Eats and Beers

Cool Kid Causes: Alcoholics for Music Education

— By Zach Perkins |

Every child deserves a crack at the cliche “one time at band camp” line.  But for those of us who went to public schools, we know all to well that music and arts programs are always the first to get cut when the district's budget runs dry.  

But there's one thing that never seems to run dry around here: ALCOHOL.  The good folks at Education Through Music - Bay Area, knowing that San Francisco's most renewable resource may very well be its insatiable appetite for booze, have assembled a crack team of ETM Young Associates (we're talking 21+ volunteers, not Elementary School Kids as hilarious as that would be) to guest bartend at Elixir tonight.

From 9pm to 2am tonight, you can harass some people I know while they feebly try to apply white-collar job skills to bartending (with the best intentions).  Be sure to give the asian one extra shit (and tips) because she thinks she's too cool for SF and plans to move later this week.  Feel free to tell her that I sent you.

Facebook event thingy is here.

Ken Ken Can't Can't

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I was walking by 22nd and Capp around 6 o'clock and noticed that there was a pop-up ramen restaurant in the normally abandoned Panchitas #3.  By 6:30, there was a line out the door for Ken Ken Ramen's $11 bowl of soup.  Seeing the line, I was totally pumped to check out what all these fools were standing in line for.  At 7:15, I jumped in line with my roommates to get a taste of ramen that costs 44 times the price of Top Ramen.  After 45 minutes of waiting patiently, tragedy struck: the WASPy individual who was set to serve me authy Japanese food walked out into the line to inform us that they were “out of food.”

Preteen girls who run lemonade stands are more apt to run a business than this dude.  This individual, who I will not call a Rice Queen, was literally so clueless about how to run a business, he didn't have a waitlist for seating, he had no idea about how many people he could serve and he was under the delusion that “this is our first time” (the opened last Monday).  Customers who waited 45 minutes in line were turned away with nary a condolence.  To piss in our freshly opened wounds, they tweeted 45 minutes later to boast about their last two bowls served.

Cold, hungry, empty handed and miffed, we rolled to Cha-Ya, a restaurant that actually can serve people soup, for a delicious bowl of Udon:

Note: not Ken Ken.

Long story short, just ignore Ken Ken Ramen, just like they ignore their customers.

The SF Half Marathon: 13 Beers in 13 Miles

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

My personal hero, Exercising While Intoxicated, just ran the SF half marathon while drinking a beer every mile, finishing in an earth-shattering 5hr, 7min:

Several of you told me that I was “going to die” if I drank 13 beers while running the San Francisco Half Marathon. I did not die.

I puked three times, blacked out for miles 11 and 12, and needed five hours to finish. This is my story.

Read on.

Are There Too Many SF Food Blogs?

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

7x7 actually published a piece I liked last week talking about the absurd amount of foodie coverage in the SF bloggernets.  I couldn't agree more.  Take today's BREAKING NEWS:

  1. Sunday at 3:54pm, Mission Mission mentions that Arinell pizza is now open until 3am on weekends.  Recognizing the relative unimportance of this news, Andrew labels it “breaking news.”
  2. 5:14pm - Mission Loc@l covers the story in “Today's Mission.”
  3. Monday 9:30 AM - Eater SF runs the story as a headline.
  4. 2:45pm - SFist runs the story as a headline.

This isn't even counting sites like 7x7, SFoodie, Urban Daddy, Inside Scoop or any of the other countless sites in the SF blogging echo chamber that I don't read anymore due to redundancy.  And, of course, this was really the most trivial of all SF dining news (if you really want to look at the absurd, look at the blogger circle jerk regarding Mission Chinese Food).

So, dearest Uptown Almanac readers, please ignore the irony of reblogging 7x7 and tell me:

  1. Are there too many SF blogs? Alright, we already know the answer to this one.
  2. Is #Team_UppyAlmy doing a good job of avoiding the blogger circle jerk?
  3. Do we post  too much street art?
  4. Do you want to see more news/BREAKING FOOD coverage?
  5. Should we just abandon the SF blogging ship and let people who live in Ann Arbor blog about the Mission?
  6. Should we start writing about cool kid culture/technology/the flickrnets in general and abandon our regional focus?
  7. Are hyperlocal blogs dead?

The Latest Innovation in Dolores Park Commerce

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Dolores Park was pretty dead yesterday—the tide receding before the tsunami of out-of-towners hits this afternoon.  However, the lack of crowds didn't make our park economy slow down.  For example, newcomer “Alcohol in a Baby Stroller” dude was on the scene, hawking what is sure to be one of the sketchier things sold in the park.

The Mission Community Market is Awesome!

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Based on earlier trials of the Mission Community Market, I was worried that it was going to be more of a neighborhood freakshow than a farmer's market.  Well, guess what people? It's an excellent balance of both! Lots of veggies, fruits (get the 2 for $6 organic strawberries!), papusas and trannies dancing to horn instruments.  Unfortunately, the exorbitant prices at the MCM will never make this market a reasonable substitute for the Civic Center farmer's market, but at least I can roll out of bed at 4pm on a Thursday afternoon and drag my ass over to 22nd and Barlett and get veggies.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

4 Loko Enlists Local News Station for Youth Ad Campaign

— By Zach Perkins |

No, not really.  But when a field reporter's opening line is “…Cops and kids say just one can of 4 Loko can make you do some crazy things…” you have to wonder what the hell the producer was thinking when they approved the script.  

However sensationalized and fear based News 12's coverage may be ('NIMBY WATCH: FOUR LOKO NAZI RAPE JUICE NOW EVERYWHERE; WILL FIND YOUR KIDS AND SODOMIZE THEM; MORE AT ELEVEN'), I'd say that the statements made in this segment are fairly accurate.  After downing a whole can myself in a span of 20 or 30 minutes I was in fact “way gone”, as underage diabetic lame-o Morgan Rowland so aptly puts it.

Rowland seems like the ideal candidate to be a spokesman for anti-alcohol watchdog group, Marin Institute, who in August of last year issued a video 'warning' concerning Joose and 4 Loko.  Their anti-Loko campaign doesn't seem to have had the intended effect.  Loko is more popular than ever, and since the video was produced Loko's alcohol content seems to have risen from 11 to 12% (Thanks Marin Institute!)

I wonder what these San Rafael based NIMLS (Not In My Liquor Store) would think of the News 12 segment. Personally, every time I watch it makes me want go down the street to the 24 Hour Market (open Monday through Saturday, 11am to 2am) to cop me a cranberry lemonade and get Loko'd.  

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Mission Community Market to Feature Photo Opportunities!

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

The Uptown Almanac inbox was set ablaze this morning with hot information that at THIS THURSDAY'S Mission Community Market will feature Photo Opportunities!  Thank God.  But seriously, you've already heard about this Market from the 500 other San Francisco virgins with keyboards, so I'll just cut to the chase and highlight what will be there tomorrow:

  • Deliciously prepared foods from La Cocina and the Mission Market
  • Fresh produce from farms such as Blue House, Tomatero, Twin Girls, Hidden Star and Organic Pastures
  • Collaborative youth mural project led by Chris Treggiari of Root Division Arts Collective. Youth from YMCA Mission Girls and the Mission Beacon will be in attendance. All are invited.
  • Activities and play space hosted by the Mission Beacon and the Dolores Community Youth Alliance
  • Live Music from Porto Franco records
  • Capoeria from Abada Capoeira
  • Crafts and artisans from the Women’s Initiative and MiSBA
  • Health resources and information from CARECEN, Rec and Parks, Shape Up SF


Sounds like they'll actually have fresh food there, which is basically the only thing I care about because biking 7 blocks to Rainbow is hard.  Can't wait!

Thursdays 4pm-8pm.  22nd and Bartlett.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Hipster Emergency: PBR Goes Upscale

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Today I bring you exciting news from the Orient:

Everyone's favorite American Shit Beer lager is now being exported to China in a fancy new glass bottle under a new name, “Pabst Blue Ribbon 1844.”  According to Danwei, an advertisement in the business magazine Window of the South reads:

It's not just Scotch that's put into wooden casks. There's also Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer 1844

Many world-famous spirits
Are matured in precious wooden casks
Scotch whisky, French brandy, Bordeaux wine…
They all spend long days inside wooden casks

[cut]

It's truly a treasure among beers

So, how much does one rebranded, Scotch-like pee-burrr cost you?  $44 U.S. dollars.  Seems like a lot of money, especially considering when I was in China in December, a 32oz of PBR was $0.07 USD.  Coolster legitimacy ruined.

(Danwai, via The New Yorker.  Thanks for the tip, anonymous reader!)

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

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