Mission District

HARD-HITTING COFFEE SHOP COVERAGE: Blue Fig Coming Soon

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

BIG FUCKING NEWS GUYS: THERE'S A COFFEE SHOP OPENING UP ON VALENCIA ST.  IT'S ABOUT GODDAMN TIME.

Now that I have that out of my system, I popped my head in there yesterday.  The ghost of American Apparel's hopes and dreams will be bagels, sandwiches, salads and caffeine.  We can only hope that the bagels will be overnighted from the east coast daily.  Sorry for the crappy pic, but by “popped my head in there,” I really meant “I took some shitty pictures of the menu from the street” because I'm an antisocial fucktard.

Tech Nerds: East of Mission St. Isn't the Mission

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Some startup bros recently made a 'helpful' map for aspiring entrepreneurs telling them where they should plant their next VC-funded failure.  The idea behind the map isn't necessarily bad, but the descriptions of each location demonstrates a basic lack of familiarity of San Francisco and some really fucked up low-level racism.  For example, how could some “<3” the Mission but not include anything east of Mission or south of 24th on the map?  Because it's dangerous at night?  Gringo, please.  Just because there are more brown people and hookers east of Mission doesn't mean it is particularly dangerous.  In fact the Mission, if anything, is safer than all the other fun neighborhoods.  Also, “hipsters on Valencia sometimes obnoxious”?  Really?  Maybe they look obnoxious, but I rarely see “hipsters” just running around trying to directly piss people off.  To me, it just sounds like you were just the kid no one ever invited to the party.

Flower Power

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

If you spend more than 2 seconds looking at this, you'll realize why this is one of the raddest cycling stencils in the city.  Petals for hands!  A watering can!  A flag I can't read!  Neat!

Street Food Turns Into Casanova Lounge for Food Dorks

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Do you like Street Food?  Are you single?  Are you shitty at picking up people in bars?  Well, you're in luck.  July 27th at 7pm on Linda and 19th, the street food clan is having a “stop light party.”  That's right, dress your relationship status:

  • Green: Single
  • Yellow: Complicated
  • Red: In a relationship

I'll be the guy dressed in black, the color of my soul, and wearing a messenger bag full of 40oz.  See you there!

Someone Has BIG Plans This Week

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Reader Selbst recently found this schedule scribbled down on paper (UPDATE: and has provided us with more details on the find):

FOUND this on my doorstep in the Mission with a heap of sodden blankets and clothes apparently jettisoned from a gypsy RV after a “domestic”. The question is, did she complete the plan and throw out the list or lose the list and the plan and get hooked again?

Front:

Back:

Sometimes Yelp Just Won't Do...

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

The more time I spend in Dirty Thieves, the more I love it.  As previously mentioned, they stock one of the best goddamn whiskeys that I've tasted, their bathroom is almost always out of order (not that any self-respecting person would shit in a Mission bar), and their bartenders are world-class.  But recently, they've really stepped their game up:

  1. They got the Twilight Zone pinball machine, which is supposedly one of the “most complex” machines every designed.
  2. The other night there was a large gathering of single strangers meeting up from “the internet” to form “physic connections.”
  3. Their clientele has an excellent choice in music (via playing the entirety of 36 Chambers on the jukebox).

That said, they charge $4 for Coors, so fuck those bastards.

Update: Coors is only $3!

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

ROBOT POWER

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

The lighting in this place is ideal for iPhone photography.

I swung by the Artist Xchange on 16th the other night to check out the new crop of art and was particularly impressed by ROBOT POWER by Joshua Ellingson.  Take $200 of disposable income and go grab one for yourself.

Capp St. Bargain Watch

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Ordinarily I wouldn't post something so trivial, but this entire setup cracked me up.  Also, the joke is that it costs $20, not that it's “HD”?  Anyway, roll to 23rd and Capp to score yourself a 100 pound monster with no street value.

And She Put My Heart in a Wood Chipper

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

In case you missed it, a hot mess of wood chip art popped up all over the city this morning.  Thanks to my laziness, I only photographed this heart in front of Sidewalk Juice on 21st, but you could traverse the length of Valencia, you might be able to catch some more yourself.

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