— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
In case you didn't already know about The Wiggle, the Lower Haight bike route now has musical PSA announcing its presence. Perhaps more interesting is the fact that no one in the video was unceremoniously given wedgie by Zeitgeist's bouncers—that place is really blossoming into adulthood.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Someone recently hipped me to the fact that Valencia Tool & Die-era synthpunk group The Units had a song called “The Mission is Bitchin'” andholyhellIcan'tstoplisteningtoit. Seriously, this track is crack—it's like listening to Devo if Devo'd been raised by a Nintendo. And the lyrics! Although it was recorded back when Valencia was all punk venues, lesbian bars, and empty storefronts (1980), it still pretty much sounds like your average whimsical day in the modern day Mission District.
Give it a listen below, and feel free to read the lyrics at the top of the comments:
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
UA reader Doug hips to the fact Jesus just sold the fuck out and is selling the famed cross guitar that won this year's Hunky Jesus Competition. From the Craigslist ad:
Handmade one-of-a-kind squareneck resonator crucifix guitar, hand-crafted and played by Funky Jesus, winner of the 2012 Hunky Jesus competition in Dolores Park. Own a piece of San Francisco history with this rare collectible and fully functional musical instrument.
Standing at an imposing 6'6” tall and about 4 feet wide, this guitar features a string-thru mahogany tailpiece, inlaid rosewood neck with 22 frets, gold tuners, and a 5.5'' spun steel resonator cone with redwood biscuit bridge. There's even a piezo pickup mounted at the apex of the cone, with a 1/4” female output on the back, so you can plug it into your amp.
The perfect addition to your next evangelical gathering, church choir practice, death metal show, or any religious/sacrilegious event.
Make offer. Trades for motorcycles & tube amps will be considered.
Uhhhhhh, Jesus? I know we haven't talked in a while, but I have to ask you: what's more badass? Motorcycle? Or GIANT 6'6” FUCKING CRUCIFIX GUITAR?! HELLO.
I'm listening to Appetite for Destruction right now dreaming of how ridiculous it'd be to be Slash with a GIANT CROSS. Yeah, I'm picturing a Tartine-line-down-the-block line of chicks queuing up to get banged by you. And you're trading it for what? A 1958 James Dean/Hell's Angels throwback to badassery? Weak. Weak dude.
Anyway, that's my bout of unchecked envy for the week. Sorry you had to witness that. And, Jesus, I'm kinda broke right now, but I have a pound and a half of uncooked basmati rice and a N64 with four working controllers if you wanna trade. Call me!
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Unless you have a grip of cash and managed to refresh the ticket order form during that magical window between 09:59:30 and 09:59:45am on Jan. 13th, you're probably not going to Coachella. But as Thrillcall (makers of this rad posters, which for some unknown reason isn't published on their own blog) explains, it's not a total loss:
Coachella 2012 is here – if “here” for you is the greater Los Angeles area. For the rest of us, Coachella can be a money sink, with travel and lodging costs often doubling the already-steep ticket price. If you’re a Bay Area resident and the proud owner of a few wallet flies, Coachella artists often detour to San Francisco to pick up extra shows before and after Coachella. This trickle-down benefit has given rise to a sort of shadow festival called Fauxchella, and we should see the phenomenon become even more pronounced as Coachella expands to a two-weekend format for the first time. Festival artists are contractually prevented from playing in the Los Angeles area up to a month before and after the event, and plenty of them want to slip out in the downtime between weekends.
Read on for a more thorough list of the artists performing over the next few weeks.
[via Reddit]
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Skipping out on yesterday's Hunky Jesus Competition was a mistake because you missed this:
That's right, it's Jesus. It's Jesus and he's playing a giant cross guitar. With a flask of whiskey in hand.
As you might imagine, Rock n' Roll Jesus had the competition won before he even plugged his cross into the amp and started jamming. Hell, I'm pretty sure he had it in the bag before he even set foot in Dolores Park. But as any one of the 10,000 people in attendance can tell you, he lit up the entire place as soon as his divine fingers hit the strings.
The competition would have been wise to throw down their crosses in defeat right then and there and bow down to their superior, but the contest dragged on without a single suitable challenger emerging from the whole lot of abs and man thongs. And as the race for second place came to a close, the air of inevitability gave way to triumph as Rock n' Roll Jesus was crowned 2012's Hunky Jesus, proving once and for all that all the gym memberships in the world won't make you as good lookin' as some guitar lessons.
UPDATE: Our friend Ben caught up with Rock n' Roll Jesus backstage (Jesus' La Lengua apartment) for a private demo of the cross guitar:
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Serra Bowl's imminent closing is understandably bumming out bowlers and Big Lebowski fan boys and girls alike, but one aspect of its shuttering is oft-overlooked: the loss of its much loved karaoke bar. Luckily for those of us who are more prone to making an ass out of ourselves on the stage than the lanes, Todd Wanerman of The Bay Bridged penned a fine look at what we're losing:
The impeccable vintage 49ers photos and headlines have been taken down, but, other than that, nothing here suggests that Serra Bowl is about to become – on April 15th – the latest venerable, authentic Bay Area institution to fall victim to time and tide. A steady parade of humanity flows through its oddly small and hard-to-find double glass doors.
In the denuded Sports Lounge, the notoriously cranky DJ is presiding over a jubilantly defiant (or were they defiantly jubilant?) throng. Every few minutes or so, he reminds the assembled that April 14th will see no karaoke, but a closing night party we won’t want to miss.
Keep reading for additional words and pictures.
— By Alissa |
This morning I woke up with Lana Del Ray stuck in my head and was all kinds of pissed off about having to start my day with that whiney drivel running through my mind. That is, until I hopped online and discovered Toast's fresh new video for their song 'Fog City.'
Like this video, their music is gritty and down to earth, but with a sleek finish. I mean, who else raps about clogging their toilet with tampons, and can squeeze in a smegma reference and the phrase “okie dokie” in the same breath? These girls are crazy talented and obviously living life at expert level as evidenced by their vase of bacon grease. Peep them on Facebook and Youtube too.
— By Serg |
My friend Isaiah, he's from Tucson, made a rap video that looks like what it would look like if the internet threw up on your dreams. Actually he made the rap song with Max B and Rapewolf, Carne and Queso did the crazy graphics. I guess it's kinda NSFW if your work opposes smoking babies and total recall titties.
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
I'm not sure what amuses me more about this: that a band called “Cocksparrer” is performing next to a bunch of look-don't-touch strip clubs, or that Rancid is still a band.
