People

Wise Sons Deli Confronts Rumors That People Eat There

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Wise Sons Deli has been long famous for their building-wrapping lines and also their challah French toast.  But it turns out their reputation for long waits and slow service has been detrimental, so they took to the Chronicle to clear up their linephobic would-be customer's misconceptions:

When Wise Sons opened last year, the place pretty much had a permanent line. And like many restaurant openings, things got smoothed out over time, but it’s hard to shake those first impressions and stigmas.

“One of the biggest misconceptions: People say, ‘you’re always busy, there’s always a line, I can never get in.’ It’s not true anymore,” says [owner Evan Bloom]. “There’s a line at times. But how do you let people know that they can come in for breakfast? And that the restaurant is not as crazy as it was the first six months — and the food comes out fast. We continue to grow as a restaurant and as first time restaurant owners…”

According to Wise Sons' Leo Beckerman, their interview with the Chronicle was conducted while Beckerman was “plunging the toilet,” which, honestly, is one of the most beautiful statements about the level of respect the Chronicle commands these days.

Anyway, feel free to read on if you find yourself plopped down on the toilet and hunting for something to look over.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

It's Tops Coffee Shop: Before It Wasn't Cool

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Eater recently interviewed the owners of the delightful rust bucket of a diner It's Tops Coffee Shop, covering its million-year-old history, pink uniforms, stuffed waffles, and, of course, coffee.  In fact, their coffee is of such passable quality that it has endeared them to the notoriously snobbish anti-snob Quentin Tarantino:

Have you had any notable people dine here?

[Owner Sheila Chapman]: Let's see, we've had Sharon Stone, Metallica…

[Bruce Chapman]: Who was the big producer guy that did the diner thing, Pulp Fiction? Tarantino? He loves our coffee.

SC: Because he said it's not too strong. It's diner coffee.

(But, seriously, has he tried Four Barrel?)

Anyway, back in simpler days of the Nixon presidency, It's Tops used to serve up 50 different kind of coffee beans “before Safeway and all these stores were doing it.”

We had these shelves filled with different kinds, and each morning, we had a sign listing which country the beans would come from. And my dad would make me blind-taste them, and would say, “Which country is this from?” But we stopped doing that once all the stores got tons of beans.

I'll let you write your own hipster jokes.

[SF Eater | Photo by Beth Lennon]

Student Rescues Woman from Stubborn Creep on BART

— By Eric Gregory (@mrericsir) |

BART photo by Steve Lambert

We all know the situation — a creepy stranger just won't stop hitting on someone.  The creep's inexhaustible stubbornness shrugs off even the most direct signs of disinterest.

Local student and blogger Chris Brecheen found himself witness to such a situation while on a nearly empty BART train:

He waited until the train was in motion to make his move—a true sign of someone who knows how to make the environment work to their advantage.  Then he leaned forward.  “Hi.”  “How you doing?”  “What are you reading?”  “What's your name?” “I really like your hair.” “That's a really nice skirt.”  “You must work out.”

It was painful to watch.  She clearly wanted nothing to do with him, and he clearly wasn't going to take the hint.

How uncomfortable.  What should one do when one sees a victim in this situation?  Awkwardly pretend not to stare while secretly hoping the creep gets the message?  Or should one step up and play the hero?  Brecheen took the latter path.

Read on for the satisfying conclusion to his epic tale.  It's well worth it.

Have you ever helped someone out of a similarly awkward jam?  Was public transit involved?  Let us know in the comments.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Legalization of The Tamale Lady Underway!

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

The Tamale Lady's kitchen.

Within hours of news breaking that Zeitgeist kicked the Tamale Lady out of the bar, city officials and local non-profits scrambled to bring Virginia Ramos' beloved trash bag of tamales up to code.

While the cause of The Tamale Crackdown remain murky, the Department of Public Health remains at the root.  According to a report by Inside Scoop, the Department didn't explicitly demand Zeitgeist oust Virginia, but they see her as an “illegal vendor, plain and simple.”

However, during a recent health inspection of Zeitgeist, the inspector specifically brought up the Tamale Lady:

“They said that we as the business are being held responsible for the quality of her products — and that means if they come inspect and find anything wrong with what she does, then they will hold us responsible,” [Zeitgeist general manager Mareike Pittman] says. “So if something is really wrong, they could close the kitchen, and if they do that, then we have to close down everything because we need a kitchen to sell alcohol.”

According to Nate Allbee, legislative aide to Mission Supervisor David Campos, the issue stems from Virginia's usage of a private, unregulated kitchen in her home.  As seen in the biopic rockumentary Our Lady Of Tamale, Virginia can be seen preparing her nightly haul in cramped quarters no different from any other rented apartment in town.

“There's an entire group—almost exclusively in the Mission—that includes the bacon-wrapped hot dogs on Mission Street and the Tamale Lady etc., that prepare their food in home kitchens and on the street, and that's totally illegal,” Allbee told us.  “We turn a blind eye to it because everyone loves them and no one is getting sick from their food.  But, we cannot work with the Department of Health to legalize and regulate them [because of their use of unregulated kitchens].”

Fortunately, Supervisor Campos is leading the charge to remedy this.  His office has already been in contact with La Cocina, a Mission-based non-profit incubator for immigrant food entrepreneurs, who are gearing up to get Virginia into a commercial kitchen.

“La Cocina is happy to host her and have wanted to work with her before.  They have an empty, licensed kitchen where she could make her tamales, allowing her to continue selling around the neighborhood.”

It remains to be seen if this development would be enough for the likes of Zeitgeist—and the Health Department breathing down their necks.  However, Allbee tells us that they believe they found a loophole in the city's regulation that classify tamales as wrapped, prepackaged food because of their corn husk, enabling them to be be sold with the same legality as packaged Cheetos.

(If you haven't watched Our Lady Of Tamale yet, do so:)

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Top 5 Petty Complaints About the Engineers Across the Hall

— By @BuffBro |

So for background, there's some tech company that has their office across the hall from mine and a couple of months ago they doubled their staff of engineers. I've been noticing some disturbing trends, mostly related to the only places I interact with them—the hallways and bathroom. I'll note that we did not have any of these issues until this company scaled up their engineering team.

  1. The barefoot dude who is barefoot in the bathroom all the time. 
    Now I understand the urge to relax and take your shoes off at work, I really do.  I would never do it because I'm not disgusting, but I do understand the urge.  However, bathrooms are gross.  People pee and poop in there—not hygienic. This guy (all of these incidents are perpetrated by dudes, obv) literally comes into the bathroom, going about his business, in his bare feet.  What. The. Fuck.  I have to wonder, is this something he is open about and has a philosophical stance on like “Humans weren't meant to wear shoes!  Monkeys don't wear shoes and I'm no better than that, so I don't wear shoes either!”  Or is it his shameful secret that he only indulges in at work because all of his co-workers are also super grody and won't bat an eye?  Does his doctor keep getting conflicting excuses as to why he keeps coming in with cases of hookworm?

    So many questions, so few answers.
     
  2. The “I'm too busy to wash my hands” guy.
    This fucking guy.  Never washes his hands, and is super blatant about how gross he is. He just walks in, drops the kids off at the pool, and then wanders out without a care in the world.  We've started putting signs up saying “employees must wash hands.” The signs aren't working.
     
  3. The crumbs in the hallway.
    How can there be this many damn crumbs in the hallway?  It looks like a construction site or a wood-working shop… but with like… crumbs instead of sawdust?  Are there ducks in the office you are trying to feed?  Because I haven't seen any ducks around here.  I think you are just walking around with your sandwiches being super gross eaters.  The ducks down at the park may approve of this behavior but I am not a duck, and I hate you.
     
  4. The toothbrush incident.
    You're a grown-ass man working at a fancy tech company. You probably have a bathroom at home with a mirror and everything. You're really bringing your toothbrush and toothpaste to work like it's some kind of middle school campout? No. No no no. It's gross, and you are gross. You are gross every day, because I see you doing this every day.
     
  5. The toilet situation.
    The state of our toilets is shameful.  I should have known what was coming because a month after all these gross nerds moved in, there were signs on every toilet stall stating clearly that “Due to popular demand, the toilets will be replaced with high capacity versions.”  Let me break that down for you:

    a) “Due to popular demand” - many people have asked for this thing to happen.
    b) “High capacity” - mega gross nerd shits.

    Even with our new super-shitters, the nerds next door keep breaking them with their uber-turds, and leaving celebratory piles of TP, bowl protectors, paper hand towels, and napkins (????) strewn about.  Fucking awesome.

I hope we've all learned an important lesson from this: nerds are horrible and gross, and all stereotypes are 100% correct.

Pablo Sandoval's Sports Car Gets Benched on Valencia

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Signaling Valencia Street has become our generation's Sunset Boulevard, an Uptown Almanac reader sent us pics of Pablo Sandoval broken down outside of Limon, forced to open up the hood of his ridiculous sports car like a pathetic commoner and beg the nearest Hummer Jeep driver to give his battery a jump.

Really, All we need is for Randi Zuckerberg to snort some black tar heroin and violently overdose in her brother's arms outside of Elbo Room and the transformation will be complete.

(Meanwhile:)

[Thanks Jeff!]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Stephan Jenkins Spotted Staring Slack-Jawed at Cheese-Only Restaurant

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

It was just over two months ago that the Third Eye Blind front man stood tall on the Bottom of the Hill stage and declared, “We're right at that moment before Valencia turns to complete shit.”  Now, he's bemused and excited about slamming his face with a plate of Mission Cheese's finest.

(In all fairness, cheese is a magical food product and we welcome its existence in all forms.)

[Photo by Fashionist]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Emily Heller Kills It on Conan

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Emily Heller has always been one of our favorite Bay Area comedians, but last year she moved to New York for the usual “bigger and better things” routine.  The move led to starting a very funny podcast, getting a gig as the warm-up comic for W. Kamau Bell's show, just to name a few. And last month, it all paid off with a killer set on Conan.

Behold:

If that leaves you craving more, Emily will be at the Punchline for the rest of the week.

[via Emily Heller]

Third Eye Blind on the Status of Valencia Street

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Evidence as to why I should be banned from photographing concerts.

Because I've long aspired to be a 28-year-old man at a Third Eye Blind concert, I attended their semi-secret “urban disruptor mechanism“-transported gig last night at Bottom of the Hill.  The show itself was definitely a music concert, and the sea of people who hit puberty around 1997 were thrilled for what seemed to be a once-in-a-lifetime experience to hometown big name perform in a local small venue.  But the real hit happened when lead singer Stephan Jenkins—wearing the same flag-patched leather jacket he wore 16 years ago—shared his thoughts on Valencia Street between songs:

“We're right at that moment before Valencia turns to complete shit.”

Damn, pretty rough call from the guys that filmed the video for their breakout hit in front of Boogaloo's.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

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