The Memenets

NON-STOP BANKSY COVERAGE BROS!: Fifth and Sixth "Banksy" Found

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Okay, I know you all are saying “this bullshit is getting old” but Laughing Squid needs me to do some research so that lazy fuck can just rip off this blog without credit.  Again.  Even anonymous dumbasses on ezboards.com are better at giving us hat tips than that fool.  ANYWAYS.

Love Letters to SF found this one yesterday.  Looks like Banksy is now on Twitter.  I kid, it’s just a bird.

Also, from the inbox:

there is a new banksy piece up at Haight and Belvedere above Villains Vault, across from Wasteland. Picture of a rat and a line that says “this is where I draw the line.” Went up last night.

A simple twitter search corroborates, but no pics as of yet.  I’d go take a picture myself, but I hate leaving the Mission and my kitchen smells like a nasty combination of Mexican food and frat house, so I gotta bust out a mop.  (Update: Banksy Prints has the scoop on the Haight piece)

Anyways, I’m pretty convinced that these are not Banksy.  First off, a “Banksy” went up in Seattle two nights ago, and he can’t be in two places at once.  Some have suggested that he emails plans to people, which seems feasible, but if he’s not the one taking the risk and holding the spraypaint, I don’t really see how you can credit it to Banksy.  To make a completely ludicrous comparison, we don’t say Ben Folds’ cover of “Bitches Ain’t Shit” is Dr. Dre’s work.

Things We Don't Hate: Bro Cats

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Apparently the doucheoisie over at Hipster Puppies got a book deal.  Our newest hater/Uptown Almanazzi Zach smelled money and created BRO CATS.   We at Uptown Almanac are committed to landing BRO CATS on the New York Times Bestsellers list (and every Marina coffee table) before Hipster Puppies can sue our asses off.

“O hai bro, wanna go halfsies on a bag of cat-nip?” ~Bro Cat

1.) Bro Cat likes to tell all the girls that he surfs, but is really too scared to go in the water.

2.) Bro Cat got so wasted last night that he was coughing up hair balls all morning.

3.) Bro Cat gets hella pussies.

(link)

Twitter CEO Evan Williams Debuts Company's New Financial Strategy

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

A reader spotted Twitter CEO Evan Williams at Foursquare’s SXSW party literally gnawing on a wad of cash while Twittering:

Spotted Evan Williams eating money at the Foursquare SXSW party.  Figured it was a good representation of the company’s financial strategy for the last 3 years.  Anyone who was at the keynote will know it was him.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

"Badass Death Metal Grindcore, with an avian screeching it's guts out."

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

My downstairs neighbors are pretty avid birders.  They keep a bunch of parrots as pets and on warm, sunny days, all the windows in the house are open and the birds sing all day long.  While I find avian music soothing and enjoyable, it’s hard to maintain the illusion of cool if I’m not awkwardly rapping along to The Chronic, Word of Mouf, or Arlo Guthrie.

Anyways, the other day my roommate commented that “this parrot/music mashup reminds me of Hatebeak.”  I had no idea what Hatebeak was.  Do you know what Hatebeak is?  It’s a fucking death metal group fronted by a goddamn Congo African Grey Parrot named Waldo.  Let me repeat that: a death metal group fronted by a fucking bird.  Until the other day, I had no idea there was a subgenre of metal for bands fronted by animals.  Caninus really take the crown on this front because nothing is more ridiculously brilliant as growling pit bulls.

I feel like with the explosion of cats and generally stupid animal pictures on The Memenets in the late 2000s, animal-fronted bands are going to be the meme of the 2010s.  Girl Talk is going to remix Night Ripper with ‘authentic barnyard sounds’ and call it Bestiality.  I want to get in on this ‘cash cow’ too.  Anyone want to start a band fronted by pigs?  We’ll call it something rad like “Swine Terror” or “Pig Panic” or “Osama Pig Latin,” get some guy that can drum really fast, and slay the pig at the end of the show while we snort and yell “that’s all folks!”

Who wouldn’t pay $15 dollars to see that shit?  I’m going to be richer than God.

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