Being Cool

Venturing Out of the Mission Bubble

Cade had this to say on today's post about the Richmond:

I know that via blog comment isn't really a good way to start a discussion that will have any actual insight, but seriously, why dont people that live in the mission leave more? It is not the end all and be all of San Francisco. People that live in the Mission will be the first one to bitch about not wanting to to go “all the way out” to the Richmond, but in reality, the furthest away you are going to have to travel to any part of town is 7 miles, so its really NOT that far away at all. Hell, its hard enough to get people to venture out to SOMA from the Mission, which is even closer, not to mention that if you have a bike like a good lil Mission resident, your bike ride is only going to be 25 minutes if you make the “hella long” trek out to the Richmond , still faster then a damn bus or car ride, and its not that epic of a ride either, the panhandle is pretty flat.

I just get really tired of hearing about how great the city is from people who live in the Mission and rarely leave. They aren't really experiencing the whole city as much as those who have to actually put an effort into making it down to hang out with those who feel like there is no reason to leave. I implore you, go to Crissy Field sometime, take a look around and tell me that the view from there, encapsulating the entire city sans bay bridge, isn't worth the 35 minutes it took riding down there to get to see. Hot damn, ride with that special someone, bring a sandwich and tall boy, and holy shit you have the recipe for a great date situation and you have spent the grand total of leftovers in the fridge. (See not only are you doing something “exotic” and seeing great “foreign” views, but its the economical date and who is more attractive in these tough times then a thrifty spender? Ladies????)

I realize that there is some bit of sarcasm in your post, and I'm not trying to direct my bit of animosity at you KevMo, I just seriously have been wondering why people think the Mission is the only good part of the city and why places like the Richmond or Presidio get little love. I figure I may as well go to the source of news for much of the Mission, and really, most of S.F residents to try and help explain it to me. Don't get me wrong I like the mission, I do, but I also realize there is SO MUCH MORE to this great city then just 2 or 3 square miles of it.

Now if anyone can let me in on why they be hatin on venturing out of the mission bubble, please do so, I'm all ears…

I would make my typical snide remark of “It's the fog, stupid,” but yesterday was evidence that fog is a shitty excuse.  Lack of street art?  No Victorians?  Bars that fill up with college kids at 9:30?  Honestly, I'm too lazy to figure out the answer.

(photo by zzz_zzz)

My Day As Zombie Cold Beer! Cold Water!

My favorite day in Dolores Park, ever. Went down dressed as Zombie Cold Beer! Cold Water!. For those of you not from San Francisco, “Cold Beer! Cold Water!” is a man who walks around Dolores Park with a cooler bag selling, well, yeah…. cans of PBR (sometimes Simple Times) and water. Here are some photos of him. And while he’s not wearing this outfit in any of those shots, I promise this is pretty damn close to what he wore most days this summer.

I can do a pretty good impression of his call, and he kind of sounds like a zombie anyway, so I went with it. I had my zombie walk on, and set out hollering… over and over and over… “Cold beer! Cold Water!” Some people had no idea what was going on, but most people recognized who I was supposed to be. And THREE different people mistook me for the man himself, all saying something like, “Oh, my god! He dressed up for Halloween!” One man was convinced I stole CBCW’s shirt. Ganja Treats took my photo! I sold twelve beers and four waters (though I gave away like half of them). But where was the OG CBCW?

I got up to leave after a couple hours, carrying my cooler, continuing the zombie walk and yelling his call, when suddenly, I heard him. He was only fifty feet or so away from me. “Cold Beer!” he yelled. “Cold Water!” I responded. People were cracking up, and one woman came running after me demanding I go after him and take a photo. I was on my way out though and having never talked to dude in my life didn’t know if he’d really appreciate my costume and I chickened out. Still, I had a blast. 

Photos by Erin Steach.

Cool Kid Halloween: Crappy Camera Coverage Edition

Ever wanted to know what a Mission District Halloween looked like through the lens of a 7-year-old camera from Sears?  You're in luck.

“Two Turntables and a Microphone” clearly took home the prize for “most culturally relevant costume.”

In an ocean of delusional people believing wearing a Giants jersey and a beard was a costume, one man knew how to not suck at Halloween.

Ordinarily a Jesus holding an 18 of Tecate is not noteworthy, but this cool kid was walking down Mission Street barefoot.

A giant burrito strapped to a messenger bag?

Best UPS driver costume I saw all night.

Lady Gaga riding a demon horse-bike.

FInally, I'll leave you with a snap of a horse making sweet, sweet love with a zombie.  Time to start counting down the days to Santacon.

"We're not in Arlington anymore, Toto..."

And so continues the “THEY'RE SMOKIN WEED!” saga…  

These Texan media outlets have seriously been acting like they just made 'first contact' with another planet. 'ZOMG! This anarchistic and godless alien civilization is so strange and carefree!'  Seriously?  Get over yourself you faux-Joe Normal neo-cons. 

Though I must say I'm looking forward to the other side of the equation when Bay Area newscasters start muckraking about lynch mobs outside the Ragners' stadium and questioning the sexuality of the Governor of Texas.  Quick, somebody buy Zennie a plane ticket to Planet Tejas! 

 

Sketchy Beard: Dave Eggers at World Series Game 1

Local wordsmith Dave Eggers was at AT&T Park yesterday, where he conducted a uniquely San Francisco interpretation of 'World Series coverage' for the Bay Citizen.  Armed with a sketch book, Eggers captured the experience of game one by turning his pen on the fans in and around the park.  The full set can be seen at Bay Citizen. 

Pop's Now a 'Sports Bar'?

I sure hope this tweet is sarcastic:

We just finished installing the mega-tv and wiring the broadcast through the speakers. Pop's sports bar is go!

I'm sure this has something to do with the Giants being in the World Series, considering the bar was empty this winter for the Super Bowl.  Seriously though, people may think big TVs are bad, but now we get to watch Babe: Pig In The City, Hook and other children's movies on a LARGE SCREEN.  Fuck ya!

SF Cool Kids Co-Opting Giants Fashion

Fashionistas rocking panda hats is nothing new (the phenomenon, as described by Zach: “look at me, I'm a white kid in a low income ethnic neighborhood, zomg I'm so zany!”), but once the Giants secured a spot in the playoffs, it suddenly became cool to start caring about baseball.  Just the other day I spotted the troubling sight of a dude with a panda hat sewn into his helmet riding a fixie through the TL.  Clearly something is going on here.

According to AsianWeek, the fad was discovered by two dudes working as heating, ventilating, and air conditioning/electrical technicians while vacationing in the winter-paradise Bejing:

The idea to market and sell the cute and fluffy headgear came in January this year after Wesley paid a visit to Beijing, China. While standing at the entrance of the Forbidden Palace in the harsh winter cold, Wesley bought himself a panda hat from a nearby street vendor to keep warm.

I thought we could bring it here to the States and make it work here,” says Wesley. “So after I came back we ordered a few and sold them on Facebook.”

[…]  Soon thereafter, the two formed The Head Panda and decided to expand their business across the Bay Area. During the San Francisco Giants’ home opener in April, the two set up shop near the Third Street Bridge across from AT&T Park. Hoping to capitalize on some Kung Fu Panda supporters, the pair arrived with 170 panda hats in hand at 11:00 am for a 1:05 pm first pitch. They sold out by 12:45 pm.

While the article at hand didn't really discuss the developing cool kid embrace of panda bear head-warming technology, it did make a passing reference to the phenomenon growing beyond Pablo “Kung-Fu Panda” Sandoval:

…they have added few other animals—fox, bunny, sheep, lion, husky, tiger, and bears to their list. Since their debut in March, they have launched their official website where one can buy a plush friend of their own anytime.

With their expansion, the two have also begun to have their brand recognized outside of Giants games. A few weeks ago, Jon sported a henna tattoo of the company’s logo on his arm. while sitting in class at City College of San Francisco. A classmate recognized the logo from a panda hat she bought at a Giants game.

So there you go…. panda, husky and the elusive 'el tigre' awaits the heads of tweens and cool kids pushing the boundaries of what it means to be fauxhemiam.  Hell, even the knockoff artists are getting into the game for those of you looking to save a buck or two:

    

(photo by earlyadopter)

TONIGHT in Oakland: Zombies! Cyclists! Pizza Sandwich?

Honestly, this is not an anti-cyclist metaphor.  NO REALLY!

WHEN THERE'S NO MORE ROOM IN HELL, THE DEAD WILL WALK BIKE THE EARTH!!!  

TONIGHT (Oct 8th), the East Bay Bike Party will be doing their 6th Zombie Ride.  It's exactly what it sounds like; a zombie flash mob with two wheelers.   AWESOME.  The gathering starts at 7:30pm, departs Oakland City Hall at 8pm, and eventually ends up at Parkway Lounge where they've arranged free bike parking and pizza sandwichs (not free).  

I might even brave these cyclist hoards just find out what the fuck a pizza sandwich is.  

More info on their route here.

Donating to the SF Food Bank gives you street cred and will get you laid!

Guys, this is hella sad:

We have a matching gift opportunity at the Food Bank for our Morning Snack program. All gifts this week (up to $25k) will be matched by Keurig, Inc./Green Mountain Coffee Roasters. A lot of the schools we serve are in the Mission so I thought your readers might be interested to know what we do in the neighborhood. We want to provide in-class snacks to kids since a lot of them are underfed and can’t pay attention in class because they are hungry. This is why the SF Food Bank recently expanded its partnership with public schools to provide healthy morning snacks to schoolchildren – snacks such as fresh oranges, bananas, apples, granola bars, milk and more.

They even do a stellar job riffing on KFC:

The new San Francisco Food Bank’s Double Down: a one-of-a-kind “sandwich of opportunity” features a healthy school snack (a fresh piece of produce, cheese and healthy crackers with cheese) and the chance to give a hungry student a much needed bite to eat which will calm a hungry tummy at school! Double Down today and give the opportunity to excel! This opportunity is so rare, there’s no room for a bun!

Unfortunately I don't read my email enough so there is only one day left to donate, but it sounds like they could really use the money to feed hungry kids.  PLUS, this opportunity allows you to tell cute boys and girls at Dolores Park that you just gave $100 bucks to the Food Bank for the price of $50!  Killer deal!  Also, Zach says if you forward your donation confirmation email to holler@uptownalmanac.com before Monday, he'll post a list of readers (pseudonyms okay for sketchballs) who donated next week.  If no one donates, he'll instead post a hate-rant.  It's like a hostage situation!

Alright bums, donate now!

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