— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Skipping out on yesterday's Hunky Jesus Competition was a mistake because you missed this:
That's right, it's Jesus. It's Jesus and he's playing a giant cross guitar. With a flask of whiskey in hand.
As you might imagine, Rock n' Roll Jesus had the competition won before he even plugged his cross into the amp and started jamming. Hell, I'm pretty sure he had it in the bag before he even set foot in Dolores Park. But as any one of the 10,000 people in attendance can tell you, he lit up the entire place as soon as his divine fingers hit the strings.
The competition would have been wise to throw down their crosses in defeat right then and there and bow down to their superior, but the contest dragged on without a single suitable challenger emerging from the whole lot of abs and man thongs. And as the race for second place came to a close, the air of inevitability gave way to triumph as Rock n' Roll Jesus was crowned 2012's Hunky Jesus, proving once and for all that all the gym memberships in the world won't make you as good lookin' as some guitar lessons.
UPDATE: Our friend Ben caught up with Rock n' Roll Jesus backstage (Jesus' La Lengua apartment) for a private demo of the cross guitar:
Comments (6)
I just want to say as the Mission and Dolores Park becomes more family friendly I have to question weather it’s appropriate to hold events like this in the future. Times change and the demographic of the typical park user is a family with children.
Pro-Tip!
You do realize that the children’s portion of the day was scheduled for 11 am and that the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence has a long history of childrens charity work, right?
+2
Of course Christ is a bluesman! I may start going to church again!!
Probably not the same guy , but I saw a dude with the exact same set up at NO Mardi Gras 20-some years ago. People either loved it or quickly looked away. He was doing more of a Jimi extended solo thing. Awesome idea. Glad he won.