People

The Mission Has the Best Food in All of NYC

At least, that's the word from food critic and amateur Kent Brockman impersonator Anthony Bourdain, who apparently visited Mission Chinese's new East Village outpost:

And the foodie backlash is already building:

EXOTIC SPECIES SIGHTING: Juggalos on Valencia

The local Juggathological community was abuzz this afternoon following reports of rare exotic Juggalo sightings in downtown San Francisco.  Although their natural habitat includes tents, trailer parks, and wood paneled basements, it is not uncommon for the male Juggalo to wander into more populated areas when methamphetamine supplies run low. Following the scent of Faygo and foraging for joints and titties along the way, the Juggalo, or Ninja as he is sometimes known, may be heard rapping about complex scientific topics such as magnetism or crying out in a series of repetitive wooping sounds. This tiny “gathering” (as a grouping of this species is called) was first spotted outside of Zeitgeist by PD Bird, and later documented marching towards City Hall. Note the sharply contrasting facial markings on both ninjas, and the shiny Hachetman medallion on the specimen on the right. Yes, this is truly a glorious day for Bay Area white trash watchers.

[Photo/warning by Generic]

Mark Zuckerberg Moves to the Mission District

We sure have been seeing a lot of Facebook's billionaire “I'm CEO, Bitch” living the slow food high life in our fine neighborhood this past year.  From sunny days in Dolores Park, to late-night beer and burrito outings at Phone Booth and Farolito (with a little line-standing at the chosen foodie hot spot Wise Sons mixed in), it seems Mark has been trying to fancy himself as a pure blood poor person.

It has led us to wonder if he is trying to reinvent himself as a “Mission hipster” and others to declare the Mission as “the neighborhood Facebook built.”  It's even spawned some fantastical rumors among neighborhood chatterers that he might be living part-time in La Lengua.

Well, it seems as though the rumors might be more than that, as BuzzFeed's Reyhan Harmanci reports on the claims that Zuckerberg has made the Mission his new home (under the bold headline, “The Heart Of Silicon Valley Is Now In The Mission”, no less):

The techies' migration from suburban Palo Alto to the charmingly gritty — and once less charmingly gritty — urban neighborhood has come in waves, but really settled in this summer when the scene's low-profile king, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, began being spotted around a house at the edge of the Mission, near Noe Valley. But his arrival here, and his cohort's, isn't just a real estate choice: it marks the merger of tech culture and culture at large, a new hybrid in a neighborhood and a city whose key industry used to stand a bit apart. The first tech boom, of the late '90s, brought an influx of new people in the Mission — but it's hard to imagine that the hardcore engineers would have been happy with, say, the level of gang violence and messy artist warehouses a decade ago.

Now, with most of the rough edges sanded off of the previously-poor district, the tech guys are the Mission's mascots, the cool kids. Love it or hate it, the musicians and weirdos who won the neighborhood its hip reputation in the first place have mostly grown-up, fled to Oakland or both. The street artist [movement] “Mission School,” led by figures like Barry McGee and Chris Johanson, is dead.

But Zuckerberg spends time on Dolores Street, often walking his dog, and his part-time residence (he also has a much-photographed home in Palo Alto) is an open secret in the neighborhood. Though residents wondered at first about rather sizable security detail parked in a quiet corner, it appears to be paying some unexpected dividends: apparently a private security guy chased down a would-be burglar recently.

The move makes sense, especially given that Valencia Street pretty much looks like downtown Palo Alto anyway.  But one big question remains: will he be taking the Facebook bus or driving to work?

(Oh, and welcome to the neighborhood, Mark!)

[BuzzFeed]

Guys, Flavor Flav is Homeless and Needs Our Help

I still can't believe: there I was walking down 22nd last night and Flavor Flav came up and asked me to “spare 31¢ for Muni.”  Poor guy is so broke that all he can afford is some weird alarm clock that isn't an iPhone.  Sadly, I don't carry change, so after turning down his simple request, he went on screaming semi-incoherently at his friend discussing politics.

Beautiful Rainbow Temporarily Entertains People Waiting in Ridiculous Lines at Trendy Mission Restaurants

Did you catch the beautiful double rainbow set against a killer SF sunset last night?  No?  Well here it is, from the top of Dolores Park:

What does it mean?  Something about light reflecting off water in the atmosphere.  But enough of that junk science, what it really meant is people were delighted with a colorful diversion while going about their usual business.  Observe:

Folks uploaded photos to Instagram, Twitter (via Instagram), Facebook (via Twitter via Instagram), Tumblr, Flickr, and Path (because, “why not”) while waiting in line for Southpaw, noting they were about to have “The. Best. BBQ. Ever.”

This guy ran out of Weird Fish and into the middle of the street to photograph the phenomenon.

Finally, back at the ever-popular 25 cent wing night at Dr. Teeth, dinner on the back patio was rudely interrupted by atmospheric freak show, forcing diners to photograph the event, call their friends to make sure they saw it, and scowl at the lack of 'liking' activity in the 47 seconds since uploading the photo. 

Did you get any photos of other human beings getting photos of G*d's majesty?  Let us know in the comments for an opportunity at being a famous Uptown Almanac commenter!

[Pano by Alex Chaffee]

Tommy Wiseau Found in Local Whole Foods

Sam ran into the writer/director/star of the best/worst movie ever set in San Francisco grazing in a Whole Foods bulk isle, noting:

“He insisted on taking his hair out of a ponytail before taking the photo.  He smelled of heavenly Aqua Velva.”

Anyway, no word on why he's back in town (sequel?!), but this is certainly the most exciting celebrity sighting this town has had in weeks.

(And if you're not hip to the cinematic trainwreck that is The Room, here's a taste:)

No Cuts For Mark Zuckerberg at Wise Sons

Mark Zuckerberg, the infamous founder of Facebook worth $20 billion (or whatever half of that is), has been waiting in line for brunch at Wise Sons Jewish Delicatessen for the last 30 minutes.  According to Uptown Almanac's Jewish sources, his appearance is underwhelming in the wake of Woody Allen's recent meal at the establishment.  This is only further illustrated by the fact that Woody skipped the line, care of a special reservation the restaurant gave him, whereas Zuckerberg was left to stand in line like a chump.

“I mean, this is no Larry David sighting at Canter's,” one Jewish source noted, “but it'll do.”

Note: as of press time, Mark Zuckerberg was still in line.

Woody Watch: Woody 'Pops-Up' at 14th and South Van Ness

Early riser Zach Perkins just texted in the following report: “Woody Allen fuckin' up my commute.  S Van Ness and 14th.  Block of 14 east of SVN totally closed.”

Screw cars, Woody's filming in the Mission!

Update: Because this is the most exciting thing to happen to the Mission since Dear Mom opened, I grabbed my inhaler and headed over there a little while ago.

The crew was pretty good at letting the villagers get up good and close to take photos, and Allen was even overheard complimenting a few bicycles.  Cate Blanchett and a bunch of other Oscar winners no one cares about were on hand for the scene outside New Central Cafe, in which Cate got out of a taxi with a million suitcases, waited outside an apartment for a person to answer, only to head into the cafe rejected.

Cate's seems to be playing the lead role of a wealthy New York woman who finds herself going broke and moving to San Francisco to stay with her sister, presumably in that very apartment above 14th and South Van Ness.

Crew members on the scene said they'd be filming in the Mission the rest of the day.

Some additional shots:

Here's Woody just staring at the ground during a take.

Finally, this Municyclist was a more interesting sight for one passing cyclist.

Pages