Being Cool

Latin American Club: The Coolest Bar in the Mission

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

BRAINSLIP, a blog I'm not quite sure how I started following but I'm glad I do, recently posted a list of Clooney's lingo:

Easterners (aka Pirates) - Raiders fans. Not welcome inside or outside of Clooney's; no exceptions, get tha hell outta here.

Spillers - patrons prone to fighting; results in spilled drinks and bloodshed; also the best customers.

Crybabies - those coming from nearby mortuaries; not the best tippers.

(full list)

His post reminded me of my prediction that Clooney's would be the hot Mission dive for 2010.  In 2009, Bender's was clearly the bar in the Mission: the crowds increased steadily throughout the year, the Weird Fish grill was on top of its game, the staff was friendly and the beer was hella cheap.  The Bold Italic even dedicated an entire story to the community that made Bender's.  However, Weird Fish left the grill at the beginning of this year and the thrill for many was lost, leaving a opening for another spot to become the Mission's buzz-bar.  In spite of their cheap Busch pints, free hot-dog days, and N'synced jukebox, Clooney's never took over as the hottest dive in the 'hood.

I had to wait outside the velvet rope for 2 hours to snap this pic.

I asked a few friends what they thought the bar of today was, and Latin American Club was the resounding winner.  ”They reinvented the margarita!,” exclaimed one.  “Legend has it that if you ask the right bartender for a water, they'll serve you a watered down gin and tonic instead” hinted another.  “What the fuck is the Latin American Club?” asked a third.  Are they right?  It's seems like it was just a year ago that you could go there pretty much any weekday night and get a table, now it's pretty much packed seven days a week.  They even raised the price of their signature pint of vomit and lost memories margarita by a buck.  Is L.A.C. really the spot in the Mission that has ascended to the height of popularity over the past 8 months?

(First photo by clarkrem)

THIS WEEKEND: Watch Old Films About Go-Carts, Bikes, Skateboards, Soapbox Cars & Other Rad Stuff

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I've never been to an ODDBALL FILMS movie night before, but this screening is pretty tempting.  Their press release, stolen from Mission Loc@l:

The Obsession With Things That Go
Event: “Hot Wheels!” Guest curator Pete Gowdy and Oddball Films present an evening of rare 16mm films about things that go- cars, bikes, skateboards, soapbox cars and more. Featured films include Roller Skate Safely (1981), early 80s quads in action; Dust Eaters (1955), “dust eaters”, “grease monkeys” and the “birds” they race- wild souped-up jalopies!; Tough On Two Wheels (1955), awesome British bikes in action!; The Bike Parade (1938), vintage bicycle bonanza; Skateboarding to Safety, skateboarding in all its 1970s glory; Motor Mania (1950), mild-mannered Goofy goes berserk when he gets behind the wheel; Automania 2000 (1963), Oscar-nominated animation from the brilliant Halas & Batchelor Studio and much more!
Date: Friday, September 17, 2010 at 8:30PM

Oddball Films
275 Capp St San Francisco
Limited Seating $10.00 RSVP Only
info@oddballfilm.com or
415-558-8117

(link)

If you do anything this weekend, DO THIS.

— By Jane Parton |

For those of you who care, sorry I haven't posted here in a dog's age. I got kind of caught up with the whole moving-to-Oakland-and-starting-at-a-new-school thing, and I've also kind of been on a monthlong Four Loko bender. It's truly the devil's juice. Anyway though, this (sure to be awesome) skate video is showing at the Victoria Theatre on 16th & Capp on Sunday night at 7:30. 

I think everyone should go. Even if you don't care about skateboarding, you should go anyway because some of the guys in it are cute. 

And if you're still unconvinced because you don't care about skateboarding OR cute boys, then … um, what's wrong with you? One man, five syllables: Kevin “Spanky” Long. Swooooon.

Toad & Salmon's Chilibowl 6 + Other crap to do this weekend

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

If you missed last year's Chilibowl at Potrero del Sol, it was 'fucking tight' and definitely worth checking out this year.  To quote what I wrote about the occasion last summer:

The Chilibowl was an incredible way to squander away a Saturday afternoon: water balloons full of beer, a blood geyser coming out of a guy’s head, filthy jokes from the announcers, a punk band playing awesome songs like “you are dead, motherfucker” and “crack on Mission St.” within a few dozen yards of a playground full of children, and, of course, skateboarding.

That's right, not only is the Chilibowl full of shittalking and blood, it's at Potrero del Sol, which is just like Dolores Park without the cops, trash and whiny neighbors.  If you want to get psyched up for a good time, check out this crappy iPhone video I shot + edited last year with some weak-ass Dan the Automator track dumped on top of it:

If skateboarding sounds like too much fun and you'd rather do more of the same old shit, a bunch of local businesses are shutting down 18th from Dolores to Guerrero so you can drink wine and eat food on the pavement near Dolores Park, as opposed to the urine-soaked grass you usually enjoy.  (link)

The Anatomy of a Spectacular Craigslist Post: Frankenstein Motorcycle for Hipster

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

In all my years of reading Craigslist ads, I believe this poster found “the ultimate Craigslist formula”:

You are looking at one sexy BBW of a bike. Her name is Bertha and she loves to ride. I bought Bertha a year ago and she has been my moped on steroids. I only ride her around the city when I need to get somewhere fast. Dual disc up front on this bitch because fat chicks don't stop on a dime, they stop on big wet burritos. One fork seal is blown. Clear coat on the tank is coming off. But just like any hot fat chick you date they have problems so what do you expect?  Give her love and she will get you laid.  Starts up right away on the first time but then she needs to sit there while she gets her juices flowing.  If you are some skinny mission hipster/trustafarian this would be the perfect bike for you to hide your wealth behind, and mitigate your outrageous 5k collection of apple products you can't even use but to browse the internet and post pics of you facebook playing the same three cord on your guitar with some stupid scarf on your neck. This truly is a poor persons Honda. The only problem with hipsters is you are probably too weak and pot saturated to wield such a big bitch; Hipsters are used to women who starve themselves on cigarettes, cocaine, bottled water, and tofu patties. I think a 50cc Buddy would be really up your ally. If you have any questions let me know. If they are funny and not entirely stupid I may answer. If you actually want to buy this thing I will probably in all likely hood respond. If there are no buyers I will ghost ride this bitch into a wall for 500 and you can video that shit and put it on youtube or digg if you are one of those.

If a motorcycle-riding, 33-year-old Shakespeare wrote Craigslist posts, I think this is what we would have studied in high school.  I mean, it took a mere 7 words for this author to compare his bike to a fat chick.  That's not grammar school bullshit, that's untapped genius.  Let us review this author's formula:

  1. Compare product to a fat chick
  2. Tell potential buyers that their fat friend will get them laid
  3. Inform potential buyers that they'll need to perform cunnilingus on the product for it to function properly
  4. Make fun of hipsters
  5. Make fun of hipster's girlfriends
  6. Tell people you probably won't answer their questions
  7. Inform people that if they are too stupid to buy what you're selling, you're going to make said product 'go viral'

Take my money, good sir.

The Legitimate, Authentic, REAL Street Food Festival

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

While strolling down Folsom to the mainstream Street Food Festival on Saturday, I was hipped to the cooler, undiscovered street food festival going down on the corner of 23rd.  Just a giant heap o' chicken marinating in Sriracha and urine.  The Yamo to your Osha.  A scene still untainted by government fees, politicians, Michael Bauer, baby strollers and Foursquare.  More authentic than shelling out $7 bucks for the privilege of eating Delfina near Garfield Park, I hope it stays true to its roots next year.

Just Your Average Sunday in San Francisco

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Man, what a Sunday.  In what had to have been the first sunny day in San Francisco since 1997, there was an endless supply of great things to do.  A nice bike ride along Ocean Beach during Sunday Streets, checking out the vendors and bands at Rock Make in the Mission, rocking out to They Might Be Giants and Rouge Wave at Stern Grove, maybe just a peaceful, albeit traffic infested bike ride along the coast in Marin.  Or you could have, yet again, just hung out with thousands of your coolest friends in Dolores Park to witness to the day's ultimate freak show.

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