Badass Freedom Van Owner Actually Sleazy Pick-Up Artist That Harasses Women On OkCupid

We've been fans of the Pedobear/R.I.P 2pac/Freedom Van that parks around Cesar Chavez for quiet some time, and recently other neighborhood notables picked up on it and give it more deserved praise.  But today we learn—much to our dismay—that the rando behind the wheel of our neighborhood's most idiosyncratic vehicle is actually Jeff “Jeffy” Allen, a professional pick-up instructor who harasses local women on OkCupid.  Katie J.M. Baker of Jezebel got to the bottom of it:

Last August, Amanda, a 26-year old Marketing Manager for a software company based in San Francisco, received an message on OKCupid from Captain_Derp. His initial missive was obnoxiously twee — “Um. Hi. Anyways, I feel you appear attractive and consequently would like to explore the possibility of enhancing your life by means of exposure to my awesomeness kthxbai” — but she was curious about a photo on his profile, captioned: “Consensual Sex in the Missionary Position For the Sole Purpose of Reproduction Van. I painted it myself.” […]

Captain_Derp asked her to meet him at a tapas bar, but the night before their date she had a change of heart, and messaged him to say as much. In response, he wrote, “Why am I not surprised. Eat a bag of dicks” and “Also, I guarantee your date with me would be far more horrifying than these last two amateurs you went out with. I drive a fucking RAPE VAN. Ps you're fat.” Lovely. [Read on]

Not only that, but the stencils of people on the back isn't some sort of hilarious joke “people I've hit” body count, but actually a boastful running tally of women he's given STDs to:

Should we be giving someone the attention they crave simply for being a chauvinist?  No.  But considering we've sung his praises before, letting this slide is just too much.


Comments (32)


Someone put a coyote in his van while he’s sleeping in it.

Or rather some call Elle K. she’ll f*ck up the van.

Can someone explain why every “PUA” guy decides they’re an “expert” after 2 months and then go on to write an e-book?

He’s been doing it for 10 years actually. He is a dick sometimes, but he actually has insanely good social skills, so when he wants to impress someone he can. He just enjoys being a dick sometimes. He has slept with literally hundreds of women and is definitely an expert on the subject. He doesn’t tell people to behave in the same dick manner he sometimes does at all. He chooses to be that way, but doesn’t condone it really.

I was the one who gave HIM std in the first place, so all those scores on the back of the van are actually mine.

Dirty lousy tech hippie.

What a shithead.

So… I went out with this motherfucker. The fact hes getting all of this attention wouldn’t make me so furious had my experience with him not been something just short of terrifying.

Sadly, he used the exact same intro email with me, and met me at the same stupid restaurant. He’s sort of entertaining in person, at least visually (insecurity immediately comes through), but is a minuscule 5’8”- in shoes. I get to say that because he called ‘poor Amanda’ fat.

We had a vaguely enjoyable meal.. If ‘enjoyable’ means him hogging all of the food and not even making a move for his wallet when the bill came (I still got him to split it with me).

He said he had some weed at home (few blocks away), and being 6+ feet tall, didn’t feel too worried about it.

I walk into his house (cluttered and full of roommates- this dude is like 36 with a successful book deal), and we go to his room. First thing I see- massive vibrator next to the bed. Second thing I see- used condoms in the trash. Yeah, I know, I should’ve left then.

After we smoke (he shares! Amazing), he starts kissing me. I’m sort of amused.. Next thing I know he’s on top of me (he’s so little! Like a baby seal!) and I’m kind of giggling to myself. He’s dying to go down on me, so I let him. And it was fine. Not mind blowing, but ok.

When he comes back up, he has ZERO clothes on. (I still have my dress on). AND he has grabbed a condom and is putting it on. At this point, I’m like OK, BUDDY. LETS TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH. total time since kissing began- definitely less than 20 minutes.

He FLIPS the FUCK out. Jumps up and starts berating me, gesturing at his (now limp) dick, saying,”LOOK at what you did to me!!” and “are you kidding me? After all that time I spent on you??”. It was now that I started thinking about whether I was strong enough to beat him off me, should it come to that.

Thankfully, I was able to escape unscathed thanks to Uber and being surprisingly good at calming down angry men with promises of ‘calling them tomorrow’.

This guy is a predator and I hope this coverage helps prevent other girls from going out with him. Though I doubt it will.

So, what I’m hearing is that this game actually works…

So lemme get this straight, you allowed him to make sexual advances on you, even to pleasure you orally, yet you then turn around and bitch when he assumes you want to have sex.

If you didn’t want to have sex, maybe you shouldn’t have let him do oral on you, or kissed him, or showed signs of enjoying it.

You put yourself in that situation, then shift all the blame on him.

More importantly, he could have finished the job, but didn’t want to. By that, I mean that he could have chosen not to flip out, and just worked his way past your resistance, by easing you into it, etc. If I were in his shoes, and had 50 other women on call, however, I might have done the same. The more options a person has, the higher their standards can become. That’s called having abundance. If you don’t like it, by all means find someone else. But, plenty of women behave exactly the same way.

Also, considering how long he’s been doing this, I imagine he’s had so many girls put up resistance, he probably just got tired of it after awhile, and doesn’t want to deal with it anymore. It’s like, if you have to deal with shit from somebody, at first you might stick with it to get what you want. But, if you can get what you want from someone else, without the hassle, then you might eventually decide to move on to someone else.

And yes, he is a predator. And yes, you just proved that it works. If he were the stereotypical nice guy, he wouldn’t have even seen your vagina, or gotten you back to his place. So, stop spinning yarns and implying you were raped, abused, or taken advantage of. You liked it, and so you went along with it.

Clear example of women doing one thing, yet saying another thing entirely. Lead by example, or sit down and shut up.

WOW, objectify women and blame the victim much? Flipping out on someone for putting the breaks on sex is not cool, and just because he goes down on someone doesn’t mean anyone is obligated to let someone who can’t take out the trash get lucky.

You forgot to also say that she’s fat, Jeffy…

Wow, way to blame the victim there, you fucking creep.

Who the Fuck lets someone go down and them and won’t give anything in return? It seems like from the start you already knew how you were going to handle this dude. Why waste both of your time.

You lay down with every skank that gives you head? Really?

I don’t understand, are you being sarcastic?

Are you insinuating that he is less than a person? All people are equal and if you let someone pleasure you it is only right to return the favor. That is just good manners and treating people like equal beings of value. Looks to me like YOURE the douche here, not him.

That’s bullshit.

You sound like a smart girl, want to by me a drink?

And, if you think Jeffy IS such a dick, why do you women continue to give him the time of day?

BECAUSE YOU LIKE IT. You come here after the fact and complain, just to feed your ego.

IF he were such a creepy, predator guy, raping women and giving them STD’s, as this article claims (a great example of immature, baseless character assassination, btw), then don’t you think women would avoid him? And if they don’t, what does that say about them?

I’m sorry, but you come off as a hypocrite to me. It’s like, if you hate getting punched in the face, why the fuck do you get in line to get punched in the face? Maybe you’re a masochist, and like that kinda shit?

Obvious Jeffy is obvious.

Lol, if it were jeffy replying, you’d know.

After watching his video, I don’t think he takes himself all that seriously. I think he only says and does outrageous shit because it amuses him. Honestly, I do the same shit all the time. I don’t call girls fat, but I do mess with them. Not to sleep with them, just because girls take themselves too seriously sometimes and they’re not used to it. Apparently, he has a youtube channel with videos like this one:!

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.


Who the Fuck let’s someone go down and them and won’t give anything in return? It seems like from the start you already knew how you were going to handle this dude. Why waste both of your time.

The rape men trolling this thread is frightening.

Dudes it’s not a competition - you are not cool for getting laid a lot.

Holy shit balls, are predatory rape men running rampant here?
Seriously guys, oral does not mean sex. I’m sure every guy here doesn’t mind getting a BJ now and again and have it end there. Why can’t this girl want the same thing? Why can’t she just want to get off with out wanting some sweaty badly shaven guy inside of her. I’m guessing you all have let some not so awesome people drop to their knees for you who you didn’t want to actually get “close” to.
PS, if that doesn’t register for you maybe this will.
If a woman says NO then it’s fucking time to stop. Don’t be a bitch about it.

“If a woman says NO then it’s fucking time to stop. Don’t be a bitch about it”

Man you are talking so much bull*** No woman got raped not in the article (as far you can call this character assassination an article), not in the comments.

If you have invested 10-20 hours or more (texting and dating)and then the woman ‘lets you get down on her’, makes the man horny and then says no backoff.. Then the man is of course a little upset and says something like fuck you or whatever. Then you think the problem is that he said fuck you or something a little pissed? Not the girl really using him? Are you stupid?

She said no and he stopped. Isn’t that what guys are supposed to do?

Anyone who looks at this guys’ profile knows he’s not boyfriend material.

I think the ladies at Pop’s have found their dream man.

As much douchebaggery as there is at Pop’s, pretty sure the people there would have a lot less tolerance for someone wearing a screenprinted v-neck claiming hipster superiority than let’s say, a sports bar on Haight would. Give those ladies a little more credit. Plus he wouldn’t stand a chance with the o.g.’s popping in every now and then.