Readers, it's tough to stay ahead of the culinary curve in a city like San Francisco. Here at Uptown Almanac, we try to keep you, our foodie readers, abreast of the hottest trends in cocktailology, foodification, and general eatistry. We know that your discerning palates won't accept just any burrito, even if its strapped to your hands and inserted forcefully down your gullet. Uptown authors have sacrificed their stomachs, intestinal tracts, taste buds, and self-respect in the name of keeping you informed. Today we bring you the most recent installation in this pursuit.

Cheeto-infused vodka is the final frontier in trashy American drinking. We can't even tell you how we came up with this idea, but when you hang out at bars like Clooney's, sometimes inspiration comes in mysterious forms. Read on, fellow maverick drinkers, as we walk you through the step by step process of making (and enjoying!) a Cheeto-infused vodka shot of your very own.

Step One: Put Fergie's “Glamorous” on the jukebox. Flossy flossy!

Step Two: Order a shot of well vodka, neat.

Step Three: Open your bag of crunchy Cheetos and select the two beefiest, most robust curls to use in your shot. Set them aside, protected from your friends' grabby hands. Devour all remaining weak, puny Cheetos before proceeding.

Step Four: Place your finest Cheeto specimens in the vodka shot. They will float at first. This is because Cheetos are mostly air. That's why they're a health food; your body spends more calories digesting all that air than are in each Cheeto. It's science. Anyway, be patient with your floaty Cheetos as they will eventually absorb enough vodka to sink. Pound a beer while you wait to fortify your insides for the assault to follow.

Step Five: Gently prod your Cheetos to aid in vodka absorbtion and general mixification. Like so:

Prod prod prod. Proddy prod prod.

Step Six: Your Cheeto shot should now be ready for consumption. But wait! Here lies the best part about the Cheeto shot - it's a two-part treat! One part shot, one part tasty vodka soaked Cheeto. Remove Cheetos from the vodka, and pop 'em in your mouth. At first you feel like you have a normal but somewhat wet and soggy Cheeto in your mouth. But then you bite into it, and your mouth is suddenly filled with an acidic, lukewarm geyser of Popov's vodka and MSG. Mmm mmm tasty! Results should look something like this:

Step Seven: Take the shot. You know how this is done. Expect a reaction similar to this:

The bitterness of the vodka is quickly overwhelmed by the perverted pang of MSG. The assault of the Cheeto shot befuddles the tastebuds and confuses the mind of the consumer. It's so disgusting, you don't want to swallow it - yet you know that holding it in your mouth is the only thing worse than swallowing. Cheeto-infused vodka is the ultimate bridge between childhood and adulthood, where your whimsy and youthful sense of adventure compels you to find new uses for your favorite childhood snack and your favorite adult beverage. It's the perfect balance, for when you want both vodka and cheese without the inconvenience of consuming both separately.

Estimated Cost: $5 ($4 vodka shot, $1 baggie of Cheetos from behind the bar)

At least, that's the headline from Grub Street, which goes on to report that the bar's (at 3088 24th Street, between Lucky and Treat) liquor license changed hands today and “will likely close for a hipster makeover in the coming months.”

[Grub Street]

I found myself parked in the middle of some 1950s-era Southern bar in Midtown Manhattan yesterday.  It was kitschy, with all its barnyard, trailer park, squeaky screen door decor, but it was nice.  And as I sat there, sucking down a $6 Miller High Life wondering how the fuck creative types could ever put up with such an exorbitant town, I couldn't help but to also ponder as to why the Mission doesn't have more goofy thematic establishments within its bounds.

Well, wonder no more: West of Pecos is opening tomorrow in the former Bombay Bazaar space on Valencia.  Now, Pecos doesn't exactly look like it will become anyone's regular haunt, and it could be closer to those areyoufuckingkiddingme? Manhattan prices we've seen so much on Valencia lately.  But, goddamn, it sure does look nice inside.

From Eater, who snapped the above photos:

At this point, the remnants of the former Bombay Bazar—three gaping skylights and original 1907 wood floors—have now been filled in with items salvaged in the Santa Fe area. A 100-year-old tobacco barn has been turned into a bar top and tables. Heavy reclaimed doors have been touched up with natural turquoise and brick red tones. Tin lines the bars, and round wrought iron chandeliers hang from the ceilings. It's all very rustic, and wooden with lots of Southwestern flair.

And the food?  Well, the menu is not up yet, but they are saying it will be lots of Santa Fe and Texan dishes of meats and veggies and some BBQ.

[Photos and More Info on Eater]

Note: old construction photo.

We've reported on the supposed reopening of La Rondalla so many times in the past that I'm not certain I believe this, but Grub Street is claiming that the beloved Valencia Street shithole is due to reopen in the coming weeks:

Before shuttering in 2008, Mexican dive La Rondalla (Valencia & 20th) was affectionately referred to across the webs as a “Rosarita crack den” and a “diarrhea factory,” but it was nonetheless a beloved neighborhood hang with cheap drinks and lots of Christmas lights. We've been hearing for over a year now that sisters Betty and Luna Barrios were trying to reopen their father Carlos Barrios's restaurant, since he never chose to lease it out, and renovations have been proceeding really slowly by all accounts. But Eater now brings word that that a reopening is close! By June at the latest, they say.

Read on.