— By @BuffBro |
So for background, there's some tech company that has their office across the hall from mine and a couple of months ago they doubled their staff of engineers. I've been noticing some disturbing trends, mostly related to the only places I interact with them—the hallways and bathroom. I'll note that we did not have any of these issues until this company scaled up their engineering team.
- The barefoot dude who is barefoot in the bathroom all the time.
Now I understand the urge to relax and take your shoes off at work, I really do. I would never do it because I'm not disgusting, but I do understand the urge. However, bathrooms are gross. People pee and poop in there—not hygienic. This guy (all of these incidents are perpetrated by dudes, obv) literally comes into the bathroom, going about his business, in his bare feet. What. The. Fuck. I have to wonder, is this something he is open about and has a philosophical stance on like “Humans weren't meant to wear shoes! Monkeys don't wear shoes and I'm no better than that, so I don't wear shoes either!” Or is it his shameful secret that he only indulges in at work because all of his co-workers are also super grody and won't bat an eye? Does his doctor keep getting conflicting excuses as to why he keeps coming in with cases of hookworm?
So many questions, so few answers.
- The “I'm too busy to wash my hands” guy.
This fucking guy. Never washes his hands, and is super blatant about how gross he is. He just walks in, drops the kids off at the pool, and then wanders out without a care in the world. We've started putting signs up saying “employees must wash hands.” The signs aren't working.
- The crumbs in the hallway.
How can there be this many damn crumbs in the hallway? It looks like a construction site or a wood-working shop… but with like… crumbs instead of sawdust? Are there ducks in the office you are trying to feed? Because I haven't seen any ducks around here. I think you are just walking around with your sandwiches being super gross eaters. The ducks down at the park may approve of this behavior but I am not a duck, and I hate you.
- The toothbrush incident.
You're a grown-ass man working at a fancy tech company. You probably have a bathroom at home with a mirror and everything. You're really bringing your toothbrush and toothpaste to work like it's some kind of middle school campout? No. No no no. It's gross, and you are gross. You are gross every day, because I see you doing this every day.
- The toilet situation.
The state of our toilets is shameful. I should have known what was coming because a month after all these gross nerds moved in, there were signs on every toilet stall stating clearly that “Due to popular demand, the toilets will be replaced with high capacity versions.” Let me break that down for you:
a) “Due to popular demand” - many people have asked for this thing to happen.
b) “High capacity” - mega gross nerd shits.
Even with our new super-shitters, the nerds next door keep breaking them with their uber-turds, and leaving celebratory piles of TP, bowl protectors, paper hand towels, and napkins (????) strewn about. Fucking awesome.
I hope we've all learned an important lesson from this: nerds are horrible and gross, and all stereotypes are 100% correct.
Comments (36)
And let’s not forget the guy that covers, COVERS! the top of the sink in water every time he does manage to wash his hands and that one dude that will talk to his buddy while he is taking a shit. Nerds really are fucking gross. And also that guy whose keyboard looks like it was dipped in chocolate.
Lots of people brush their teeth at work, but at my last workplace, a woman would FLOSS in the shared bathroom every day. I don’t know about you, but when I floss, little flecks of spit are often flung by the floss onto the mirror, and that’s fine in my own home but doing it in a shared bathroom is just OVER THE FUCKING TOP.
And don’t even get me started about people who carry on conversations over the stall dividers.
Well I’m a hygiene nut and I brush my teeth at work. It seems much better to me than coffee breath or Sun Chips breath, or the even nastier combination of food breath + mints. All the other items on this list are about low hygienic standards. And while I wish there was somewhere else to attend to my oral cleanliness besides the space where people are emptying their bowels, the fact remains that the bathroom is the designated and appropriate place for dealing with bodily issues. As such, I plan to keep brushing away. You can thank me in our afternoon meeting when my breath doesn’t make your eyes water. Am I so wrong?
PS people who don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom are the scum of the earth. Yes, even after “just peeing” and no, a soapless one-second rinse doesn’t count.
The rule is, if you pee on your fingers, wash your hands. The whole you touched your penis, you need to disinfect is rooted in Christian sex is bad thought.
Some subhuman always has to speak up for their inability to just wash their damned hands. Look, unless we’re engaged in consensual sexual activity together, I don’t want to have any contact with your apocrine secretions. Lay off the Cotton Mather bullshit–it would be just as disgusting if you had your fingers in your sweaty armpits. (Yes, the penis itself doesn’t have apocrine glands, of course, but it’s in constant direct contact with areas that do.) If you can’t deal with taking 30 seconds for some basic civilized courtesy, go back to your pigpen.
I think we’re going to have to break up. You’ve internalized the biblical bullshit of your ancestors too deeply. You’re hopeless. Please be gone by the time I get home.
“The revolution will be spread through my bodily secretions.”
you do understand that hand-washing is a modern thing right? that hygenie like the #1 cause for better health over the 19th or 20th century?
95 percent of people wash their hands improperly:
Hand-washing is a daily routine – for most of us – but according to a new study, only a handful of people are properly scrubbing their paws.
Michigan State University researchers camped out in public restrooms, and found only 5 percent of people properly washed their hands long enough to kill infection-causing germs and bacteria.
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-204_162-57588795/95-percent-of-people-wash-t…
Rinsing your hands in water kills 80% of the germs on them. Not perfect, but way better than nothing.
From a public health point of view no one cares whether you peed on your hands. Fecal coliform, on the other hand, is serious business.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fecal_coliform
NEEEEEERRRRRRRRDDDSSSSS!!!!
It appears like the shakers and movers in Buff’s company need to have a friendly face-to-face with people across the hall and lay out the grievances. It’s unlikely that they’re reading this article; identifying themselves as the bad guys, or caring. Put them on notice that they’re using a common facility and they need to act responsibly.
Don’t let it get to the point where you crush a couple of bottles in a paper bag and spread the fine glass particles on the bathroom floor, or spread Krazy Glue on the toilet seats, or saturate the toilet paper with Habanero, or post the name of the company in a popular blog and shame them into cooperation…….
There is one men’s room stall on my floor. A whole lot of all-male tech startups have moved in in the last year. I got the hookup for a secret bathroom here from our security guard, but sometimes still use the one that is closest. Anytime I’m in the stall and some tech nerd comes in trying the stall door, I have to overcome the urge to yell out a Nelson “Ha-ha.”
Dunno about where y’all work, but around here the bathroom is the only floor that’s regularly washed. If you’ve got to be barefoot somewhere and you’re concerned about getting foot fungus or something, the bathroom is a safe bet.
The bathrooms at my workplace have low traffic and the stalls are fully partitioned rooms with thick oak doors. Aaaaaaaaaah, think I’ll go take a phantom poop just to sit on that heated porcelain.
you work at City Hall?
I think he works at Twitter.
i usually hate this guy, but here goes:
wtf does this have to do with the mission or even generally living in san francisco?
people are gross! can you believe it?
this seems like a post meant for a personal blog, inbetween game of thrones memes and pictures of bathroom graffiti.
come on, kevmo, you can do better!
“mega gross nerd shits” is the best thing I’ve seen written all year.
In case you cannot read bylines, I didn’t write this.
Also, this has everything to do with working in SF, and working in SF is ever-so necessary to live in SF.
Dude, I agree with wtf? though, this is a really useless post. Who cares?! I love this blog and I usually find it really entertaining, but my reaction from “across the hall from mine” on was to just squint in an increasingly questioning manner. Nobody cares, @BuffBro, nobody cares.
Anyway kevmo, I get that this in snarky fun “haha, I hate fucking techies” jest, but I’ll just put in my two cents that the guest byline here is neither entertaining, funny, snarky, smart, or informative. Mostly annoying.
Maybe….. don’t invite him back.
It’s not as pointless and off-topic as “gnartoons,” which seems to be about craigslist postings in Portland?
Generally, this blog as KevMoBlog is valuable and interesting. As FriendsofKevMoBlog, much less so. But hey, it’s their world, we’re just visiting.
People who comment ‘lame article’ on a post they just read are… Something something, cognitive dissonance, something something.
I <3 you kevmo always and forever, never change.
ALL OF THE GROSS NERDS FROM NEXT DOOR ARE HATING SUPER HARD IN THESE COMMENTS
WHY DONT YOU DO US ALL A FAVOR AND LOG OFF
HERES A SICK VID OF ME BAILING ON ALL YALL GNARLY HATERS
I know you, Kevmo, didn’t write it, but it is your blog.
I really like most of what is posted here, I’m just chiding you for a post that seemed off topic for your blog.
“it is your blog”
“it is your blog”
“it is your blog”
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.
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These are the assholes that are ruing the mission and san francisco… really they should be tried like witches in the old days. HEY NURDS TAKE YOUR FANCY BUSSES AND YOUR SHITTY HYGINE AND FUCK YOURSELVES!!!!!
The nerds that work in stinky SF startups don’t take the busses silly. The busses take the rich kids to the burbs to work.
I just learned that the Russian Mafai, Facebook, Jack Spade and bad hygiene conspired to ruin the Mission
You left out mini golf.
and the guys that bought the 17 Reasons building,
And the “merchants” that want to clean up the 16th st BART station.
Yessssssssssssssss..!
Huh? You cant brush your teeth after lunch anymore???
People with bad oral hygiene are offended by those with good oral hygiene.
I brush my teeth @ work. I have to do this. I have PERMANENT (for Life) wire retainers fixed to the back of of front teeth, major food trap. I also have to wear plastric retainers .
You seriously thing I am not going to brush after a meal and put the plastic on top? ewww
I don’t want to have gum disease. Don’t criticise people like me. that is just thoughtless and rude.
I also clean the sink and the tap after I use the work bathroom.
Tell my periodontist,my hygienist and orthodontist how wrong. They will think you an idiot.
yes I had braces for four years before the retainers that was so fun and I had to brush @ work then too.