning Up Dolores Park, They Wouldn't Make You Brown Bag It

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Last night a few of us wanted to get faded walking the length of Divis and decided that was a job properly handled by tallcans.  Of course, the packie was already out of properly sized bags so we had to use fullsize bags.  For fucksake, this is just ridiculous.  Look, I know we're protecting little children who only know Budweiser as “the thing daddy drinks before he hits mommy” and all, but is this really necessary.

  1. People are I am clearly going to drink in public regardless of whatever law you pass.
  2. It's an inexplicably useless waste of paper.
  3. Half the trash tumbleweeds in Dolores Park are brownbags that the recyclers toss to the ground after picking up peoples half-full beers. (Sorry to bring up the EVER PRESSING CONCERN of Dolores Park but this shit is lifeblood)

Anyways, since clearly a blog post isn't going to save the world, I thank you for listening to my rant.

Weird Fish Brings Back Most of Their Old Menu

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I love that Bender's is trying to bring back the seitan but, honestly, I just miss the deep fried seitan of pre-2010.  Well, Weird Fish figured out that people hated their new menu and almost completely reverted.  Waco Tacos, Buffalo Girls, Seitan Fish n' Chips and sweet potato fries.  FUCK YES.  I was so excited, I ate 4.5 burritos / 13 PBRs / 2 track bike chains worth of food.  WORTH IT.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Pop's is Having an Identity Crisis

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

A month or so ago, Pop's ditched their amazing 90s-era television for a flat screen.  That was sacrilegious, but I was willing to deal with it because it's the only bar in the Mission you can drink Jager unironically.  But this?  No more awesome posters.  No more Burt Reynolds.  No more vintage Bud Light boxes.  No NOTHING.  Just a bunch of ugly ass, plain, graffiti-free red walls.  Rumor even has it that TRINA is leaving the jukebox.

Pop's is one of my favorite bars in the world because they proudly display who has been 86ed from the joint:

  1. Jesse was booted for repeatedly starting fights and throwing pint glasses in guy's faces.
  2. Another bro for exposing his genitals to “yuppies” and pissing in the corner behind the pinball machine.
  3. Another girl for throwing a pint glass through the front window.

Pop's is one of the only bars in the Mission where you can get molested for not looking cool.  Pop's is one of the only bars in the Mission where the women are more likely to hurt you then the bros.  Pop's is one of the only bars in the Mission with slam-dunk competitions.

Has Pop's peaked?  Is this an end of an era?  Will Pop's lameout and start hosting art shows in favor of shitty posters?

Don't go anywhere, Pop's.  We loved you the way it was.

Smooches <3,
-Monty

P.S. - Get rid of the Valley Girl soundtrack.  Fuck that garbage.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Pabst Brewing sold for $250 million

— By Zach Perkins |

 

(photo ripped off from Plan 59)

Ok my real boss (not KevMo) is quite literally throwing shit at me right now, so I gotta make this quick.  Here's a few key points I picked up on while skimming this article (WHAT THE FUCK AM I, A JOURNALIST?!) 

  1. For the last 5 or so years, PBR has been owned by a dead guy.
  2. Pabst Brewing is the country's 5th largest beer supplier (2.7% of total market share).
  3. Pabst is a “virtual brewer,” owning the brand name.  The product is brewed under contract by MillerCoors LLC.
  4. Pabst Brewing also owns the brand rights to Schlitz, Lone Star, and Colt 45. 
  5. The new owner, C. Dean Metropoulos (I'D LIKE TO CHANGE MY LAST NAME TO THIS PLZ) is expected to put his 29 and 26 year old sons in key positions in the company.  An attempt to maintain PBR's young and hip brand integrity?  

Do you think that PBR will undergo a shift in brand identity now that it's owned by a man who made his fortune managing brands like Chef Boyardee, Duncan Hines, Bumble Bee Tuna, and (S.F. SPOILER ALERT) Ghiradelli Chocolates?  Will PBR go (even more) mainstream?  Feel free to hate. 

No Meat, No Milk, NO LIMITS

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

“…but when it comes to animal abuse, the 27-year-old Danzig—who is vegan—takes no prisoners.” via PETA

“…but when it comes to animal abuse, the 27-year-old Danzig—who is vegan—takes no prisoners.” via PETA

I was just reading the Sunday Chronicle to find out what hip trends I could jump onto and it turns out that veganism is now cool!  Who knew!  I always thought I was rebelling against society by living in the Mission and giving Tyson Chicken the big fuck you.  Turns out I'm just another trend follower making the world “less scary now” for people with actual convictions.

Anyways, be sure to check out the full article for some hilarious SFgate comments and recipes that sound delicious.  “Peppered Portobello Mushroom Sandwich With Caper Aioli, Caramelized Fennel & Onion.”  Shit, I don't even know what half of those worlds mean.  It must be good.

(link, via Grubstreet)

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