Pets & Animals

The Social Media Generation has had it pretty good with pets.  From Boston Terriers to purse puppies to highly bloggable tabby "kittehs," we've been afforded a calvary of beasts whose mere appearance inspires "awwws" and "lols," bringing a whimsical smile to even the most cynical and cold CEOs of this economically-haggard nation.

But over the years, these animals have gotten tired.  Another​ captioned cat pic doesn't elicit the same "likes" it did years ago, and comedy pros have come to lament the use of cliche cute animals to elevate otherwise mediocre comedy.  How do we climb out of this four-legged recession?

The fashionable folks of Brooklyn have it all figured out: pigs!  You'll be strolling down the boutique-lined streets of Williamsburg when your nose catches a scent, "Man, this place reeks ​pig piss."  Then you turn a corner to find a hulking swine with its snout deep in a rusty drivetrain, urinating in disgust at a clunky, neglected bicycle.  As you follow the pig's leash to its owner, you notice the owner's laugh as she becomes conscious of her and her lil' piggy's joint taste in transportation.  "Yeah Oinks! If I could, I'd tinkle on that hunk of shit too!"

Next thing you know, you're pinching your nose shut and leaning over for a choice shot of a judgmental hog in a muscle shirt ​just letting go on Metropolitan Ave.  The internet has been saved, praise lordy!  Let's prance out to the Central Valley and adopt the very pets we ran away from when we moved to The Big City in the first place!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• Celebrate Cinco de Mayo by Seeing Some Stand-Up Comedy
• Uber to Dispatch Squad of Mexicans to Your Start-Up in Borderline Vulgar Cinco de Mayo Stunt

I'm not quite sure what this is, nor why it isn't up on every wall on every street in San Francisco, but I like.

[Photo by Doug Madey]

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• Terrifyingly Happy Half-Dead Bat with Asymmetrical Wings

Was this some sort of gorilla guerrilla protest against Taqueria el Buen Sabor's meh flavors, or merely a spontaneous pink apeshit dance party?

UPDATE: Ed Casey also caught video of the mob in Union Square, noting:

There was no music and no discernible message… Just a pack of pink gorillas doing some sort of busted ass ring around the rosie. 

[Photo by Dexn and Flexn]