Being Cool

Is Carnaval the New Bay to Breakers?

On Sunday, I was looking for an excuse to get drunk before Church and I remembered it was Carnaval so I cracked open my first Keystone Light at 8:30 and made my way to 24th.  Turns out I wasn't the only other person in the mood.  In fact, with fears that Bay to Breakers might be canceled next year, I think Carnaval is easily the next big thing in SF degenerance:

  1. The streets are already closed to slow moving people and floats
  2. The streets are already filled with semi-naked boys and girls
  3. The streets are already filled with people dressed in funny costumes
  4. There are “mad roof parties”
  5. There are “mad stoop parties”
  6. The Mission is already covered in garbage and piss
  7. The parade ends very close to Dolores park, which is already full of garbage and piss

Let's do it people!  Fuck those whiny NOPA neighbors.  Let's do what we were born to do.  Let's get drunk on 24th and piss all over the Mission.

It's our calling.

Even old people were getting into the festivities

This is why you shouldn't park in the Mission

Bro was the highlight of my 3 o'clock hour at Carnaval.  Just jumping from car to car.  Smashing in their hoods.  Shaking his ass.  Thought about 'doing the right thing' and stopping him but I hate cockblocking fun.

As you can see in the evidence below, he has the vocal chords of a God.

Pop's is Having an Identity Crisis

A month or so ago, Pop's ditched their amazing 90s-era television for a flat screen.  That was sacrilegious, but I was willing to deal with it because it's the only bar in the Mission you can drink Jager unironically.  But this?  No more awesome posters.  No more Burt Reynolds.  No more vintage Bud Light boxes.  No NOTHING.  Just a bunch of ugly ass, plain, graffiti-free red walls.  Rumor even has it that TRINA is leaving the jukebox.

Pop's is one of my favorite bars in the world because they proudly display who has been 86ed from the joint:

  1. Jesse was booted for repeatedly starting fights and throwing pint glasses in guy's faces.
  2. Another bro for exposing his genitals to “yuppies” and pissing in the corner behind the pinball machine.
  3. Another girl for throwing a pint glass through the front window.

Pop's is one of the only bars in the Mission where you can get molested for not looking cool.  Pop's is one of the only bars in the Mission where the women are more likely to hurt you then the bros.  Pop's is one of the only bars in the Mission with slam-dunk competitions.

Has Pop's peaked?  Is this an end of an era?  Will Pop's lameout and start hosting art shows in favor of shitty posters?

Don't go anywhere, Pop's.  We loved you the way it was.

Smooches <3,
-Monty

P.S. - Get rid of the Valley Girl soundtrack.  Fuck that garbage.

Are khakis the jorts of Boston hipsters?

Boston is a really weird place.  I knew it would be in the 80s so I thought I would kick it with a hot pair of Levi cutoffs and fit in with my Somerville friends.  Once again, I was the lamest person at the party.  Unlike the Dolores Park uniform of choice, Boston, from the authentic hipsters to up-and-coming young professionals, is bound by the common uniform of post-ironic Khaki pants.  Are these Boston's version of the cutoff?

This bro is bummed.  He's 29 and still living with his college dorm mate.  That job at Newbury Comics doesn't really seem to be going anywhere and he knows he doesn't look good in a collared shirt.

This bro has upward social mobility; working a boring ass 9-5 while staying true to his roots with public trans, a fixie and an iPod for a penis.

This bro is just drunk.  Just not giving a fuck.  Bro drives a truck.

No Meat, No Milk, NO LIMITS

“…but when it comes to animal abuse, the 27-year-old Danzig—who is vegan—takes no prisoners.” via PETA

“…but when it comes to animal abuse, the 27-year-old Danzig—who is vegan—takes no prisoners.” via PETA

I was just reading the Sunday Chronicle to find out what hip trends I could jump onto and it turns out that veganism is now cool!  Who knew!  I always thought I was rebelling against society by living in the Mission and giving Tyson Chicken the big fuck you.  Turns out I'm just another trend follower making the world “less scary now” for people with actual convictions.

Anyways, be sure to check out the full article for some hilarious SFgate comments and recipes that sound delicious.  “Peppered Portobello Mushroom Sandwich With Caper Aioli, Caramelized Fennel & Onion.”  Shit, I don't even know what half of those worlds mean.  It must be good.

(link, via Grubstreet)

These have officially replaced the icing phenomenon as my new obsession

We've all oohed and aahed over the Victorian era footage of the carriage ride down Market Street (My, that man's derby hat looks positively smashing! … are those horses?) but honestly, I find the footage in this video from 1984 far more compelling.

It's just some guy driving down Broadway onto the Embarcadero Freeway (for those of us born post-Loma Prieta who don't actually remember it, that part is actually pretty cool) and across the Bay Bridge. Towards the end he's listening to “White Lines” by Melle Mel on the radio. Basically this video is everything  - well, almost everything, since the 49ers aren't in this - that I've imagined being awesome about San Francisco in the 80s, all rolled into one. If I actually were to time-travel to the city in 1984, I'm pretty sure that I'd inevitably end up intervening in my parents' budding romance and screwing up my future existence, but after seeing this, I think it's a risk I'm willing to take.

This second video is much prettier than the other one and shows many different parts of the city, like Fisherman's Wharf when it was actually charming and not horrifying, and Mission Street when those empty theaters that will soon be condos were actually theaters. The parts shot around Nob Hill look basically the same as today, but the rest is mind-blowing.

Maybe it's just the aged quality of the film, but in this old footage the city looks so clean and well maintained, and everyone's dressed really well. I guess the world of the early 1960s really did look exactly like Mad Men! Let it be known that I fully support a resurgence of skinny ties in the Financial District suit-wearing population. For now when I want to see cute sixties style my only option is to go to Edinburgh on Wednesday nights.

So anyway, you know how sometimes on Mission Mission they post about something from San Francisco way back when and all the old timers take to the comments and reminisce? I'd be really psyched if that were to happen on this post. I love all those stories about how much cooler this city was before the dot-com boom.

Pop's First Annual Slam Dunk Contest: A Photo Journal

This past Saturday, amidst sunny skies and blistering winds, Pop's Bar on 24th and York St. held its first annual Slam Dunk Contest, and it was awesome. The contestants gathered at the local dive around 4 p.m. or so to properly lubricate themselves before taking part in bar game history. There were costumes, there was a shirtless man, there was a girl, there was an ecstatic crowd, there were embarrassing falls and flops, and there were plenty of authoritative slam-fucking-dunks. Below is a set of choice photos from the proceedings.

Michaelangelo had some issues.

Why is that guy dressed like a pizza?!

There's that girl I was talking about.

Sometimes less clothing means more air.

Friends were helping friends.

One-Eyed Ron fucking owned the game.

Free Pete looking like a basketball card.

Does this kid got style or what?!

Nicknamed “GQ” by the crowd, this dunker rose above his name to deliver some serious dunks.

Seriously! Why is that guy wearing a pizza costume?!

Damn! Pizza got hops.

Get it in there, Ron!

GQ from the free-throw line!

Pizza wins 1st, GQ wins 2nd, and One-Eyed Ron gets 3rd!

The first of hopefully many summer mini-vacations

On Friday afternoon, I decided to get out of the city and its horrid overcast weather and spend the day drinking beers in a rowboat.

Yes, it was as awesome as it sounds.

We met up in Berkeley and drove out Highway 24 into the picturesque (read: bougie, white) town of Lafayette. In town we failed to find Four Loko anywhere (god, suburbia, get it together!) and ended up buying beer and Cooks instead. At the Lafayette reservoir we rented a rowboat and set out to sea lake pond. I won’t go on about the rest of our afternoon, I just wanted to share this lovely day trip with Uptown readers because I imagine many of us tire of spending every sunny day at Dolores Park and, especially given the impending closures, it’s nice to have alternative places for outdoor daytime drinking.

Although we drove, the Lafayette Reservoir is highly BART-able. Once you’re there, parking is $6 and boat rental is $25 for up to 5 hours. There’s a Safeway pretty nearby for picnic food and drink. If you intend to get Lok’d though, you’ll probably have to make a pit stop in Oakland or be sorely disappointed like we were. More info about the Lafayette Recreation Area can be found here. Let’s go Summer 2010!

Punk-Rock Puppy of the Year

I was walking out of Dolores Park, a location I haven’t mentioned on this blog in a whole 36 hours!, the other day and noticed this punk-rock puppy.  I’m pretty sure this qualifies as animal abuse, even on Bay to Breakers weekend, but I still found the dog to look QUITE COOL.

Pages