Eats and Beers

Grand Opening for Grand Coffee on Mission

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Peep this: a new coffee shop just opened up on Mission between 22nd and 23rd.  Normally this wouldn't be notable, but the inside of this place is straight-up badass.  The owner took the old Grand Theater's concession stand and turned it into a small coffee kiosk.  He also reclaimed some redwood floors and used them to cover up all the conduit, ensuring that Grand Coffee will be a hit with the flickrnets.  No real seating in this place, but they serve reasonably priced Ritual Four Barrel and should have tea starting next week.

Go feed your addiction, people.

Tall Can Marathon 3

— By Serg |

Because the post will flood the front page of this site you can go here to read the whole thing but basically I took over Kevmo's living space and ran a drinking competition that had plenty of regret, 23 different beers, one winner, a trophy, a megaphone, head injuries, couple of pukers and who the fuck knows what else. For the 3rd year in a row the winner took the title with 13 cans. Don't tell me you can drink more than 13 because you drank an 18 of Busch once. One of the key rules of the competition is that you can't drink the same beer twice and unless you've actually drank 13 different tall cans before you really don't have a fucking clue what happens when that wave of drunk crushes your dreams. You will consume everything from stouts to lagers to malt liquor within a 6-8hour period, depends on when we actually get started.  Every time I do this I see over confident people just crash and burn around can 10, if you get to twelve you've got my respect.

The highest scored beer was Belhaven's Scottish ale, averaging 16.333 out of 20. Steel Reserve scored the lowest with an average of 5. Old English won for highest rated malt liquor.

Oh and the tecates pictured above are spectator beer, tall cans were reserved for those who believe in themselves.

this pasty guy is the current Tall Can Marathon Grand Champion title holder

Second Humphry Slocombe Headed For 20th St.

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

This news is a little stale, but Inside Scoop reports that Humphry Slocombe is opening a second location on 20th and Florida.  PEOPLE, THAT'S TWO TIMES THE SEMI-NAKED CRAZY WOMEN IN THE MISSION.  But check it, they are calling the new venture “The Parlour by Humphry Slocombe,” which just reminds me of aggrandizing fashion bands like “Marc by Marc Jacobs,” but let's move on.  The new venture will be both a cafe and ice cream parlor:

The sequel to Humphry Slocombe will be called “The Parlour by Humphry Slocombe.” Unlike the original, it will be a bakery and cafe, though there will be plenty of ice cream too (naturally!). Jake Godby will be doing modern interpretations of American classics — think: the Duck Fat Pecan Pie — and it will be open throughout the day, early and late. Beverages will encompass everything from coffee to beer to wine.

Anyway, I think it was a smashing idea to get a beer and wine permit because I'd have to be REAL DRUNK to eat “Duck Fat Pecan Pie” or whatever pastry they decide to flavor balsamic vinaigrette.  Can't wait!

(More details at Inside Scoop)

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Patio Party

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Our pal Matt Baume just finished up a piece for the Bay Area Reporter's BAR TAB about the best places to drink outside this side of Twin Peaks.  It may be a little gay themed, but it's still one of the more comprehensive lists I've seen.  For example, let me admit to you all that I had NO IDEA the Pilsner Inn had a patio, but that's probably because I never go outside a 4-block radius of my house.  Whatever, it's true!  Also, Matt claims Zeitgeist is a “a gayish bar.”  Let the flame war begin… (link)

(photo by Timo Arnall)

Cool Kid Vomit: Fourmosas

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

While Jane didn't post the recipe, I suspect I have it:

  1. Half glass of Four Loko (any flavor)
  2. Half glass of Andre “Sparkling Wine”
  3. 7 tablespoons of sugar

Anyway, just looking at these caused a pile of Frosted Flakes and stomach acid to mysteriously appear on my desk.  Can't wait to try 'em myself!

(link)

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Honey, I Shrunk The Steelworker

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Seems like everyone on Valencia St. already knows about the PBR brand, but we're getting a new mural anyway.  Maybe it's a cross promotion with Ben Davis?  New York City?  Whatever, I dig how this appeals to the industrious, hard-working, blue-collar Mission cool kids.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Ike's Place GOING TO COURT

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

In the event you've been living under a rock (or don't read food blogs), the San Francisco bloggernets have been going NUTS over the news that Ike's might be EVICTED (via sue-happy NIMBY neighbors).  I feel like this is San Francisco's OJ Simpson Trial.  If the food bloggers were the jurors, Ike's would get off, bloody baguette and all.  But in reality, the neighbors have some legitimate claims.  The line is insane and I'm sure it is annoying having polite white people eating sandwiches on your stoop.  To me, it seems ridiculous Ike's hasn't moved to a more appropriate location.  I've never even gone to Ike's and have no intention of doing so because, fuck it, my time is better spent just getting a delicious veggie BBQ “chicken” sandwich at Rhea's and going to the park then hanging out with tourists in a two hour line.  But just because locals seem turned off by the line doesn't mean the business is evil.  The idea of suing Ike's out of business just because the line annoys you gives me the willies.  Hopefully the court is reasonable and Ike can move to a more appropriate location on his own schedule, not a government-mandated one.

On a lighter note, be sure to read the comments on Vegansaurus about the matter.  Vegansaurus commenters are my favorite SF commenters because they are the boil on the ass of veganism.  In this case, they want to crucify poor Ike on a cross of gluten-free soy because he “kills a lot of animals.”  You know, because people trying to cater to vegans, even a little bit, are bad people.  These tools are the reason Mission Burger stopped serving their BOMB-ASS VEGAN BURGER and why most omnivores don't want to kiss veggie boys and girls.  Tears.  (link)

(photo by Charles  Haynes)

"Forget Flowerpower, it's Happy Hour!"

— By Jenny Wilson |

                                        

 

Fuck this shitty weather, bundle up and get Mappy! Mappyhour is an interactive site that maps out all of the happy hours in your hood. You can rate bars, split-screen chat?, find new places that other users enjoy, and in the future the site promises to boast a bar crawl planner! Currently, the site has over 45,000 locations in its data base and counting. That's a whole lotta mappy.

Update: Rats in the Tokyo Go-Go Building

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Following our post about rats at Tokyo Go-Go, we received an email from Tokyo's Sushi Boss, Kevin:

Subject: not cool…

hey. who ever is in charge of this blog please take off whatever that rat thing is about. there has never been an incident of rat problems here inside of tokyo go go. never been any reports. so i dont know what this guy is talking about. if you have any questions please give me a call.

Accepting that maybe we didn't do enough research on this, we pulled out the “pic or it didn't happen” card on Generic.  As you can see, it was no lie:

Here’s today’s offering in infestation. Not yesterday’s, mind you, not the day before’s, but today’s. I kind of threw up a bit in my mouth taking this picture.

…

ALSO: KevMo at Uptown Almanac blogged my plight. Apparently he got an email from the owner of Tokyo Go-Go who was, um, irate. So I gave him a call, left a message, then he called me back. What follows is a dramatic recreation of the conversation and is in no way a verbatim transcript:

(ring-ring)

generic: This is generic.

Sushi Boss: Hi, this is Sushi Boss.

generic: Oh. Hi.

Sushi Boss: Look, I’m really sorry this is happening to you, but you’re kind of screwing my business by telling everyone our restaurant is infested.

generic: That’s not what I wrote.

Sushi Boss: You said there are rats in my restaurant.

generic: Re-read the blog post. I said there are rats in the building. Know why I said that?

Sushi Boss: Why?

generic: Cause there are rats in the building. I live in the building; I have rats, ergo… And it’s been a longstanding problem, for several months, before I even moved in.

Sushi Boss: I guess I should talk to the landlord about fixing this.

generic: I guess you should.

Generic goes on to mention he feels bad to the guy at Tokyo.  In spite of the fact there clearly are rats in the building, there is no evidence to suggest the restaurant is plagued (although it seems doubtful there wouldn't be rats).  I talked with another friend that used to live on 16th and Albion and she says “there are rats all over that part of the Mission.  I saw rats on a nightly basis behind my house feasting on the neighboring restaurant's trash.  Not the small rats either, these were the big kind.”

This basically sums up what everyone should already know: 16th St. is pretty disgusting and if a little bit of dirt in your food bothers you, you shouldn't eat around there..

Be sure to check out Generic's entire followup.  Especially if you want to know how to kill rats.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Tokyo Go-Go: Full of Rats

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

UPDATE: Follow-up with pics.

Why is Generic moving out of his 'sick pad' above 16th Street's Tokyo Go-Go?  Because he hates animals:

“So what was the problem?”

Rats.

“Like, actual rats?”

Actual, non-figurative vermin were in my room and all throughout the building. I could hear and see them. Fun fact: hearing them is worse—especially at night. When they fight, they make a high-pitched squealing noise that makes your skin crawl. The cliche about women jumping up on chairs? I’m not making fun of that anymore. (I didn’t say I do it, just that I’m not making fun of it.) Rats generally move too fast to hit with anything, so if you’re relying on poison to kill them, getting the hell away strikes me as a pretty sensible choice. (See Plague, Bubonic.)

...

PRO TIP: Don’t eat at Tokyo Go-Go. I don’t care how good the sushi tastes, there are rats in the building.

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He claims he has pictures.  Care to share?

(The full story)

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