Here are some toys power figures for the future generations of hunter plaid-wearing Dolores Park narcs. I give you … Counter Terrorism dolls!

For the low, low price of “$1 only,”  you get two armored up dudes, an assault rifle, a grenade, a narcotic sniffing dog and a tiny plastic marijuana plant.

This complete set of educational, DEA-inspired fun can be purchased at Hajvery One Dollar Only on Mission & 23rd. Don’t let the terrorists win.

My sophomore and junior years of college, I rode my bike 10,000+ miles every year, was at my physical peak, and had to eat something absurd like 4,000 calories a day just to maintain being 20 pounds underweight.  Then I discovered $9.99 handles of Gordon’s and 2 liters for $1 bottles of TD Select Orange Soda.  Now that my top three life priorities have become alcohol, the interwebs and finding neon iPhone cases that match my ‘sick kicks,’ I’ve only managed to muscle out an epic 300 miles on my bike (the majority of which have been to and from sources of Old English).  But today I had one of those rare mornings when I woke up stone-cold sober and clear headed following a Saturday night of not getting faced, so I decided to blow off my Dolores Picnic + 24s plans and dust off my Principia for a lovely Christ-My-Knees ride around Marin.

Well, I guess I missed some epic shit.  Like goddamn a giant inflatable King Kong in the park.

And sleeping santas.

(photos by mrupert84)

UPDATE: Additional pictures + coverage.

“Excuse me, but you are double parked.”

Apparently Mission PD has employed a cool kid (via beanie/Converse ‘kicks’/green flannel) to do undercover busts in Dolores.  Watching some humorless cop toss Ganja Treats Man’s cooler and wizard staff in the trunk of a cruiser was probably the most heart-breaking thing I’ve seen since Ice Cube’s last movie.  Anyways, if you’re a drug dealer and you see gray Pontiac Grand Am and some awkward coolster, you might want to reconsider the sale.  If anyone got a picture of this waste of police resources face, send it our way so we can post it.  Because when narcs are in the park, the terrorists NIMBY neighbors win.

Someone was telling me that there is another blogger on Capp St., making this strip of tragedy home to both the highest quantity of crappy bloggers (4 that I know of) and hookers (countless) in the city.  The GoBlog has absolutely nothing to do with the city but everything to do with okay-jokes.  Yeah, their site is definitely circa 1998 and they center their text BUT they talk about outdoor gear and hiking and stuff and that helps me feel ‘connected’ to white culture.

EXAMPLE:

Marmot: The New Choice For The Thug Life?
One of our 12 faithful readers, not including the +5,000 a day that come to the site looking for naked pictures of Julia Mancuso, sent this little item in to us. We’d post his name, but he’d probably not prefer to be identified as a GoBlog reader to maintain his reputation as a dude. Anyway, usually when one thinks of the preferred jacket to wear while committing a crime or the preferred jacket to steal during a crime, The North Face puffy jacket comes to mind. That or an acid wash jean jacket with a confederate flag. We lack hard statistics of course, but our crack reporting turned this up on our first Google search regarding a recent homocide in NJ:

The gunman was wearing a gray and white North Face jacket, and was described as black, 5-foot, 8-inches tall, with a thin build.

Of course the sartorial tastes of criminals can change swiftly and without notice.  What’s considered cool to wear while you stab someone to death in the Fall season, could drastically change by the Summer season. And god forbid you’re on an 6 season fashion calendar. That wrecks havoc on the average gangster’s wardrobe.

(OH WAIT THERE’S MORE)