Oh, the Flags You Can Buy!
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
I asked a somewhat unsavory salesman about what kinds of people buy the leggy number on the bottom, to which he responded, “Nasty, just nasty people.”
10 bucks!
Mission District
The Mission is Evolving Into a Neighborhood of Well-Groomed Pirates
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
It seems that 2011 saw a notable uptick in people lugging around birds attached to their limbs. Maybe people are learning avian beasts easier to care for than dogs? Are we all students of 876 Valencia? Perhaps we need just someone marginally dumber than us to talk to?
No matter the reason, I think it's safe to say that holding a White Cockatoo in your hand has replaced a cup of Ritual Roasters as the defining accessory of The Official Mission Uniform.
Play Strip Dreidel and Stuff Your Face with Chinese Food at Broke-Ass Stuart's Jewish Christmas Party
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
It's going down Christmas Day at the Make-Out Room and it pretty much sounds like the best Christmas ever:
Heeb or not, you are cordially invited to spend Christmas in the company of the “chosen” people…chosen to be alienated and bored stiff when everything is closed on Christmas, that is!
*SPEND some quality time with me!
*MARVEL at our Hanukkah bush, flown in from the guiltiest reaches of Poland, with crappy gifts afoot for everyone!
*STARE at our run of WOODY ALLEN films throughout the night, interspersed with the greatest hits of LARRY DAVID*DROOL at the fine buffeted assortment of Chinese edibles – of the pork and non-pork varieties (veggie options)!
*GASP at the tuchuses, polkes and schmekels before you as competitors get down for prizes and glory in our dandy game of STRIP DREIDEL!
All that for ten bucks! But, of course, Broke-Ass Stuart has a line on how you can get yourself half-price tickets.
Find This Bicycle, Get Whiskey Shots
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
While I recognize this blog isn't Craigslist, I feel somewhat responsible for this bike's disappearance from outside of Bender's last night by way of dumping trays of whiskey shots in front of my friends until awful hours in the morning. So, dearest Uptown Almanac readers, should you find Alissa's black Pake bicycle, we'll reward you by taking you to Bender's and showering you with trays full of whiskey shots.
It's pretty much the only bike in San Francisco I've ever seen with a multicolored chain, so if you see anyone riding a black bike with said chain, you have the green light to tackle them off the bike and liberate it from the clutches of bike thievery.
Paxton Gate's Curiosities for Kids' Bathroom is Bizarre Laboratory of Bowel Inquisition
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
While on the topic of booty, I found myself having to 'occupy a toilet seat' while strolling down Valencia earlier today, so I ducked into Paxton Gate's Curiosities for Kids', figuring they might have some dead lizards or something to look at while I regretted eating a burrito for breakfast. Anyway, if you're still reading this, I took a look at their janitorial checklist before I sat down because children are gross and horrible and I wanted to make sure someone hosed down the seat with an ocean of bleach recently, only to discover their toilet can is for scientific research only. Oh Paxton Gate, you're so goofy.
Anyway, if my stool cures cancer you're welcome.
I can't believe they evicted Modern Times Bookstore for THIS
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing but love for my four-eyed friends and the budding San Francisco entrepreneur; but this is just sad. Modern Times was both a quality bookstore and event space; not just a seller of national best-sellers and top radical lit, but also of our famed and upcoming local authors and zine makers alike. This is just a LensCrafters with reclaimed wood tables.
Lower Haight's Urban Swing Project Finds its Way to Valencia
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Lower Haight doesn't get to have all the fun anymore: now we too can indulge in some arbol whimsy while waiting to stuff our faces with some Rhea's sandos.
Gentrification Watch: Carlos Club to become 'coffee shop'
— By Zach Perkins |
It appears that Carlos Club, the predominately latino bar outside the 24th St Bart station that was known for its 'bar maids' (tequila-pushing under-paid female employees,) is being turned into a 'coffee shop'. You might remember this establishment from its six month ABC investigation that ultimately lead to it's closure in July. The investigation uncovered “unsavory [labor] practices” that preyed on both its patrons and the unfortunate women who were employed there.
Hopefully we'll see them retain the original business model so the laptop crowd can enjoy 'barista girls' hustling them to purchase another round of espresso shots in exchange for their continued company and WiFi access.
And This is What SFPD Busting Up a Rad Time Looks Like
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
sftlltr just posted a bunch of photos of SFPD cracking down on October's “bouncy ball party turned street melee” (as SF Appeal dubbed it, anyway) on 24th St. A little refresher:
According to SFPD spokesperson Officer Albie Esparza, who to his credit confirmed my questions about this incident as professionally and seriously as he does those of far more significant crimes, SFPD received calls reporting a “melee” at the 2900 block of 24th Street at 1:15 AM on October 23rd.
Callers reported “150 subjects in a physical and verbal fight in street,” says Esparza. When “multiple officers” from both the Bayview and Mission stations arrived at the scene, they discovered that there was indeed a crowd on the street, “due to an over-capacity party.” […]
Esparza confirms that when police arrived, the bouncy balls were still in play, and that when SFPD attempted to detain one party goer who, after the order to disperse was given, still attempted to “push his way back into the premises…the crowd turned on police and turned hostile, with people from the crowd throwing plastic balls and bottles at the police.”
Of course, the pictures seem to tell a bit of a different story…
It Takes a Rape to Get PG&E to Replace a Street Light
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Poster by Rich Black. (via SFist)
What does it take to get a burned-out City streetlight replaced? How about a vicious rape.
A streetlight at 24th and Fair Oaks was burned out the night of a violent rape that sent a woman to the hospital and left a sidewalk splattered with blood.
Andy Segal, president of the Fair Oaks Community Coalition, told SFBay after Wednesday’s community meeting at St. James Church that the streetlight had been burned out “for a while,” and that neighbors had reported the burned out streetlight without response from The City, PG&E, or the Public Utilities Commission. […]Supervisor Scott Wiener also said that the light was not operating the night of the attack. The streetlight was hurriedly fixed by PG&E Monday morning, after being contacted by Wiener’s office.