critical mass

Critical Mass is Dead, Says Print Publication

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Have you heard of Critical Mass? No? Well, it was 21-year-old pro-bicycle protest ride frequented by clove cigarette-sucking intellectuals who continue to think Che Guevara tshirts are acceptable. Or something like that.

Anyway! The SF Weekly has published quite the story about the slow leak in Critical Mass' tires:

Sixteen years ago this month (and 101 years to the day after the 1896 demonstration), Critical Mass was important. Some 7,000 riders inundated San Francisco and were violently confronted by police. It was a watershed moment for cycling in this city; Critical Mass served as a catalyst in changing San Francisco. But, like all catalysts, Critical Mass itself didn't change, even as the landscape around it did, both literally and figuratively.

Instead, a movement created 21 years ago to shake this city out of its institutionalized torpor has, itself, become institutionalized. It has become yet another San Francisco experience, a ritualization of something once vital and meaningful in a city increasingly preoccupied with celebrating what it once was.

“I don't find it to be the same ride anymore,” says Joel Pomerantz, a Critical Mass co-founder. “The Haight has museums of counterculture — but it doesn't have any counterculture. Critical Mass doesn't have critical mass anymore. People go to see it the way you go to see the Exploratorium. It's more like an amusement park ride.”

Read on for insight into the abandonment of leftist ideals within the SF Bike Coalition, the passive-aggressive war of words (and ideals) from the SF Bike Party, and a bit of Critical Mass political history.

Watch as a Shrieking Lady Hipster Takes on Critical Mass With a Lit Road Flare

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

During Friday's contentious 20th Anniversary Critical Mass ride, two women dressed as half-and-half cookies were in a mighty hurry to get to a wine bar.  So they did the logical thing and got out of their idling vehicle in the middle of the Tenderloin and began charging at cyclists with a lit road flare.

The entire scene is a complete spectacle, but it gets real good around 4:15, when a homeless TL denizen lectures the young ladies, concluding with “Damn, my nipples are bigger than yours.”

[via SF Citizen]

Critical Mass Opens Up A Pop-Up "Welcome Center" at 16th and Valencia

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Since Critical Mass is having their big 20th anniversary ride on Friday, the leaderless, spontaneous, semi-anarchist group ride opened up a pop-up “Welcome Center” along Valencia earlier this week.  Their hours are somewhat limited (12-5), and it closes down Friday afternoon, so they aren't really going for people with jobs to check the place out.  But, from the looks of it, they're selling a bunch of Critical Mass-related merch and hosting daily group rides and meet-ups from the space.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

SF Bike Party Rolls Out This Friday

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Scene from the first SF Bike Party Ride in December 2010, via Bikes and the City

After years of unexpected jealously towards our neighbors in San Jose and Oakland, San Francisco finally has its very own monthly Bike Party.  The party is much like Critical Mass in which it is a regularly-scheduled group ride (second first Friday of every month) that everyone is welcome to attend.  However, they eschew many of Critical Mass's more anarchic and, ahem, controversial practices: no riding in the left lane, stop at all lights, no splitting up the group, ride predetermined routes, and ride past all conflict.  But perhaps best of all, every month has a party theme, such as zombies and pizza sandwiches.  Yes, pizza sandwiches.  And while Critical Mass will always be king thanks to its pioneering legacy and spontaneous parking garage acrobatics, it's always nice to see an upstart bicycle dance party rolling through the city giving us a second group ride fix every month.

If you want to check out this inaugural 2011 ride, head over to the Willie Mays Gate at Giants Stadium this Friday at 7:30.

(SF Bike Party)

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Critical Mass is So Much Better When There is No Script

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

There is an EPIC DEBATE going on all over the internet about the future of Critical Mass.  Some guy that registered a domain name has claimed the event and wants it to have a little more structure.  His reasons are good: it'll provide more route diversity and it's potentially more democratic (via letting the less vocal and “aggressive” people in the back have a say in the route).  He cites years past in which routes were pre-selected as proof that his perspective is the correct one.  The problem with his perspective is that he claims that he is trying to make Mass more democratic, but by having an “insider-only” website, (read: a website that no one outside the know will read), he doesn't bother to solicit the opinions of people outside the inner circle of bike and Mass advocacy.  Many casually Massers only know to show up the last Friday of every month shortly before 6pm at Justin Herman Plaza.  They aren't going to show up for pre-ride meetings.  Hell, they probably don't even know these meetings exist.

Last night was a prime perspective that we don't need to pre-select routes.  After the typical Tour de SOMA, Mass paraded down Market, through the Wiggle to briefly join a BP protest at Divis and Fell.  The ride made its way through the Richmond, going down Geary until it took Park Presidio.  While the police stopped the ride from getting within sight of the Golden Gate Bridge, the ride took some back roads through the Richmond before finally getting back on Geary to do a tour of city's tunnels.  Despite crossing the city, the group managed to stay together until 8:45.

This is what makes Critical Mass so attractive.  It's a runaway train that no one can stop and no one can derail.  The police tried, failed, and joined the parade with motors.  Now cyclists are trying to take away the chaotic lifeblood of Mass from within.  Hopefully last night curbs their hubris.